How long did it take you to work the steps?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 24
How long did it take you to work the steps?
I have 44 days sobriety and I've been working with my sponsor for about a month. I'm still barely on step one and getting frustrated. I know this is a great lessen in humility but it drives me nuts! How long does it usually take to work the steps, or does it vary by sponsor?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
It took me just under 3 months including the amends.
The steps allow an alcoholic to recover, this means that the mental obsession for alcohol goes and does not return (i.e. the cravings, the constant thinking about alcohol either wanting it or not wanting it).
The alcoholic is restored to sanity and is able to live a "normal life", well that's an understatement i prefer the phrase life beyond your wildest dreams because it is...
They are supposed to be worked as quickly as possible to the best of your ability if you are an alcoholic and want to recover from alcoholism.
The steps allow an alcoholic to recover, this means that the mental obsession for alcohol goes and does not return (i.e. the cravings, the constant thinking about alcohol either wanting it or not wanting it).
The alcoholic is restored to sanity and is able to live a "normal life", well that's an understatement i prefer the phrase life beyond your wildest dreams because it is...
They are supposed to be worked as quickly as possible to the best of your ability if you are an alcoholic and want to recover from alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I am 5 months sober and still working them. I intend to be working them for the rest of my life so for me I'm no longer concerned about rushing them.
I am on step 5 and doing this in stages which is suiting me.
When I was first sober I wanted to get to the end of the steps and be 'cured', but I have now accepted that this is a lifelong journey.
I am on step 5 and doing this in stages which is suiting me.
When I was first sober I wanted to get to the end of the steps and be 'cured', but I have now accepted that this is a lifelong journey.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
It is different for everyone. I look at it like building a house and Step 1 is the foundation if the foundation is weak the house will not stand up therefore relapse may be a consequence. Also I needed to learn to take direction so if my sponsor felt strongly about something I needed to respect that. After all I picked that person to be my sponsor for a reason. Have you tried sharing how you feel with your sponsor? Sometimes asking to many people a question is dangerous because you are bound to find the answer you are looking for. This disease is very cunning and will try and weave its way into us by negative ways & means. I say all this with almost 9 years sober but I spent a good many years before this 9 years being in & out of the program, and I think it was mainly because I still thought I had the answers. Hope you find some peace with all of this.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,620
The steps are about a new way of life. The sooner you take them and begin practicing them in your daily affairs, the sooner your new way of life can begin. In the early days 4 weeks was the usual time for getting through the steps for the first time. Recovery rates were very high, the obsession was taken away. Bill W, Dr Bob and Bill D all took their steps within 2 weeks and recovered. I was well into my 9th step by 90 days and learning about 10,11,12 - a lifetimes work.
The big question is not how long should I take, but how long have I got to get the work done before the spritual malady returns, and I get so uncomfortable that I drink again.
The period of grace seems to vary from just a few days for some, to a few months for others.
I can't underrstand how you have got stuck on step one - we cocede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic and can not manage our own lives, And we have no delusions that at some future date we will be able to drink again. That was a no brainer for me. If your sponsor is holding you back, maybe you need to find another sponsor, you don't have time to waste passing someones idea of a step 1 exam.
The big question is not how long should I take, but how long have I got to get the work done before the spritual malady returns, and I get so uncomfortable that I drink again.
The period of grace seems to vary from just a few days for some, to a few months for others.
I can't underrstand how you have got stuck on step one - we cocede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic and can not manage our own lives, And we have no delusions that at some future date we will be able to drink again. That was a no brainer for me. If your sponsor is holding you back, maybe you need to find another sponsor, you don't have time to waste passing someones idea of a step 1 exam.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,981
For me, I had a choice: go drink and die an alcoholic death OR try a spiritual way of life.
Worked the 12 steps days 14 & 15, felt different day 16, completed step 9 (those things I could do) by 4 months, worked the steps second time at 4 months; worked the steps third time at 8 months and learned the sponsor's role, just completed a fourth step 4. Some amends are still being worked on, some are not yet available to do.
Worked the 12 steps days 14 & 15, felt different day 16, completed step 9 (those things I could do) by 4 months, worked the steps second time at 4 months; worked the steps third time at 8 months and learned the sponsor's role, just completed a fourth step 4. Some amends are still being worked on, some are not yet available to do.
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
I wonder if you might benefit from listening to a 12 step workshop by an AA speaker.
It sounds as though you are yearning for more.
Seek and ye shall find.
Some of my favorites are
Sandy B. Saturday Morning Group
Bob D. How to Recover
Mark H. and Joe H. Big Book Experience
Joe and Charlie Big Book Study
To get you started...here is the link for Sandy's Step One on XA, which contains many AA speaker recordings.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Do you have a morning prayer and meditation routine established?
It sounds as though you are yearning for more.
Seek and ye shall find.
Some of my favorites are
Sandy B. Saturday Morning Group
Bob D. How to Recover
Mark H. and Joe H. Big Book Experience
Joe and Charlie Big Book Study
To get you started...here is the link for Sandy's Step One on XA, which contains many AA speaker recordings.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Do you have a morning prayer and meditation routine established?
Guest
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 3,452
Originally Posted by Veritas1 
I wonder if you might benefit from listening to a 12 step workshop by an AA speaker.
It sounds as though you are yearning for more.
Seek and ye shall find.
Some of my favorites are
Sandy B. Saturday Morning Group
Bob D. How to Recover
Mark H. and Joe H. Big Book Experience
Joe and Charlie Big Book Study
To get you started...here is the link for Sandy's Step One on XA, which contains many AA speaker recordings.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Do you have a morning prayer and meditation routine established?
It sounds as though you are yearning for more.
Seek and ye shall find.
Some of my favorites are
Sandy B. Saturday Morning Group
Bob D. How to Recover
Mark H. and Joe H. Big Book Experience
Joe and Charlie Big Book Study
To get you started...here is the link for Sandy's Step One on XA, which contains many AA speaker recordings.
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Do you have a morning prayer and meditation routine established?
Here are some more links
Earl H. from Studio City, CA talking about steps 1 & 2 in a workshop called "Catch the buzz with the steps" in New York, NY - December 14th 2002
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Paul F. from Phoenix, AZ leading a Big Book Workshop taking people through the 12 steps as done in the 1940s at Solutions Halfway House in Pheonix, AZ - June 2002
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
and finally
a link to all the workshops on xa
XA-Speakers - The lights are on!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
I know everyone is different, but I would suggest to anyone who's sponsor is keeping them on step one for that long to find another sponsor. Someone with some knowledge on the Big Book should be able to clearly explain step one in a matter of minutes. If you grasp what is explained and believe it applies to you then there is no reason to stay on step one. The steps are meant to be worked quickly. Loss of momentum sends a lot of people back out. Is there something about step one you dont understand or is it your sponsor saying you are not ready?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
"I don't want to know what it looks like when I've made it...and what is "it"?"-Bob D.
He's one of my AA heroes. That being said he just celebrated 34 yrs of sobriety and hasn't finished yet so I suspect at 3 years I am not finished either.
What I will say about the pace is I didn't get into the steps right away early on. I also didn't do anything but sit around and smoke cigarettes until I got in the steps either. It's an absolute miracle I stayed clean and sober...I call that a grace period now. The terrible dilemma is none of us know how fast that window of grace closes. What the steps do is put me in conscious contact with that which was giving me the grace.
My early recovery looked like a lot of nothing, which in turn is kinda what my life did too. If things are to change I have to get involved and put forth the effort. Once I got excited about recovery, involved in all 12 steps, my life caught on fire...like firing a jet pack!
Today I don't take much time with the guys I sponsor. I put it on them. We move at the pace they walk through what is laid in front of them. With enough willingness some are in inventory the first week. Amends by the second.
He's one of my AA heroes. That being said he just celebrated 34 yrs of sobriety and hasn't finished yet so I suspect at 3 years I am not finished either.
What I will say about the pace is I didn't get into the steps right away early on. I also didn't do anything but sit around and smoke cigarettes until I got in the steps either. It's an absolute miracle I stayed clean and sober...I call that a grace period now. The terrible dilemma is none of us know how fast that window of grace closes. What the steps do is put me in conscious contact with that which was giving me the grace.
My early recovery looked like a lot of nothing, which in turn is kinda what my life did too. If things are to change I have to get involved and put forth the effort. Once I got excited about recovery, involved in all 12 steps, my life caught on fire...like firing a jet pack!
Today I don't take much time with the guys I sponsor. I put it on them. We move at the pace they walk through what is laid in front of them. With enough willingness some are in inventory the first week. Amends by the second.
Another Day in Paradise
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Upland, CA
Posts: 900
I took the steps in the first 3 months after I quit drinking. There are the maintenance steps 10-11-12 which I continue to work and there were some amends that popped up as late as 5 years after I stopped drinking. I suspect there may still be some opportunities to make amends lurking out there and I just celebrated 13 years.
For me the steps were just that, steps forward from a life that was not what I wanted and I decided not to ritualize them, but rather use the formula that I heard in a meeting early on:
The steps are basically divided into three categories.
1-2-3 RESIGNATION: we realized we had a problem and we couldn't fix it without assistance.
4-5-6-7-8-9 PERSPERATION: we took steps to work our way through the problem that we admitted to in the Resignation steps.
10-11-12 INSPIRATION: continual steps that we take as long as we wish to remain sober that causes us to be our better selves.
These are just my take on the steps and how taking them is a matter of procedure rather than time frame. I was also told, "Never take the steps any faster than you ordered your next drink!"
Jon
For me the steps were just that, steps forward from a life that was not what I wanted and I decided not to ritualize them, but rather use the formula that I heard in a meeting early on:
The steps are basically divided into three categories.
1-2-3 RESIGNATION: we realized we had a problem and we couldn't fix it without assistance.
4-5-6-7-8-9 PERSPERATION: we took steps to work our way through the problem that we admitted to in the Resignation steps.
10-11-12 INSPIRATION: continual steps that we take as long as we wish to remain sober that causes us to be our better selves.
These are just my take on the steps and how taking them is a matter of procedure rather than time frame. I was also told, "Never take the steps any faster than you ordered your next drink!"
Jon
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by StrictScrutiny
I have 44 days sobriety and I've been working with my sponsor for about a month. I'm still barely on step one and getting frustrated. I know this is a great lessen in humility but it drives me nuts! How long does it usually take to work the steps, or does it vary by sponsor?
44 days of sobriety suggest to me you are more advanced than simply being on step one. I'm sure you're more than barely on step one. Perhaps your frustration is arising from not being authentic and self-aware with your own progress? To our own selves be true comes to mind, yeah?
I do not suggest holding yourself on step one is a lesson in humility, but more a lesson in you may need to ask yourself if you need to change out your sponsor ASAP.
Another suggestion, is its not within the scope of authority of a sponsor to decide when one moves from step to step. A sponsor can disagree, of course, but their only recourse would be to continue to help as you progress, or step aside from being your sponsor under those conditions. They have no authority to hold you back or in a particular place with the steps.
I hope you can remedy your frustrations ASAP. Awesome on your 44 days!
Recoveringed
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Thump
Posts: 409
Originally Posted by Gottalife
The steps are about a new way of life. The sooner you take them and begin practicing them in your daily affairs, the sooner your new way of life can begin. In the early days 4 weeks was the usual time for getting through the steps for the first time. Recovery rates were very high, the obsession was taken away. Bill W, Dr Bob and Bill D all took their steps within 2 weeks and recovered. I was well into my 9th step by 90 days and learning about 10,11,12 - a lifetimes work.
The big question is not how long should I take, but how long have I got to get the work done before the spritual malady returns, and I get so uncomfortable that I drink again.
The period of grace seems to vary from just a few days for some, to a few months for others.
I can't underrstand how you have got stuck on step one - we cocede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic and can not manage our own lives, And we have no delusions that at some future date we will be able to drink again. That was a no brainer for me. If your sponsor is holding you back, maybe you need to find another sponsor, you don't have time to waste passing someones idea of a step 1 exam.
The big question is not how long should I take, but how long have I got to get the work done before the spritual malady returns, and I get so uncomfortable that I drink again.
The period of grace seems to vary from just a few days for some, to a few months for others.
I can't underrstand how you have got stuck on step one - we cocede to our innermost selves that we are alcoholic and can not manage our own lives, And we have no delusions that at some future date we will be able to drink again. That was a no brainer for me. If your sponsor is holding you back, maybe you need to find another sponsor, you don't have time to waste passing someones idea of a step 1 exam.
Ditto, ditto, ditto.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
i personally cant remember how long it was. i knew the 1st part of step 12 had aoccured when others had noticed i wasnt who i used to be.
how long it takes varies.
practicing the principles of the steps( which i dont hear enough about and is the steps in their simplest form) in all my affairs must never stop.
how long it takes varies.
practicing the principles of the steps( which i dont hear enough about and is the steps in their simplest form) in all my affairs must never stop.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
The first several chapters and the chapter on working with others give the sponsor some fairly explicit instructions on what to ask a sponsee in relation to the first step. Ive held sponsees on step 1 for longer than 44 days BECAUSE they were ON step one but wouldn't/couldn't "take" (agree with) the step.
I've yet to run into a situation like this where the new person was doing everything asked of them and it was just a sponsor being sadistic or lazy. Ill say nothing is 100% but every case like this I've heard of in real life, once I spoke to the sponsor.....I got a COMMMMMPLETELY different story.
I've yet to run into a situation like this where the new person was doing everything asked of them and it was just a sponsor being sadistic or lazy. Ill say nothing is 100% but every case like this I've heard of in real life, once I spoke to the sponsor.....I got a COMMMMMPLETELY different story.
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