sugErspun

This is addressed by the 10th and 11th steps. Personally, any time I catch myself being judgmental - it is putting something between me and that which I am judging. There is a place where I can see everything connected and "as one" and see how silly judgments really are..perhaps something to keep the ego entertained.

The problems arise when these judgments create harm..I sense the root is the same as resentment. It is expressed through harm

This is not to say I am anywhere near being above judgments, opinions or anything similar. The difference today is recognizing these things and not letting them create havoc in my life or that of anyone else. If they do begin to cause harm, I have tools to put to use for that as well. Done daily..10 and 11 keep a fairly neat workbench.

zbear23

"Heavily influenced by ego is IMHO a remarkable understatement. In the sense of Bob Dylan's "you gotta serve somebody....it might be the devil, it might be the lord, but you gotta serve somebody," I only have two available teachers (higher powers): ego or spirit, and ego is always the first voice I hear. And it is invariably wrong (it is a liar). It is totally distorted by way of my POV, which has been conditioned by how I interpret every experience I have; and to some degree I distort everything. Who am I to say what is real and what is not? The more I read about things like quantum mechanics, and the more my POV changes as my reality filter has changed from ego to spirit, I am convinced that judgment is all and always ego. But I cannot cease doing it, because I cannot be me without my ego. So I try to 1) keep the verdict to myself and 2) forgive myself for comparing rather than identifying. (step 10). And I pray a lot ... for willingness to see things differently, assuming however I am seeing them now is filtered through my will, my bias, my distortions, and may have little or no relationship to what is "real." Every law enforcement officer knows that eye witness testimony is the least reliable of all.

I say that "Truth is true, and nothing else is." That means that Truth never changes. The moment any speck of illusion enters, the moment any falsehood creeps in, it ceases being Truth. One drop of ink in a clear glass of water darkens the whole thing. My opinions and POV change all the time, which leads me to the statement that I used to despise: the more I learn, the more I know I know nothing. I look back on stuff I heard and believed in 20 years ago and just have to shake my head. No doubt I'll look back on this moment from 20 years hence, and do the very same thing.

Thus, acceptance really is the answer for me. I share my own experience, strength and hope with others, and in AA I always frame that in context of what is written in the BB. By doing that I prevent myself from promoting the zenbear message rather than the AA message, wandering off the reservation, so to speak. Outside of AA, I have lots of other brilliant ideas<G>, but they really have no place in an AA meeting.

I was taught early on that my recovery required me to examine myself, not others. When I am judging/inventorying others, I'm not in my recovered state of mind. I need to accept others as they are, and forgive myself for perceiving them as anything less than divine, spiritual beings. I try to love my neighbor as myself, because my neighbor IS myself. It is only my ego that wants me to be separate...different: doesn't matter if I'm better or worse, as long as I'm different. Acceptance, identification and forgiveness work for me, and I believe that the 12 Steps of AA, resulting in a spiritual awakening, nurture and reflect those principles. The best definition I've ever heard of ego is "a fearful thought." And the only thing that actually ever separates me from another is that fear. Ego always blames and complains, is ever full of anger and resentment. My job is to share my love, rather than my fears, without exception. As soon as I decide who "deserves" it and who doesn't, I'm playing God.

Which doesn't mean I dance with everyone in AA, because I have no illusions about being able to stop my fearful, defensive ego from having its say and having its way. For me, ego deflation is by degrees. I am able to look past ego and its fear, by welcoming spirit and its love. Although I've learned that struggling is futile (what I resist persists) seeing through "a new pair of glasses is a constant challenge. It is IMO pretty human to seek out those of like mind in our associations. That's where we tend to be most comfortable. So I've no doubt that I am more attracted to those who are "working a program" like mine...in AA. But I strive to get past that, and regardless of how I see another, I still am ONLY responsible for sharing my e, s & h. This comes under the heading of "minding my own business," which is MY spiritual fitness, not yours.

At a meeting last night a fellow went on and on about how important "time" was, and proceded to lecture on how to stay sober. What my ego REALLY wanted to do was put up my hand, announce that as a person with some "time," I thought he was full of bs, and tell others that my own experience would lead me to run away from anyone who was telling me how to "work my program." I refrained from cross talking and being a "bleeding deacon." Spirit tends to be quiet and simply observe without judgment....I aspire to that state of being.

As distorted and biased as it may be, ALL I have to offer is my e,s and hope....and I call that being a loving person. Sharing myself with others....rather than telling them who they should be. I can tell you how I did it, but never how you should do it. If you like what I have, you may ask me how I got it, and I'm always happy to share. Then it's up to you if or whether you choose to use what I've offered. Any judgment on my part is nothing but ego.

At least I'm aware of it. Alcoholism ruined my complacency and forced me to find a different solution to my fears, doubts, insecurities, guilt and shame. Most people never experience that gift of desperation that is so familiar to us in AA. Somewhere in our literature it says "the spiritual life is not a theory, we have to live it." And (AA doesn't say this, but I do)....love always is inclusive, accepting, never demanding, never judging, always open, never closed. Fear (ego) is exactly the opposite. And its voice is very loud and insistent. And it loves to drink<G>.

blessings
zenbear

Mark75

In my experience it is not really harder to see through those "new pair of glasses". It is easier... What a wonderful thing that is, to detach and accept... rather than fight, resent, justify, defend and...... drink. The hard part, for me.... is to remember to do that, to put those glasses back on.... My egocentrism wants me to forget, wants me to be in charge. And as you said zbear, my ego speaks very loudly...

It's not at all complicated. It's a wonderfully simple solution to that which may vex me... to search for God's will, not my own. It's a whole lot easier for me to attend a few AA meetings a week, read and post on SR... than to run like a rat through the maze of my own head and selfish needs.... I just need to be reminded, all the time, of the solution.

Mark

Edit... Hmm, not really on topic, but it was what I was thinking about when I woke up this morning and zbear kind of rang my bell... sorry... I am celebrating at my home group tonight, 2 years, and this thread is on my mind... I want to share this message, that it's not about "don't drink and go to meetings"

24hrsAday

for me it all started with "don't drink and go to meetings" (now it is a little bit more!)

keithj

Mark, for exactly the reasons we've been discussing, it's almost always more attractive to share about 'what this is about' rather than 'this is NOT what this is about'.

I think you know that and do a good job of it, but just a reminder from someone that needs to constantly remind himself.

Mark75

I get it keith, thanx... I appreciate that

Chops

My sponsor is not very verbose, he usually cites a passage in the BB or tells me to read more Tolle. When I went to him about my judgements he told me to go on and keep judging, but to remember that I am only judging God. And when I would reply "come on that guy is.................." he would reply, "no that guy is you."

And he always seems to tell me that God is everything or he is nothing, no in between

tomvlll

Not my experience at all.

I rarely see any shares directed precisely at another person's share in AA unless it's in agreement, and certainly not in a contradictory fashion.

This is why this place is so useful IMO.
I can't tell you how many times posters on here have changed my thinking on something.

DayTrader

I love your sponsor!!! I've got one aa friend locally who thinks like that and will tell me so.......very profound, very Socratic, I usually disagree with them at first then.... a month or so later.... end up calling back and admitting I was WAY wrong and she was dead-nuts right.

Boleo

Just goes to show ya:

All expectations (good or bad) are seeds for resentment.

FightingIrish

I think I love your sponsor as well...