LegalLady

Is it necessary to have One Sponsor. I mean I have plenty of people that I connect with. Been through the steps better with them than any of the three sponsors I had and the one I have. I can't get in touch with my sponsor half the time when I need her. . To me I thought a sponsor just got you through the steps, other than that, I have plenty of people in the program, men and women who have helped me with the 12 and 12 the big book and a series of personal problems. I don't even see anywhere in the big book where it says you have to have a "sponsor." Just one alcoholic working with another. I always feel so guilty about this sponsor thing. I don't need anyone trying to find out if I'm "willing", if I wanted a power trip, I'd have my family do it. So, is it okay to have more than one. Everyone keeps saying that you have to have a sponsor you have to have a sponsor. Would you think I was weird if I told you all that I have about 4 sponsors and I even consider this Forum a sponsor. So, what's the big deal on "one" I can't put all my trust in that person, cause sure as sh#t a person will let me down. And I'll get ticked off big time. I put my trust in my HP and have many people. Why do I feel so guilty about that. I've been really focusing on the Big Book lately. I don't think they stressed over some of these "unwritten" rules. They don't even use the word sponsor. They kept it simple. One alcoholic talking to another, unless I'm wrong, please correct me. Sigh. I had one sponsor tell me when I was doing a "sex" inventory. I'm married, I never did that. Fired. I mean how do you know. I did that with someone in the program I trusted. So, if one doesn't work for me and a couple do, does that mean I'm not working the program???? Thanks Sponsors!

onlythetruth

I am not an AA member, but one of my AA friends, who has been sober longer than I have (12 years or so) has never had a sponsor. She has a group of AA women with whom she is close and with whom she shares when necessary. I believe that one of the AA slogans is that there are no "musts"...therefore I assume that there are no "musts" about sponsorship. I suggest you do what works for you.

OTT

Astro

I've got a bag of popcorn in the microwave, getting ready for the replies to this one

Lol. Just kiddin'

Here's my short, simple-minded thought......

If what you're doing works then keep doing it, and if it stops working I hope you'll have the awareness and make a change regarding your view of sponsorship. That's pretty much the way I look at my program of recovery. What's in the Big Book and AA literature are suggestions, how you use and interpret them is between you, God, and your sponsors.

What I personally feel is very important is availing yourself of what your sponsors have to offer, calling them, listening to suggestions, and applying them to your life. I'm not very good at doing that myself

For the past 4 years I've pretty much survived on self-sponsorship unless I was in a crisis, then I'd pick up a phone. That never did work all that well. Well, I'm in a crisis now regarding my career and I've been faithfully picking up the phone every day and calling two AA sponsors and a Celebrate Recovery sponsor.

It's working for me, so I'll keep doing it.

Ananda

When I came to AA in 85 in the midwest, you were considered crazy if you didn't have two sponsors....where i am at today...your crazy if you have more than one....

The oldtimers in my group share that when they came to AA 30 years ago and our group was 30 years old at that time....no one talked about sponsorship at all....it was just a bunch of alchoholics doing the program and supporting each other along the way...readin the bb and sharing expereince strength and hope...

Definition of a sponsor's role, who is approprirete, how they are used or not used...if they are needed at all seems to vary all over the place.

I am simply making the choice that I can today to the best of my ability about sponsorship....figure my ideas and beliefs will change but hoping the steps don't

WakeUp

I've been notorius for not trusting the AA sponsorship program. I've been through two, then decided to do the steps myself.
FINALLY, I found a great sponsor. I'm sooo lucky. I'm not letting this one get away that easy!

I sound like a broken record, but don't just find a sponsor, find the right sponsor.

intention

What Steps are you working?

CarolD

To know about sponsorship......most meeting have the
official AA guideline on the free literature rack

"Questions and Answers on Sponsorship"

In my early recovery days..'89 ...in D.C.
the custom was then......
many people had 2 formal sponsors.
One for Step work....the other for Spirituality

When 2 women turned me down....I was devestated.
I then decided to use various members
rather than be rejected anymore. Worked out great.

Later I found out those 2 only sponsored Lesbians.
How would I have known that?

I relocated twice since then....never had a formal
sponsor. I've stayed connected to God and Aa
have a strong circle of AA friends....

My suggestion LL..... continue to do what you
are successffully doing.

LegalLady

I agree with the finding the right sponsor thing. But they push it sooooo much. You don't have a sponsor. You need one. My first sponsor came from a lady who said. Do you have a sponsor I said no. She grabbed another lady and said this is so and so, she's your sponsor and that was that. I ended up firing her too. She was never around. Never told me to do anything. There is a lot of pressure in the program to find a sponsor and how important they are but they stress so much on just "getting one" that they don't seem to, I don't know, remember maybe how it was in the beginning to find one that is good. I think they are all good in some way, its just that sometimes its time for them to go. Like when they are too busy or when they tell your stuff to others or certain things like that. It doesn't always turn out so picture perfect for everyone. Especially now a days. People are weird in and out of this program and as time and modern technology and the quick fix in everything goes on I think people, including me, get even more weird. So you just have to be careful. There was a guy who has 23 years sober and in my first 30 days was super nice to me. I thought he was cool and really nice and wanted to help in my sobriety and with his years I thought he would follow the unwritten rules. Withing my 60 days when I was crying and all upset he asked if he could come over and make love to me. Well, 23 years of sobriety. They say some are sicker than others. I figured he knew to stay away from the "newbie" How can you just grab someone until you find out who they are, you know what I mean. And the women are just as goofy. Trust is not easy. Personally I learned more in a 14 week Big Book Study that was awesome with hand out sheets. Had you highlight your big book in different colors so that you would be able to help with any problems you had or a sponsee. It was great, done by a member in the program and they had you read along through the book with a tape. Best thing I ever did. More than any sponsor ever did going throught the Big Book. Maybe women don't get into the book more I dont know but that Big Book study saved my Butt.

LegalLady

I finished the steps. I've been so worried about sponsoring myself. I posted a thread about it a while ago cause my sponsor told me to start doing it. Heck, she's hardly there for me. And I don't want to be a sponsor like that and I hear people sponsor like how their sponsor did it. I learned a lot of my stuff from the three main people I talk with. I did a fifth step with my "sponsor" and the rest of the steps I would talk to others about, do them with them. and then tell my sponsor oh, I made an amends or oh I did this. She never went over that stuff with me. But she would tell me how good I was doing. I just would get the information from others the Big Book Study, and thes other people I talk to. So I feel like I didn't do the program right. I heard one lady say she figured she better read the big book when someone asked her to sponsor. See I dont' want to be like that. I don't want to feel like I better get on the ball cause someone needs my help. In fact I heard several people say that. I'm babbling. Sorry. I just have been to three funerals in the past three week (overdose, family member and friend) Finally made an amends to my Mother that I put off and couldn't talk with anyone about it cause "she was too busy. Called her everyday about the funerals but too busy. So, I went to others and here I am telling you all that sponsorship is just stressed so much. Why can't it just be what it says. One alcoholic talking to another. They had to label it and make it official. I went to a meeting last Saturday and the guy said, the two most important things in this program are a home group and sponsorship. I thought it was knowing there was a power greater than myself. Lately I'm feeling really stupid.

Pagekeeper

I don't have an opinion on whether or not you should have one sponsor. I only have my experience, which is that I have a sponsor--the same one since I started. My sponsor does not keep me sober. What my sponsor has done is taken me through the book and the steps and she continues to guide me by sharing her experience.

She is probably the only person in this whole world who knows everything about me, and I mean every twist and turn. I think that is important--that there is someone who knows the whole story of just who I am, past and present, because I was always the actor. I was always this way in front of you and that way in front of someone else. I didn't want anyone to really know me; having someone in my life who really knows me helps me practice rigorous honesty.

My sponsor continues to help me with the steps. Her insight into my behavior deepens my understanding of the steps and helps me learn how to practice the principles in all of my affairs--not just here on SR or in AA meetings.

CarolD

When I moved here I was 9 years sober....
was not asking about a spponsor.

After my 2nd meeting....a woman grabbed my elbow
"I'm going to be your Georgia sponsor"

I smiled ..."Thanks for offering I'll let you know if
I am interested"

I figure she passed the word....cause no one else has
discussed my lack of sponsor in the past 11 years.

intention

Hi LL,

The only person who can answer the question as to whether you are working the program is you. To answer the question it is irrelevant if you have one sponsor, two or 10, or even sponsor yourself.

As you are working all 12 Steps the only way you can determine if you are working the program and if the program is working is whether you have had a spirtitual experience as a result of these steps.

There are plenty of promises in the book which are realised when we work the steps - Pg83-84 is a good place to look. This is how we feel when we are working the program. Is this how you are feeling?

From reading your posts here I see a lot of resentment running through them.....would that be right?

Boleo

I have had had great sponsors and got drunk.

I have had terrible sponsors and stayed sober.

I have come to understand that the most important thing was "My willingness"
to submit to a power outside of myself. That requires some person, group or cause that is "not me".

barb dwyer

It's important to me to have a sponsor bwecause
i'm one of those alcoholics
who never followed all the requirements
for anything.

I have always skinched, sneaked, and downright cheated
even unto pretending I had done all that was required
for the status I sought.

THis itme,
for me in AA -
there was a set criteria
and I have met all of them.

And it has made all the difference.

I am a loner by nature.
But every job I've ever had
has been quite public
almost to the point of performance art.

I don't take direction well
and I don't conform.

So if nothing changes-
nothing changes.
I have had two great sponsors
and utilize the wisdom of others
as I need their advice.

I call them 'stepsponsors'

endzoner

Hi LL ... I take what I need and leave the rest , there are no rules in AA only requirment is the desire to stay sober , and as many say , what mite work for me mite not work for you .
I myself have never had a sponcer , I have teachers ones I trust , ones that I can confide in or call when there mite be a situation or just a bad day . Im female , there male ... Many woman find it hard to get along with the same sex . Im one of them . Its taboo to do so .. but there are no rules , And it has worked for me , Im workin on my 7th yr. Would I recommend what Im doing . NO i wouldnt cuz its not for anyone to decide what you should or shouldnt do , But like what everyone said here . Its a matter of whats workin for you at this present time , Perhaps later on down the road you mite change something tweek it differantly . Ive yet to do all the steps maybe one day I will maybe I wont . but today Im sober im not struggling im happy in my own program of recovery . I hope you find what works best for LL. ~ huggles Endzy ~

pinetree

When I got sober, I was told to have one sponsor. The thinkng at the time was that that I might try to play one against the other. For instance, if I didn't like the answer I got from one I would go to the other. It seems like there are alot of varied experiences and approaches in response to this post.
I don't necessarily advocate one approach of the other. I have found that over the years I have developed many close friendships and share with all of them. I have a sponsor too. I don't always tell my sponsor everything. She has some strong feelings about things that I don't always agree with. But I have learned to accept her as she is and not look to her for everything. I would suggest if you are new to latch on to someone or a group for support and guidance.

CStyle

LL there is great saying around the rooms, you may have seen it on the wall at your local meeting - it says "Utilize don't analyze"

I also want to speak on your first sentence " I finished the steps." Part of the goal of this program is to continue to work the steps in all of our affairs. They are not something that you finish. There is no diploma or certificate. It is an ongoing thing, and hopefully at the very minimum I am working the 10th 11th and 12th step on a daily basis.

As far as multiple sponsors....I think I have been in that position many times. I would say at times I had multiple sponsors and multiple home groups. Some are sicker than others. I have had step sponsors, service sponsors, spiritual sponsors. I have found that it is beneficial for me to have a current sponsor that has heard my current 5th step. Today I have 1 sponsor, but I still have the wonderful relationships with past sponsors, and I have my spiritual advisers and I have many friends in the program that I talk to for advice and counsel as well.