Fear of aa
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Springfield MO
Posts: 8
Fear of aa
Hello,
I am an addict, I have went to a couple na meetings but I am not finding what I need there I need people who are more involved in the program. My last meeting after a week binge I went to no one reached out and I couldn't reach out myself I was stuck in my own fear and I wanted so badly to feel welcome but I just felt like I was interupting a private get together. I even had a lady pat me on the back and say "good luck" I couldn't have got out of that meeting faster. I feel so so out of place and timid and uncomfortable I don't know how to get over that. I am looking at going to AA but I feel really out of place because alcohol is a last resort for me. I went to AA meetings for four days then fell off. I don't like to drink but do out of desperation and the things I heard I could definately apply to my drugging experience but I just am so insecure. I just need something to help me change my life I feel like I am not full blown but well on my way to disaster and try as I may I can't stop on my own I have to face the fact that I will use any substance just to feel comfortable or normal. I want change I want to work the steps but just feel like I don't belong anywhere. I can't seem to walk into meetings I will get to the door and run like hell I am terrified of rejection of judgement people thinking I don't really have a problem. I know its stupid and childish but its anxiety they will put me into a straight panic attack. I don't know why this is or what to do. I just want to put this to rest and get help because I know I need it. Anyone else feel this way, or can you please help me find ways to get rid of this rediculous fear that is stopping me from getting involved every time I relapse the binge gets longer and the damage greater but the fear I have is consuming me how do I gather the courage to walk in and not feel like I dont belong.
I am an addict, I have went to a couple na meetings but I am not finding what I need there I need people who are more involved in the program. My last meeting after a week binge I went to no one reached out and I couldn't reach out myself I was stuck in my own fear and I wanted so badly to feel welcome but I just felt like I was interupting a private get together. I even had a lady pat me on the back and say "good luck" I couldn't have got out of that meeting faster. I feel so so out of place and timid and uncomfortable I don't know how to get over that. I am looking at going to AA but I feel really out of place because alcohol is a last resort for me. I went to AA meetings for four days then fell off. I don't like to drink but do out of desperation and the things I heard I could definately apply to my drugging experience but I just am so insecure. I just need something to help me change my life I feel like I am not full blown but well on my way to disaster and try as I may I can't stop on my own I have to face the fact that I will use any substance just to feel comfortable or normal. I want change I want to work the steps but just feel like I don't belong anywhere. I can't seem to walk into meetings I will get to the door and run like hell I am terrified of rejection of judgement people thinking I don't really have a problem. I know its stupid and childish but its anxiety they will put me into a straight panic attack. I don't know why this is or what to do. I just want to put this to rest and get help because I know I need it. Anyone else feel this way, or can you please help me find ways to get rid of this rediculous fear that is stopping me from getting involved every time I relapse the binge gets longer and the damage greater but the fear I have is consuming me how do I gather the courage to walk in and not feel like I dont belong.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
This is from a good site...I'll post it at the bottom.
The Problem of Fear
Regardless of the type, size or location of their first AA meeting, newcomers face a predictable series of challenges that must be overcome in order to begin to benefit from AA. By far the greatest problem most individuals experience when beginning AA is how to deal with their fear.
Fear is the great enemy of recovery from alcoholism and indeed from any serious addiction. Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away from what is good for him(for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and toward what is bad for him(isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs). Even when a person has supposedly "hit bottom" as a consequence of his addiction and sincerely, desperately desires to overcome it and begin leading a healthy life, the painful and aversive affects of shame, guilt and fear often conspire with his addiction to thwart him and bring his hopes to naught. In all too many cases the fear of the steps necessary for lasting recovery may be greater than the alcoholic's fear of relapse into alcoholism, resulting in the familiar "On again, off again" pattern many alcoholics and addicts display as they begin to flirt with but not yet commit to recovery. (See Why is Recovery So Hard? and Obstacles to Recovery.)
It is the rare newcomer to an AA meeting who is not at least inwardly quaking in his boots. Fear of the unknown and of strange situations is a perfectly normal human response. In fact, it is a necessary response: for without the capacity for fear, no individual would survive for long. Fearful anticipation and resulting hyper-vigilance serve to protect people from harm in strange situations.
The fear of the typical newcomer to an AA meeting begins but by no means ends with this normal and adaptive apprehension in regard to the unfamiliar. The newcomer is vulnerable to many other fears which usually cause far greater distress and may eventually cause him to run away, to adopt a combative attitude, or simply to be unable to profit from his AA experience.
It is probably true in general that the famous "fight or flight" response is the characteristic response of most higher organisms to perceived threat. If a danger is spotted one must either overcome it, usually by attack, or run away to escape harm and even death.
The majority of alcoholics dispose of their fear –dread would probably be a more accurate word- of AA meetings(and alcohol treatment) by the classical phobic-avoidance method: they stay as far away from them as possible. This phobic avoidance is commonly rationalized in various ways, some of which may be superficially plausible. But the underlying problem in almost all cases is fear.
The alcoholic who actually attends an AA meeting, therefore, is the exception to this rule of avoidance. The "normal" thing is for the alcoholic to shy away from AA and anything remotely resembling AA. And the chief reason for this avoidance is fear, followed closely by the intense shame that is characteristic of most advanced addictive disease.
What is the alcoholic so afraid of that he is willing to go to any length -sometimes even to die- to avoid AA meetings? Every individual has a unique story – but there are some common factors which, while varying in relative importance in each case, actually constitute the principal explanation for the typical alcoholic's fear and loathing of AA.
We should keep in mind that the alcoholic attending his first AA meeting seldom does so in a state of mental calm and physical equilibrium. Usually there has been a drinking-related crisis of some kind that has prompted the first visit to AA. A considerable amount of "energy" is required to lift the alcoholic from his normal, i.e. drinking "orbit" into the initially much more aversive AA "orbit." And it is the nature of addiction that mere rational analysis seldom provides sufficient energy for such a drastic change of state. Something more, and often something painful and undeniable, is usually required in addition to whatever intellectual insight the alcoholic may possess. Attendance at one's first AA meeting does not take place in a vacuum but in the context of an existence that more often than not is riddled and riven with turmoil resulting from alcoholic drinking and behavior.
Something else to keep in mind when considering the first AA meeting is the usually highly abnormal and unstable physical state of the alcoholic. For whether he is still drinking, has attempted to cut down, or has recently stopped altogether, his brain is seldom in a healthy functional state. More often than not these days, drugs besides alcohol are likely to be part of the picture as well. All of this undermines the clarity and stability of the newcomer's psyche and makes the chore of correctly perceiving and interpreting the meeting environment more difficult.
The basic fear of the average alcoholic attending his first AA meeting is loss of face, i.e. fear of painful narcissistic injury, humiliation, or social embarrassment. To attend an AA meeting means to acknowledge that one is or might be an alcoholic who has been unable to control his drinking! This fear originates and is maintained solely in the alcoholic's head and is largely independent of external influence – especially external influence that might be thought to ameliorate it. Thus the newcomer at an AA meeting is frequently ashamed to be seen there despite knowing full well that everyone else present is also an alcoholic. This is because the "seeing" that pains him is his own seeing of himself as someone with a drinking problem who is in need of help. Well-meant reassurances from other people are of little help here and may even make the shame worse. For the alcoholic is ashamed in his own eyes and before himself, feelings that commonly overflow and then are projected upon others. The self-critical and ashamed alcoholic thus experiences his own internal self-condemnation as external criticism and disapproval coming or threatening to come from others.
A soldier on night sentry duty on the frontier of hostile and dangerous territory will naturally be alert to every sound and shadowy movement as possibly indicating the threatening presence of the enemy. His attention is focused and organized to detect and act upon signs of imminent attack. Everything else has been put on the back burner for as long as he stands sentry duty. Such a soldier is not interested in, nor would he be very good at learning various kinds of new information about the theory of standing guard, the politics of warfare, or the geologic history of the landscape he is presently patrolling. His survival depends upon the capacity of his mind to weed out such extraneous or distracting input and to remain fixated upon the immediate task of survival through vigilance and readiness for quick response. Not merely his weapon but the soldier himself is "locked and loaded," i.e. ready for combat.
In the same way the individual exposed for the first time to an entirely new and, in his mind, potentially threatening environment such as an AA meeting will be in a state of heightened defensive vigilance, scanning the environment and the behavior of others for any signs of danger. This is by no means the optimum state of mind to make objective assessments and to draw reliable conclusions about what is going on. People under conditions of perceived high threat view, organize and interpret their environment just as the soldier-sentry described above does: they are watchful, suspicious, cautious, and prepared to fight or flee on a moment's notice.
In brief, the high anxiety and selective attention of many AA newcomers causes them to experience and evaluate their meeting environment and the people in it in a distorted fashion. Only by coming back a number of times with a diminishing level of fear and anxiety do individuals unfamiliar with AA meetings begin to acquire a more rounded, accurate and in-depth view of what is actually going on – as opposed to what they fear is or might shortly be going on.
All of the observations made above apply with even more force to those not infrequent instances in which the newcomer, in addition to suffering from alcoholism, also suffers from a significant anxiety disorder such as "social phobia" or "social anxiety disorder." A very high percentage of alcoholics, 50% or more in some studies, show evidence of an associated anxiety or depressive condition in addition to their alcoholism. In these cases faster progress in AA and sobriety is usually made when separate professional treatment is obtained for the "dual diagnosis" condition.
Your First AA Meeting<
The Problem of Fear
Regardless of the type, size or location of their first AA meeting, newcomers face a predictable series of challenges that must be overcome in order to begin to benefit from AA. By far the greatest problem most individuals experience when beginning AA is how to deal with their fear.
Fear is the great enemy of recovery from alcoholism and indeed from any serious addiction. Intensely negative emotions such as fear, shame, and guilt obstruct the road to recovery and detour the alcoholic-addict away from what is good for him(for example, AA meetings, therapy, rehab) and toward what is bad for him(isolation, secrecy, alcohol and drugs). Even when a person has supposedly "hit bottom" as a consequence of his addiction and sincerely, desperately desires to overcome it and begin leading a healthy life, the painful and aversive affects of shame, guilt and fear often conspire with his addiction to thwart him and bring his hopes to naught. In all too many cases the fear of the steps necessary for lasting recovery may be greater than the alcoholic's fear of relapse into alcoholism, resulting in the familiar "On again, off again" pattern many alcoholics and addicts display as they begin to flirt with but not yet commit to recovery. (See Why is Recovery So Hard? and Obstacles to Recovery.)
It is the rare newcomer to an AA meeting who is not at least inwardly quaking in his boots. Fear of the unknown and of strange situations is a perfectly normal human response. In fact, it is a necessary response: for without the capacity for fear, no individual would survive for long. Fearful anticipation and resulting hyper-vigilance serve to protect people from harm in strange situations.
The fear of the typical newcomer to an AA meeting begins but by no means ends with this normal and adaptive apprehension in regard to the unfamiliar. The newcomer is vulnerable to many other fears which usually cause far greater distress and may eventually cause him to run away, to adopt a combative attitude, or simply to be unable to profit from his AA experience.
It is probably true in general that the famous "fight or flight" response is the characteristic response of most higher organisms to perceived threat. If a danger is spotted one must either overcome it, usually by attack, or run away to escape harm and even death.
The majority of alcoholics dispose of their fear –dread would probably be a more accurate word- of AA meetings(and alcohol treatment) by the classical phobic-avoidance method: they stay as far away from them as possible. This phobic avoidance is commonly rationalized in various ways, some of which may be superficially plausible. But the underlying problem in almost all cases is fear.
The alcoholic who actually attends an AA meeting, therefore, is the exception to this rule of avoidance. The "normal" thing is for the alcoholic to shy away from AA and anything remotely resembling AA. And the chief reason for this avoidance is fear, followed closely by the intense shame that is characteristic of most advanced addictive disease.
What is the alcoholic so afraid of that he is willing to go to any length -sometimes even to die- to avoid AA meetings? Every individual has a unique story – but there are some common factors which, while varying in relative importance in each case, actually constitute the principal explanation for the typical alcoholic's fear and loathing of AA.
We should keep in mind that the alcoholic attending his first AA meeting seldom does so in a state of mental calm and physical equilibrium. Usually there has been a drinking-related crisis of some kind that has prompted the first visit to AA. A considerable amount of "energy" is required to lift the alcoholic from his normal, i.e. drinking "orbit" into the initially much more aversive AA "orbit." And it is the nature of addiction that mere rational analysis seldom provides sufficient energy for such a drastic change of state. Something more, and often something painful and undeniable, is usually required in addition to whatever intellectual insight the alcoholic may possess. Attendance at one's first AA meeting does not take place in a vacuum but in the context of an existence that more often than not is riddled and riven with turmoil resulting from alcoholic drinking and behavior.
Something else to keep in mind when considering the first AA meeting is the usually highly abnormal and unstable physical state of the alcoholic. For whether he is still drinking, has attempted to cut down, or has recently stopped altogether, his brain is seldom in a healthy functional state. More often than not these days, drugs besides alcohol are likely to be part of the picture as well. All of this undermines the clarity and stability of the newcomer's psyche and makes the chore of correctly perceiving and interpreting the meeting environment more difficult.
The basic fear of the average alcoholic attending his first AA meeting is loss of face, i.e. fear of painful narcissistic injury, humiliation, or social embarrassment. To attend an AA meeting means to acknowledge that one is or might be an alcoholic who has been unable to control his drinking! This fear originates and is maintained solely in the alcoholic's head and is largely independent of external influence – especially external influence that might be thought to ameliorate it. Thus the newcomer at an AA meeting is frequently ashamed to be seen there despite knowing full well that everyone else present is also an alcoholic. This is because the "seeing" that pains him is his own seeing of himself as someone with a drinking problem who is in need of help. Well-meant reassurances from other people are of little help here and may even make the shame worse. For the alcoholic is ashamed in his own eyes and before himself, feelings that commonly overflow and then are projected upon others. The self-critical and ashamed alcoholic thus experiences his own internal self-condemnation as external criticism and disapproval coming or threatening to come from others.
A soldier on night sentry duty on the frontier of hostile and dangerous territory will naturally be alert to every sound and shadowy movement as possibly indicating the threatening presence of the enemy. His attention is focused and organized to detect and act upon signs of imminent attack. Everything else has been put on the back burner for as long as he stands sentry duty. Such a soldier is not interested in, nor would he be very good at learning various kinds of new information about the theory of standing guard, the politics of warfare, or the geologic history of the landscape he is presently patrolling. His survival depends upon the capacity of his mind to weed out such extraneous or distracting input and to remain fixated upon the immediate task of survival through vigilance and readiness for quick response. Not merely his weapon but the soldier himself is "locked and loaded," i.e. ready for combat.
In the same way the individual exposed for the first time to an entirely new and, in his mind, potentially threatening environment such as an AA meeting will be in a state of heightened defensive vigilance, scanning the environment and the behavior of others for any signs of danger. This is by no means the optimum state of mind to make objective assessments and to draw reliable conclusions about what is going on. People under conditions of perceived high threat view, organize and interpret their environment just as the soldier-sentry described above does: they are watchful, suspicious, cautious, and prepared to fight or flee on a moment's notice.
In brief, the high anxiety and selective attention of many AA newcomers causes them to experience and evaluate their meeting environment and the people in it in a distorted fashion. Only by coming back a number of times with a diminishing level of fear and anxiety do individuals unfamiliar with AA meetings begin to acquire a more rounded, accurate and in-depth view of what is actually going on – as opposed to what they fear is or might shortly be going on.
All of the observations made above apply with even more force to those not infrequent instances in which the newcomer, in addition to suffering from alcoholism, also suffers from a significant anxiety disorder such as "social phobia" or "social anxiety disorder." A very high percentage of alcoholics, 50% or more in some studies, show evidence of an associated anxiety or depressive condition in addition to their alcoholism. In these cases faster progress in AA and sobriety is usually made when separate professional treatment is obtained for the "dual diagnosis" condition.
Your First AA Meeting<
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
I had a hard time at meetings for slightly different reasons but I did find a substance abuse therapist who was/is in recovery, in NA and AA and I did my first step work with her. I was court ordered to see her anyway....but at least I got something positive from it. Maybe u could do likewise.
I worried about pols judgements the most when I was my most judgmental. Most of those fears, I had to act as if I wasn't afraid and so "it" anyway. I had to Push through the fear. As I did that, my judgements of others started to subside and, with that, so did my fears of others' judgements. Getting over my self-righteous opinions of others helped that fear of "them" the most though.
I worried about pols judgements the most when I was my most judgmental. Most of those fears, I had to act as if I wasn't afraid and so "it" anyway. I had to Push through the fear. As I did that, my judgements of others started to subside and, with that, so did my fears of others' judgements. Getting over my self-righteous opinions of others helped that fear of "them" the most though.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Bay Area - Northern California
Posts: 69
Allow yourself to be uncomfortable
Your post reminds me of a young lady just a couple of years older than you whom I see in meetings more and more often. She just celebrated a year in recovery a week or two ago. She said that she felt very uncomfortable in meetings and that she didn't like going to them at first but knew she didn't want to continue using so she "allowed herself to feel uncomfortable" in meetings and around people. (My experience watching a person grow from uncomfortable to comfortable).
I hope you find away to allow yourself to feel uncomfortable until you start to feel comfortable...
Feelings are meant to be felt...
Depression, anxiety, and so many more issues; so much emotional pain; comes from trying to control our feelings so we don’t have to feel them. (Just my opinion, which doesn't really matter)
I hope you keep going to meetings and stay clean "no matter what"...
I hope you find away to allow yourself to feel uncomfortable until you start to feel comfortable...
Feelings are meant to be felt...
Depression, anxiety, and so many more issues; so much emotional pain; comes from trying to control our feelings so we don’t have to feel them. (Just my opinion, which doesn't really matter)
I hope you keep going to meetings and stay clean "no matter what"...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
There are a lot of us who have felt what you have felt. I always felt like an intruder at someone else's party at 12-step meetings. I think that people get to involved with their friends to engage with anyone outside their immediate circle--especially new people who come in, since who knows if they will ever come back.
But this is the tool you have for recovery right now. You may find that things turn around for you in the program in time and you grow to love it--or you may find that 12-step programs are not right for you. But my strong recommendation is to stay with the meetings until you find another program and feel secure in it.
I eventually left the 12-step path, but it was those awful meetings that helped me find the recovery I am pursuing now. So your time will not be wasted whatever the outcome. But you need something. And maybe someone will say something that leads you to what DOES work for you. (That is what happened to me.)
But this is the tool you have for recovery right now. You may find that things turn around for you in the program in time and you grow to love it--or you may find that 12-step programs are not right for you. But my strong recommendation is to stay with the meetings until you find another program and feel secure in it.
I eventually left the 12-step path, but it was those awful meetings that helped me find the recovery I am pursuing now. So your time will not be wasted whatever the outcome. But you need something. And maybe someone will say something that leads you to what DOES work for you. (That is what happened to me.)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Springfield MO
Posts: 8
I went to one meeting consistantly but there were not a lot of females. I talked to a couple females about sponsors and what not no one seemed to have any answers I asked one lady about getting her to sponsor and she told me not to rush into it, but I need someone to be accountable to, no one gives a flying crap if I am going to meetings no one is there to support me its just me. I am not very reliable once I get a craving I have a difficult time talking myself out of it and into going to meeting I tried to reach out for the four days I was going to the same meeting but felt a little shut down and honestly I dont think I was ready to admit that I had a problem fully but sitting here shakey and miserable and completely broke and on my ass I can not deny the issue at hand any longer I can't keep doing this.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Go to a meeting and find another new person, preferably a lady, and try to get to know her.
Get her phone number and the two of you go to meetings together. Encourage each other to go and meet other new people.
Don't rely too much on the others being concerned about your attendance, YOU make sure you are at the meetings regularly. The rest will fall into place as it always does.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Get her phone number and the two of you go to meetings together. Encourage each other to go and meet other new people.
Don't rely too much on the others being concerned about your attendance, YOU make sure you are at the meetings regularly. The rest will fall into place as it always does.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
can only echo what has been said here- "keep coming back" "can't worry about saving face when i need to save my ass"
get phone numbers of recovering folk. AND CALL THEM!
for me , AA [and NA ] were the "last house on the block" from there , it could only be the jails , institutions or death they refer to in the readings- since i had already done the first 2 , even my shaky math skills could figure out what was left....
get phone numbers of recovering folk. AND CALL THEM!
for me , AA [and NA ] were the "last house on the block" from there , it could only be the jails , institutions or death they refer to in the readings- since i had already done the first 2 , even my shaky math skills could figure out what was left....
Choosing Life
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Montana
Posts: 1,435
I was terrified about going to AA. If you'd told me a few months ago that not only would I go but that I would look forward to going, I'd have looked at you like you had lobsters coming out of your ears. My first meeting was scary but the warmth and acceptance in the room was amazing and I went to another one that same night so I could "relive" the experience again. I'd been so lonely for so long and to have so many people come around me at a time when I needed it most was a lifeline. They loved me until I could start loving myself again.
You've got nothing to lose by reaching out to AA's - they will reach back. When they give you their phone numbers and say "Call anytime," they mean it. I've heard this many times in the room since my first meeting and it definitely rings true with me ... "Keep coming back ... it works if you work it ...it's free, but if you don't like it, we'll gladly refund your misery."
You've got nothing to lose by reaching out to AA's - they will reach back. When they give you their phone numbers and say "Call anytime," they mean it. I've heard this many times in the room since my first meeting and it definitely rings true with me ... "Keep coming back ... it works if you work it ...it's free, but if you don't like it, we'll gladly refund your misery."
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
I think it is hard to find someone to be accountable to in meetings. They just do not know you enough. Maybe strengthening bonds with friends? I realized in recovery that I needed people I could depend on. Not that I even had to spill my guts to, but just people who would show up when we arranged to meet for coffee. I think that kind of personal bond and reliability is more often found with non-alcoholics and non-addicts.
It is hard when the cravings hit. That is something I still struggle with. I think that this is something no one can do for you. No one can recover for you--you have to figure it out yourself.
I used to get frustrated with 12-step fellowships because the thinking was all long term. I would be told here and on other sites that when I felt the urge to use, I should do the 12-steps. I could never figure out how to do them on Friday at 1:00 am and often just gave up. But I think that the answer to do the steps was like a koan. Of course I could not do them at 1:00am while thinking of drinking or drugging. They take more than a few minutes or hours to get through. But it reminded me that there were lots of parts of recovery in which I had to find a solution myself. There is no one who can tell you how to stop those urges in the short term. 12-step programs and (I think) other forms of recovery look at the longer process. But there are things you have to create for yourself--no matter what form of recovery you eventually commit to.
It is hard when the cravings hit. That is something I still struggle with. I think that this is something no one can do for you. No one can recover for you--you have to figure it out yourself.
I used to get frustrated with 12-step fellowships because the thinking was all long term. I would be told here and on other sites that when I felt the urge to use, I should do the 12-steps. I could never figure out how to do them on Friday at 1:00 am and often just gave up. But I think that the answer to do the steps was like a koan. Of course I could not do them at 1:00am while thinking of drinking or drugging. They take more than a few minutes or hours to get through. But it reminded me that there were lots of parts of recovery in which I had to find a solution myself. There is no one who can tell you how to stop those urges in the short term. 12-step programs and (I think) other forms of recovery look at the longer process. But there are things you have to create for yourself--no matter what form of recovery you eventually commit to.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by needadviceplz 
how do I gather the courage to walk in and not feel like I dont belong.
Simple truth is keep going to the meetings and participating the best you can. You will go through a myriad of emotions and feelings that scare us but you will soon feel like you belong...AND YOU WILL. Meet another newcomer and hook up with them to attend meetings, it makes it easier and you can help each other.
No short cuts, no easier, softer way.. but you will soon be amazed at how good you feel and look forward to the meetings.
I'm going to pat you on the back and say 'It's not as bad as you think, you can do it... I did. We look forward to seeing you. We need you"
Bob r
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
my experience is 180 degrees different from Miamifellow- in my 16 years of recovery [AA/NA] other recovering addicts and alcoholics have ALWAYS been there when i needed them most . In the early years they were the men i could call at midnite and who would talk me away from my using. Later, they were there when i had "high class problems" - they has ESH around employment/ tax bills/relationship issues etc.
Still later, when my son was in ICU for a month, there were guys whom i had never met, who came to the hospital and took me to and from meetings in their city. My sponsor had called his sponsor who called his sponsees and so i could make those meetings.... members from my current home group and from past home groups drove 2, 3, and 4 hours to be there for me and my son. Others took care of my home and my businesses for that month. When we got home, they were there to DO what needed to be done to help me and my boy. Some 2 and 1/2 years later, they are still there for us.... still DOING what needs to be done....
Y'know- today I live several miles down a dirt road , several more miles from a village of less than 400 souls. Kind of an ideal isolation set up . My recovering bros- sponsor, sponsees as well as just others on this road make sure that my life stays balanced . I am so grateful for the fellowship....
Still later, when my son was in ICU for a month, there were guys whom i had never met, who came to the hospital and took me to and from meetings in their city. My sponsor had called his sponsor who called his sponsees and so i could make those meetings.... members from my current home group and from past home groups drove 2, 3, and 4 hours to be there for me and my son. Others took care of my home and my businesses for that month. When we got home, they were there to DO what needed to be done to help me and my boy. Some 2 and 1/2 years later, they are still there for us.... still DOING what needs to be done....
Y'know- today I live several miles down a dirt road , several more miles from a village of less than 400 souls. Kind of an ideal isolation set up . My recovering bros- sponsor, sponsees as well as just others on this road make sure that my life stays balanced . I am so grateful for the fellowship....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
That is great mackincat. I think it is important to be able to call on people when in trouble, but again on this site, I have been told that I should do the steps instead. And in meetings that we should not drag anyone else down with us. This seems to be a debated issue in the fellowships, but I am on your side of the question.
It may just be the places I have lived, but I never got to know anyone in the program that well, so I never had anyone available in the way you do. I just figured it was BECAUSE they were alcoholics and addicts that they could not form friendships. Maybe it was another reason.
The way you experienced the program sounds like what you read in the literature,whose vision I admire. If I had met with something similar, I might have stayed in the program.
It may just be the places I have lived, but I never got to know anyone in the program that well, so I never had anyone available in the way you do. I just figured it was BECAUSE they were alcoholics and addicts that they could not form friendships. Maybe it was another reason.
The way you experienced the program sounds like what you read in the literature,whose vision I admire. If I had met with something similar, I might have stayed in the program.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 278
There are a lot of snake charming sages in A.A. Beware the old timer who always starts off his share with how many years he's got. Ego tripping is dry drunk thinking'. I have met some very helpful people there but if you aren't Christian, white and male in your mid 40's it can be somewhat annoying. Also, please don't believe everything you hear as truth. The truth is within you. Personally, I thinking getting too heavily involved in any spiritual or religious group is a good way to lose myself. So I take a little here, give a little there...it's all good. Oh yeah...and there are cliques and gossip going on. A.A. Its just people trying to solve a common problem. The energy of the group at large and the fact that everyone is there to support each other is why it works for some. The steps are nothing novel but they are helpful if you are Christain or monotheistic. But even as a Taoist, I can relate to a lot of good things too. But I don't like the A.A. vibe...too many scared people that think they have no power...too many sheep...too many obnoxious talkers...but maybe if I was a real alcoholic I'd definitely go. Usually going to a meeting will keep you from drinking that day. It isn't for me, but it might be right for you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: in the shadow of the rockies
Posts: 338
interesting windblown- my local AA group has no christians [yet] We do have Hindus, buhddists, wiccans, Native Americans, jews, agnostics... often more women than men. all have the commonality of " i will die from this disease if i do not do something different"
yes, powerlessness is at the core - my attempts to 'control' my world were the starting points for my insanity. I like what Mel Ash has to say about the first Step: "By admitting that we are powerless to play God, we no longer expect the world to conform to our egocentric beliefs and opinions . The world's ideas and direction become our own, as it was all along . This is called conforming to the Tao. It is said that if you take a step to the left or right of the Tao, you are lost in your own false sense of control and power. Admitting powerlessness over our specific disease is acknowledging that we must act in accord with a Higher Power, call it Tao , Buddha-nature , Allah, your original self or God"
Yes- my own spiritual concepts have evolved during my 16 yrs of recovery- but if i had waited til everything in AA or NA jived with my very egocentric and quite overblown notions of sanity , i would most likely be dead....
yes, powerlessness is at the core - my attempts to 'control' my world were the starting points for my insanity. I like what Mel Ash has to say about the first Step: "By admitting that we are powerless to play God, we no longer expect the world to conform to our egocentric beliefs and opinions . The world's ideas and direction become our own, as it was all along . This is called conforming to the Tao. It is said that if you take a step to the left or right of the Tao, you are lost in your own false sense of control and power. Admitting powerlessness over our specific disease is acknowledging that we must act in accord with a Higher Power, call it Tao , Buddha-nature , Allah, your original self or God"
Yes- my own spiritual concepts have evolved during my 16 yrs of recovery- but if i had waited til everything in AA or NA jived with my very egocentric and quite overblown notions of sanity , i would most likely be dead....
Last edited by macknacat; 03-24-2012 at 07:40 AM. Reason: add a word
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 58
Hi Need,
I posted something just a few days ago about being nervous about my first meeting. I totally understand. I am a recovering oxy addict (was my first choice, but I also did many other substances, basically anything to help me escape)
This website was the first place I reached out to for extra support. So just being on here will help you. Take things slowly and don't rush. If you don't feel that meeting is for you try to find information in your area on other meetings.
Even try to find someone on this site who lives in your area and who may be able to offer some direction. I met someone on this website who lives basically 5 minutes away from me and he gave me so much information on meetings, he was great!
I was scared too, I would talk myself out of it because my social anxiety would get the best of me. Just keep posting and sharing and it will build up your self confidence and you can try again.
We are all in the same boat
hang in there!
Olivia
I posted something just a few days ago about being nervous about my first meeting. I totally understand. I am a recovering oxy addict (was my first choice, but I also did many other substances, basically anything to help me escape)
This website was the first place I reached out to for extra support. So just being on here will help you. Take things slowly and don't rush. If you don't feel that meeting is for you try to find information in your area on other meetings.
Even try to find someone on this site who lives in your area and who may be able to offer some direction. I met someone on this website who lives basically 5 minutes away from me and he gave me so much information on meetings, he was great!
I was scared too, I would talk myself out of it because my social anxiety would get the best of me. Just keep posting and sharing and it will build up your self confidence and you can try again.
We are all in the same boat
hang in there!Olivia
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