len

this past year i have been doing a lot of detox work and picking up guys from structured living facilities and taking them to meetings.Recently i let a guy go for not being honest with me from the onset.(he was using me just for sign outs,to get his weekend pass.) I explained to him from the very beginning,that i will not waste my time or his if he is not willing to pay attention, to what i have to offer than i must move on.i have talked to other sponsors and they all say the same thing,these people just do not get it.we are on a life and death errand,and they use the fellowship as their own personal transportation,and go thru the motions.and time after time i see the same people in and out.i pray that some day they will wake up before it is too late.

CarolD

I'll join you in praying for each of us to find recovery.
Sadly....I also know many will not. How tragic...

I've long ago quit guessing who will or will not.

Len...good to see you here in our Alcoholism 12 Step Forum

barb dwyer

all we can do ... is all we can do.
Yes it gets to everyone every now and then.

Rest.
Regroup.
Remember.

Boleo

This is true but the life you save may be your own:

"Practical experience shows that nothing will so much insure immunity from drinking as intensive work with other alcoholics. It works when other activities fail."
(page 89)

yeahgr8

My ex's brother checked himself out of rehab, fourth time there, a month or so ago...i was hoping he would get it this time but has already stopped going to meetings...48 year old guy, been in ICU a couple of times in the past few years and docs said last time he should be dead...been in and out of AA for a good few years, of course the few people that could make a difference as a sponsor won't sit down with him because he isn't willing and isn't truthful, i know a couple personally who would if only he would genuinely ask for their help though, what can you do more than pray, hope and be there if it ever happens? I really think my ex might be burying him soon, i really hope not though!

Oh and there is only one rehab in the area that is free, and they have a rule that you can only go 4 times then you have towait 5 years to go again?! So maybe he might have to get it this time...i dunno!

Ceres

I've been asked to sponsor girls in a nearby facility. Same story. However, it doesn't bother me in the least. The important thing was me doing the right thing by being there. Being available. Being able to give it away to someone who wants it is a treasured gift. Those who don't get it are still blind, they are simply too sick to see - Yet. Just remember that it may not be today or next year - However, one day they might get sober and think of the one thing you said to them that meant nothing at the time but for some reason burned into their memory.

shaun00

cool.

not honest?? a drunk....go figure.

....

god gave you the ability to stay sober......maybe its not just his humilty you need to look at.?

of course they dont..did you first off?.........i didnt but someone hang around long enough to tell me the solution.

wouldnt it be great if every drunk sucked up the solution first time out and ran with it......
as a sponsor and from my own experience they dont.

working with guys wet or straight out of detox is hard sometimes...they have no solution ......they are at sea without a life raft.

god has given you the abilty to be that life raft.....through thick and thin.
they are gravely sick....with all that entails.

Mark75

As someone who was in a longer term rehab (2-3 month program)...

Part of our program after the first month was to find a temporary sponsor. Also, to progress in the program, we were required to find a ride to AA meetings in the community, and of course, go. (by asking AA's who came with groups that brought meetings into the treatment center)

It wasn't easy and it wasn't meant to be... reaching out, asking for help, humility...

I only hope I get the chance to "pay it forward" to others early in recovery.

Mark

len

thanks to all who responded,lots of great input,i just started with another 2 guys,and we will see what happens,i will never give up trying though,that is not an option for someone like me.

Sugah

There's a women's half-way house nearby where I got sober. The bus would bring them into meetings, all done up, perfumed, many of them enjoying the company of men before and after the meeting. I heard comments: "This is just a night on the town for them," and, "AA ain't a singles bar." If the chair was choosing people to speak that night, seldom were the women chosen. If it was a smallish meeting and the sharing proceeded around the room, some folks would get up and move about or even walk out of the meeting as their table shared.

Thing is, we can't see into the heart of another person. I'm learning more and more, perhaps from work with a couple of habitual relapsers, that it's not my place to judge why someone is at a meeting or how much of anything she or he is hearing. If these guys are actually going to the meeting and it's the antics before and after that's an issue, it seems fairly simple to me. "I'll give you a ride to a meeting and I'll take you back after -- but the bus leaves at this time, and you'd better be on it."

No matter how serious I think someone is, if I get a call for a ride to a meeting and it's in my power to give it, I can't say no in good conscience.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

keithj

If there is one thing I've learned in working with others, it's that I can not predict at all who is going to be willing or catch a spark for recovery. I can not sit back and try to guess who is serious and who is not.

My only job is to lay out the solution and the truth of my experience in an undiluted form. Very matter of fact, here is what I did, here is what others have done, here is what we offer.

I've given a lot of rides to a lot of people who I didn't think were serious. I've been very wrong about them on occasion.

I had to actually experience the situation described in Chapter 7 to form some guidelines. When my time spent as a taxi service is taking away from someone willing to do the work, then I've got to focus on those able to accept spiritual help. I've found myself getting wrapped up in 'saving' someone who is not able to accept my help at this time. In doing so, I was literally neglecting someone else who was willing and able. The directions for this are clearly spelled out for us.

I try to lay the solution for anyone able to accept it. After that, it's a take it or leave it thing. That sounds harsh, but it tends to be more effective than nudging and prodding someone who can't accept the help.