I'm An Ungrateful Alcoholic...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I'm An Ungrateful Alcoholic...
Decided to post this issue because the topic at many of my meetings has been gratitude. I'm not quite grateful for sobriety at the moment. I get stuck comparing myself to people my age who have things that I want. Most of these people have never struggled with addiction & I'm jealous. I was never able to establish a career, buy a home ect... because of my addiction. Some days I feel like I will never achieve anything. Other days I think I'm better than other people. I've been sober since Oct. and was sober 90% of 2011. Of course, the other 10% were serious benders. My physical health & appearance has improved greatly, my mental health not so much. At least I don't wish I was dead on a daily basis. I heard a grateful alcoholic will be less likely to drink again so I know it's important.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
My sponsor told me not to compare other peoples' outsides with my insides. Or something like that. You never know, they might be mentally tormented or have some other serious issues.
I am sorry you are feeling crummy. But you are sober now, and anything is possible!
I am sorry you are feeling crummy. But you are sober now, and anything is possible!
dude in recovery
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Gulf Coast, TX
Posts: 1,504
Originally Posted by Justfor1 
At least I don't wish I was dead on a daily basis.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
I just wanted to add that if I think about things to hard, I get very depressed too. I am taking action- I am in school, going to meetings every day, working with my sponsor and I am getting ready to really get into planting and yard work. That is something I can really see the fruits of my labor in. If you don't have a yard, how about a patio/pot garden? Plants cheer me up for some reason.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,992
I can't recall how long you've been sober, but I know I went through similar feelings. All my past caught up to me and I wasn't seeing a way out.
My saving grace at this point in my sobriety (and I believe it is different for everyone) is when I met my first sponsor, day 12 in sobriety, this time around. This is my entry into the program of AA, not just the meetings. The step work began. It continues.
I haven't looked at my early posts on SR, but I was recently reminded I really wasn't a nice person. I was a person who was hurting, a lot. It showed. Slowly, things changed for me, my work on me was beginning.
What I do know is that things do change, if you can continue moving forward in sobriety. I once read that smiling fools the body into believing it is happy and creates a series of changes within. Try it.
Maybe write a gratitude list, even if it's 1. sober today 2. breathing (alive). Things do change. Give time time.
Just today, stay stopped.
My saving grace at this point in my sobriety (and I believe it is different for everyone) is when I met my first sponsor, day 12 in sobriety, this time around. This is my entry into the program of AA, not just the meetings. The step work began. It continues.
I haven't looked at my early posts on SR, but I was recently reminded I really wasn't a nice person. I was a person who was hurting, a lot. It showed. Slowly, things changed for me, my work on me was beginning.
What I do know is that things do change, if you can continue moving forward in sobriety. I once read that smiling fools the body into believing it is happy and creates a series of changes within. Try it.
Maybe write a gratitude list, even if it's 1. sober today 2. breathing (alive). Things do change. Give time time.Just today, stay stopped.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,954
Originally Posted by Justfor1
Decided to post this issue because the topic at many of my meetings has been gratitude. I'm not quite grateful for sobriety at the moment. I get stuck comparing myself to people my age who have things that I want. Most of these people have never struggled with addiction & I'm jealous. I was never able to establish a career, buy a home ect... because of my addiction. Some days I feel like I will never achieve anything. Other days I think I'm better than other people. I've been sober since Oct. and was sober 90% of 2011. Of course, the other 10% were serious benders. My physical health & appearance has improved greatly, my mental health not so much. At least I don't wish I was dead on a daily basis. I heard a grateful alcoholic will be less likely to drink again so I know it's important.
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Hi Just, Thanks for your honesty. Thank goodness the only requirement is a desire to stop drinking and not any other changable mind state.
I have the desiderata posted on my wall and one line states ....do not compare yourself with others for there will always be lesser and greater persons than yourself. I use this when I can especially in meetings where it seems some personalities attempt to be "more grateful or more sober than another"
I have the desiderata posted on my wall and one line states ....do not compare yourself with others for there will always be lesser and greater persons than yourself. I use this when I can especially in meetings where it seems some personalities attempt to be "more grateful or more sober than another"
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Justfor1
Decided to post this issue because the topic at many of my meetings has been gratitude. I'm not quite grateful for sobriety at the moment. I get stuck comparing myself to people my age who have things that I want. Most of these people have never struggled with addiction & I'm jealous. I was never able to establish a career, buy a home ect... because of my addiction. Some days I feel like I will never achieve anything. Other days I think I'm better than other people. I've been sober since Oct. and was sober 90% of 2011. Of course, the other 10% were serious benders. My physical health & appearance has improved greatly, my mental health not so much. At least I don't wish I was dead on a daily basis. I heard a grateful alcoholic will be less likely to drink again so I know it's important.
It's all relative and I was guaranteed that if I kept coming to AA that things would get better, and they have.
Wishing you the best.
Bob R
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Compare yourself with yourself. Otherwise you're setting yourself up to fail. Nothing else is relevant -- it's only ego. It takes a while to feel comfortable in your own skin. Time varies for each of us. For me it was the good part of a year.
Once in a while I'll feel like you do now (after 20 years) but I snap out of it quickly because I know I need to increase my meetings. I'm not saying you should, this is my program. It also took a while to understand that feelings change constantly. What I know is nothing can get so bad, so terrible, that a drink won't make worse.
Here's a slogan: Feelings Aren't Facts"
If you don't have a sponsor I recommend one. It's ok to feel ungrateful from time to time, just don't pick over a drink.
Once in a while I'll feel like you do now (after 20 years) but I snap out of it quickly because I know I need to increase my meetings. I'm not saying you should, this is my program. It also took a while to understand that feelings change constantly. What I know is nothing can get so bad, so terrible, that a drink won't make worse.
Here's a slogan: Feelings Aren't Facts"
If you don't have a sponsor I recommend one. It's ok to feel ungrateful from time to time, just don't pick over a drink.
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