When to start Sponsoring
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 41
When to start Sponsoring
Hi all
In an earlier topic someone - I think it was Jeff_C - mentioned encouraging their sponsees to sponsor others even though they were only part way through the steps. What do you all think about that?
My reason for asking is that until recently I would have said that you should heve been through 1 - 12 before sponsoring others, otherwise how do you know where you're heading.
Recently, however, I was asked by a friend to help them with the program, and had a feeling of absolute certainty that it was the right thing to do, even though I'm at 6 myself. I was sensible enough to discuss this with my sponsor, who was very positive about the idea. A few weeks down the line all is well and I am astounded at how much I have benefitted from doing this.
I have already discussed "working with others" with this guy, and he seems eager to get started!!
So, what is your opinion or experience about this?
Thanks
Michael
In an earlier topic someone - I think it was Jeff_C - mentioned encouraging their sponsees to sponsor others even though they were only part way through the steps. What do you all think about that?
My reason for asking is that until recently I would have said that you should heve been through 1 - 12 before sponsoring others, otherwise how do you know where you're heading.
Recently, however, I was asked by a friend to help them with the program, and had a feeling of absolute certainty that it was the right thing to do, even though I'm at 6 myself. I was sensible enough to discuss this with my sponsor, who was very positive about the idea. A few weeks down the line all is well and I am astounded at how much I have benefitted from doing this.
I have already discussed "working with others" with this guy, and he seems eager to get started!!
So, what is your opinion or experience about this?
Thanks
Michael
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
I was in the same position as you. I didn't think I could or should sponsor anyone until I had a couple of years under my belt and especially worked all the steps. I'll be coming up on a year soon and my sponsor is encouraging to sponsor someone as I can share my ESH up to the point where I'm at in my steps. I'm sure that HP will let me know when I'm ready as I hear we learn so much more and can become so much more in tune when we sponsor others. Good luck and congratulations on your new sponsee.
Salvador Doggie
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Left Coast
Posts: 49
Hello all.
Good topic Michael and Chy.
Everyone, no matter haw many years, days, or hours sober, has a message they can share with another alcoholic. In fact, my sponsor told me in the beginning that I should participate more as when I'm new my message of hope and strength may have some vitality and freshness that someone with years of experience could be lacking. I found it really helped me to get out of my own thinking when I shared the solutions that the steps had offered me in my life.
However, my sponsor was very strict with me about accepting a long term commitment to helping another with their successfull completeion of the steps. It was good because I still did not have the complete picture of what the program intends. As I completed the steps for the first time I could see how they all really work so well together. Thats why I needed them all, not just some of them. I think it is great to help and share with anybody who needs and wants the solution we get from AA. But sponsorship is the start of a long term and deep commitment to another alcoholic. I think before we take on such a task our first priority should be establishing a firm foundation for ourselves. We may be shorting a newcommer if we don't have enough complete experience ourselves. It could do harm to ourselves as well if this relationship becomes a responsibility we are not ready for. It took me about one year to complete the steps and I remember times in the process that I thought I had it figured out. As it turns out I didn't, and my sponsor demanded more work from me in completeing all 12 steps. Only then did I begin to fathom the bigger picture inside of me and how it relates to the world and those I interact with.
This is just my opinion though. I don't recall actually reading anywhere the requirements for sponsorship. It's just plain good to share and help out no matter where you are at really. I just recently was honored that another alcoholic asked me to sponsor him. I only have 16 months and I had/ have doubts in myself. I take my new friends well being seriously and don't want to let him down you know. My sponsor encourages me and I know that in the time I have spent working these steps I have also found many others I can rely on for help in just about any conundrum that my new sponsee may presents.
Last Tuesday I wish I had a camera because we had five generations of sobriety at one meeting. My new sponsee, me, my sponsor, his sponsor, and his sponsor(the old cowboy). Pretty cool stuff. Funny to hear the cowboy say somthing today that I just shared with my sponsee the day before. I wonder how that happened?
The message goes around, and just keeps going around I guess.
Maybe we could share some suggestions with each other on sponsorship, Michael and Chy?? I could always use some more ideas I'm sure.
Rudiger
Good topic Michael and Chy.
Everyone, no matter haw many years, days, or hours sober, has a message they can share with another alcoholic. In fact, my sponsor told me in the beginning that I should participate more as when I'm new my message of hope and strength may have some vitality and freshness that someone with years of experience could be lacking. I found it really helped me to get out of my own thinking when I shared the solutions that the steps had offered me in my life.
However, my sponsor was very strict with me about accepting a long term commitment to helping another with their successfull completeion of the steps. It was good because I still did not have the complete picture of what the program intends. As I completed the steps for the first time I could see how they all really work so well together. Thats why I needed them all, not just some of them. I think it is great to help and share with anybody who needs and wants the solution we get from AA. But sponsorship is the start of a long term and deep commitment to another alcoholic. I think before we take on such a task our first priority should be establishing a firm foundation for ourselves. We may be shorting a newcommer if we don't have enough complete experience ourselves. It could do harm to ourselves as well if this relationship becomes a responsibility we are not ready for. It took me about one year to complete the steps and I remember times in the process that I thought I had it figured out. As it turns out I didn't, and my sponsor demanded more work from me in completeing all 12 steps. Only then did I begin to fathom the bigger picture inside of me and how it relates to the world and those I interact with.
This is just my opinion though. I don't recall actually reading anywhere the requirements for sponsorship. It's just plain good to share and help out no matter where you are at really. I just recently was honored that another alcoholic asked me to sponsor him. I only have 16 months and I had/ have doubts in myself. I take my new friends well being seriously and don't want to let him down you know. My sponsor encourages me and I know that in the time I have spent working these steps I have also found many others I can rely on for help in just about any conundrum that my new sponsee may presents.
Last Tuesday I wish I had a camera because we had five generations of sobriety at one meeting. My new sponsee, me, my sponsor, his sponsor, and his sponsor(the old cowboy). Pretty cool stuff. Funny to hear the cowboy say somthing today that I just shared with my sponsee the day before. I wonder how that happened?
The message goes around, and just keeps going around I guess.Maybe we could share some suggestions with each other on sponsorship, Michael and Chy?? I could always use some more ideas I'm sure.
Rudiger
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Riverside, Ca.
Posts: 388
I have always looked at it like this, sponsorship is twelve step work, and I have to have the other 11 done before I go on to 12,
I waited a few years before accepting any sponcees,
but we do all have a message and can still help guide people through the journey.
I waited a few years before accepting any sponcees,
but we do all have a message and can still help guide people through the journey.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Colorado Springs CO
Posts: 889
I was on my 4th step and had a little over a year when I was asked to be a sponsor the first time. I, in turn, asked my sponsor, who replied "what took you so long to get a sponsee"? I gave some instructions to him (read this part of the big book and call me every day) and I never saw him again.
Sponsorship is an integral part of my own recovery, the reason I was given this gift in the first place! I'd say it's OK to sponsor someone if you're significantly ahead of them stepwise. Better yet, ask YOUR sponsor.
Sponsorship is an integral part of my own recovery, the reason I was given this gift in the first place! I'd say it's OK to sponsor someone if you're significantly ahead of them stepwise. Better yet, ask YOUR sponsor.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Zion, Illinois
Posts: 3,411
AnotherONe,
Here's your answer, from your own post.
"I am astounded at how much I have benefitted from doing this."
To take someone through the steps, I would think one would have had to have gone through the steps. Remember, we can't give away what we don't have. However, a person with a week can be a sponsor to someone who's at their first meeting. After all, isn't sponsoring someone more a matter of listening and sharing experience, strength and hope rather than "teaching?"
"12 step work" comes in many different forms. It doesn't necessarily have to be taking someone through the steps. 12 stepping used to be going to someone's house at 2:00 in the morning and talking to a drunk. That's how it all started.
Here's your answer, from your own post.
"I am astounded at how much I have benefitted from doing this."
To take someone through the steps, I would think one would have had to have gone through the steps. Remember, we can't give away what we don't have. However, a person with a week can be a sponsor to someone who's at their first meeting. After all, isn't sponsoring someone more a matter of listening and sharing experience, strength and hope rather than "teaching?"
"12 step work" comes in many different forms. It doesn't necessarily have to be taking someone through the steps. 12 stepping used to be going to someone's house at 2:00 in the morning and talking to a drunk. That's how it all started.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Buford, GA
Posts: 55
Re: When to start Sponsoring
If I'm not mistaken, the 12 steps had yet to be formulated when Bill W. and Dr. Bob began the endeavor of "fixing alcoholics". I think it varies according to the individual but at the very least a Sponsor should be actively working the program and should also have a Sponsor. I'm not in a place right now where I could effectively guide someone through all 12 Steps... I make myself available to anyone in the program who wants to talk. If I can help another alcoholic in any way, it always helps me in turn. From what I understand, a Sponsor guides you through the steps... That's his/her primary purpose as a Sponsor. Any alcoholic can get together with another alcoholic at any time and talk about recovery but the Sponsorship gig is when that alcoholic guides another alcoholic through the steps. I think that's what I 'm sayin.... It's late.
Have a goodnight everybody!
-Josh
Have a goodnight everybody!
-Josh
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Citizen of the world
Posts: 74
Re: When to start Sponsoring
No matter how bad off we were, or even are for that matter, if we’re “in� recovery we’ve already been given a marvelous “gift� though we may not recognize the magnitude of that gift. And as much as recovery is about transcending our “weakness�, quite literally transforming even that into our greatest strength, we also have the obligation to cultivate that strength.
I did mention, and sure do support sponsoring others ASAP, the only caveat being for my folks that they can do so, up to, but not including the step they themselves are working on. And the thinking there is simply that we can’t transmit what we don’t have. That in itself often acts as a spur to move on in our own step-work.
Some great “shares� on this topic, but even more than that, we’re talking about the “action� of one alcoholic sharing ES+H with another staying sober themselves, and helping his/her brother. That’s the heart of recovery, and the “language of the heart in all it’s power and simplicity.�
Jeff
I did mention, and sure do support sponsoring others ASAP, the only caveat being for my folks that they can do so, up to, but not including the step they themselves are working on. And the thinking there is simply that we can’t transmit what we don’t have. That in itself often acts as a spur to move on in our own step-work.
Some great “shares� on this topic, but even more than that, we’re talking about the “action� of one alcoholic sharing ES+H with another staying sober themselves, and helping his/her brother. That’s the heart of recovery, and the “language of the heart in all it’s power and simplicity.�
Jeff
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 41
Re: When to start Sponsoring
Thanks to everyone for your contributions.
When I agreed to sponsor this guy I was clear about where I am on the steps, and that I couldn't go with him where I had not been myself. One of the great things is that we are both open enough to go for it and see where it leads, and I hope honest enough to flag up any problems we encounter.
Thanks again
Michael
When I agreed to sponsor this guy I was clear about where I am on the steps, and that I couldn't go with him where I had not been myself. One of the great things is that we are both open enough to go for it and see where it leads, and I hope honest enough to flag up any problems we encounter.
Thanks again
Michael
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Richmond, VA
Posts: 17
Re: When to start Sponsoring
The only danger I forsee in sponsoring prior to completing all twelve steps lies within the "two stepping" pattern. That's the First and the Twelvth, neglecting the ten between- the 12 Steps & 12 Traditions text enlarges on this pitfall. Our cofounders discovered that by sponsoring (or attempting to, at least) others, they stayed sober- even if the pigeon/cookie/cash customer themselves did not. Our literature is rife with words encouraging us to reach out, no matter where we are or what we think we do or don't have to offer. Go man go!
“Chapter 7
Working With Others
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when other fail. Remember they are very ill.�
“Chapter 7
Working With Others
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail. This is our twelfth suggestion: Carry this message to other alcoholics! You can help when no one else can. You can secure their confidence when other fail. Remember they are very ill.�
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Glasgow, Scotland
Posts: 41
Re: When to start Sponsoring
Adamus
How true!! Got a call at work yesterday from another guy. We'd known each other a bit before he started coming to AA a couple of months ago. He's had a few episodes drinking since then, and this was the day after his latest.
I spent the afternoon with him and was just amazed at how similar his thoughts and feelings were to those I had almost 3 years ago when I was in his position. Everything I told him he had to do - meetings, share, listen program, honesty - I was also asking myself how was I doing these things.
The other thing I found surprising was that I am not weighed down with a feeling of responsibility for him. I'm doing what I can, and that's all I can do. The chaos in his home and business life are not mine to be concerned about. I can "Keep it Simple" and tell him what he needs to do to recover from his illness - nothing more.
I used to think that working with others was a responsibility I had in payment for what I have been given. Now I realise that it is yet another gift I have received
Michael
Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics.
I spent the afternoon with him and was just amazed at how similar his thoughts and feelings were to those I had almost 3 years ago when I was in his position. Everything I told him he had to do - meetings, share, listen program, honesty - I was also asking myself how was I doing these things.
The other thing I found surprising was that I am not weighed down with a feeling of responsibility for him. I'm doing what I can, and that's all I can do. The chaos in his home and business life are not mine to be concerned about. I can "Keep it Simple" and tell him what he needs to do to recover from his illness - nothing more.
I used to think that working with others was a responsibility I had in payment for what I have been given. Now I realise that it is yet another gift I have received
Michael
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