gallybhoy

the only answer i have is to keep it simple and look to all the other people who thought that they didnt need AA anymore. The door does swing both ways but are you willing to take the chance that with your life. When again and again we are shown that without AA death or insanity again are you ready to take that gamble????? take care God Bless and you are all in my prayers

Veritas1

cont. (sorry, ran out of time on edits)...

Part of me, was like, oh...he is on my side...what have I done...now he isn't going to encourage me to drink...the truth is here...it's that moment of choosing...what am I going to choose this time...or is it me choosing, or is it God stopping me, helping me.

It definitely was all about what am "I" going to do in that moment.

My head was thinking...what time is it....how much time do I have...I could go run to the store to buy something before it's time to go get my child from school.

Imagine that. What a crazy thought.

I haven't had a drink since April 20, and the best thought I have would be to throw it all away, for an illusion of being able to drink like a normal person.

Boleo

As a mere mortal human being, I have to be aware that I have limited self-will and can only do so much by myself. That differs from apathy and stoicism in the sense that I can not sit on my a$$ and wait for every thing to be done for me. I have the responsibility to do my part but I also have the humility to recognize that success and failure are not mine to pocket.

As an alcoholic beyond human aid, I can not manage my sobriety in any way, shape or form. That does not mean I am not responsible for taking the action that will lead me to a Higher Power that will manage my sobriety for me. I do what I can and then detach from the outcome. That is where "Trust God, clean house and help others" takes the place of choosing not to drink.

Spiritual Detachment is the result of trusting God to do his part.

Mark75

I don't know, those early days were tough. I wanted to be able to do what I wanted. I wanted to, well, be able to drink like my wife, friends... Be a grown up like everyone else, LOL.

I really had to subjugate myself. I wasn't in charge anymore and I had to get comfortable with that. So I had to trust God. Simple, not easy... Could I just step aside and let Him in, do His will? I wanted what I wanted and when I wanted it.

It got better, not when I wanted it to, LOL, damnit... But it did get better, lots better. I never thought it would. I don't think about drinking much anymore. Sometimes the thought drifts across my consciousness... but I can let it do just that now. My adult son stuffs the garage refridgerator with beer, my wife has her tall white wine spritzer at the end of the night... and I crack open a nice cold Diet Coke... and it's the most natural thing in the world.

But I had to get over myself first. And trust, did I mention trust? LOL... trust the process. Trust him. He doesn't want me to suffer.

Edit... Boleo.. LOL I posted when you were... Thanx buddy, for your post and your help with this..

Veritas1

OH, I like that Boleo.

What a great positive affirmation.

I am responsbible to take action that leads me to God who will solve my problem. Love it.

Thank you.

Notabobblehead

For me, power of choice relates to my powerlessness over drinking. Today the only solution for my lack of power is spiritual. I knew ten years before I got sober that once I started I couldn’t stop. So, without knowing the words “power of choice” I knew I was powerless.

No matter how many years I stay sober I will never gain power or choice once I pick up the drink.

My belief is this: The spiritual solution allows me not to drink today. Without the spiritual solution I do not have a choice. Insanity will return. Eventually I will pick up.

Between 10 and 12 years I began questioning my power. Hmmm it’s easy to stay sober I thought. Can I now drink without all those consequences? I’ll get right back into AA if things start going bad. During this time I believed in God but had no reliance on him. I did not practice a spiritual solution. Insanity had returned. I was getting closer and closer to the drink.

Through a series of situations (God) I finally started working the steps as suggested in the BB.

Because of the spiritual solution, I have recovered from this mental obsession. I continue to go to 2-3 meetings a week to carry this message. I am there to help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. The spiritual solution is not complete without twelfth step work.

Route164

Thanks all for your thoughtful replies.
The tenth step promises place me in neutrality , safe and protected.
I think the notion of free will and having the choice to go decide to drink just scares me, it makes me assume I have the will power to stay away from the drink. Step 11 teaches me when I practice it aligning my will with Gods is the proper use of my will power .
I know deep deep deep down the Higher Power is the reason I am sober.
Thanks to all !!! It is so nice to have help from multiple sources !!

NYCDoglvr

I've been sober a long time and recently I started questioning this as well. Yes, I'm an alcoholic. Drinking was a choice I made in the same way that not drinking is what I choose each day now. One of the most important things we learn is "I am responsible" for everything I do, say and think. I simply don't get "lost the ability to choose....." I knew the terrible things that happened in my life were a result of drinking but I continued to drink anyhow. Self-destructiveness. It took a very close brush with death that led me running to AA out of fear. I keep going to meetings out of fear because I don't think I could get sober a second time.

I believe denial is always perched on my shoulder. If I don't remind myself I'm an alcoholic by going to meetings I will probably drink. An early sponsor told me "it's not a major event that leads to a relapse, it's more likely a run in your pantyhose".

NYCDoglvr

It's a good idea to keep in mind that the majority of recovering alcoholics don't come to AA. I've known several who have more time than me. However, when I moved into AA I accept the teaching of AA completely. Heard this in a meeting two days ago: "When I cut back on meetings I prove I'm an alcoholic because I get crazy."

sugErspun

If I have the power to choose - then I don't fit the description of the alcoholic in the book.

If I don't fit the description, I can't relate.

If I can't relate, I don't share the common problem that is so well described in Alcoholics Anonymous.

If I don't have the common problem - what am I doing here?



The notion of choice, or that somehow I just need time to get to a place when I will be able to choose : Makes no sense to me whatsoever.

I would have made the choice long ago to "don't drink". Could never seem to pull that one off.

EricL

So much truth in this post. My drinking placed me in a position where I was beyond human aide. I woke up in the morning swearing off alcohol (with and without solemn oath), bound and determined that "today" would be different and I would get my act together. However I was dumbfounded when I would find myself drunk again, often before noon. After all, I had, not hours ago, made a declaration that this was it, today was a new day.

Some people are able to make that declaration, and follow it through given sufficient reason, the big book refers to these as "hard drinkers", then there are "real alcoholics" who have lost that power. These are the drinkers who try other secular means and find them lacking, after all I was beyond human aide. After much trial and error I surrendered to the idea that I was beyond human aide and needed a spiritual solution if I was looking for victory over alcohol.

I think the rooms are full of people who are not beyond human aide, who do not need to do the same things we need to do to recover. And I pose those same questions quoted above (in different wording) to guys that I work with, just like was done with me. To those that are doubting whether or not they fit description our book offers a simple test "Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition."

rochadad

No! Just a suggestion, but please don't do the "simple test". I'm wondering how many people did this and never lived to tell us that hey...I'm a "real" alcoholic.

muvinon

Most people who share about relapsing say that their "thinking" relapse occurred long before they picked up the drink. This truth is seen in hindsight.

I can be dry but thinking crazy, and I assume that's when I'm at risk for no defense against that first drink. It's harder to think crazy when I've got a very consistent routine that involves prayer, meditation, and being of service to others.

Otherwise, going on the water wagon would work dandy.