freya

Monday, February 22, 2010

(You are reading from the book Twenty Four Hours a Day.)

A.A. Thought for the Day

Now we can take an inventory of the good things that have come to us through A.A. To begin with, we're sober today. That's the biggest asset on any alcoholic's books. Sobriety to us is like goodwill in business. Everything else depends on that. Most of us have jobs, which we owe to our sobriety. We know we couldn't hold these jobs if we were drinking, so our jobs depend on our sobriety. Most of us have wives or husbands and children, which we either had lost or might have lost, if we hadn't stopped drinking. We have friends in A.A., real friends who are always ready to help us. Do I realize that my job, my family, and my real friends are dependent upon my sobriety?

Meditation for the Day

I must trust God to the best of my ability. This lesson has to be learned. My doubts and fears continually drive me back into the wilderness. Doubts lead me astray, because I am not trusting God. I must trust God's love. It will never fail me, but I must learn not to fail it by my doubts and fears. We all have much to learn in turning out fear by faith. All our doubts arrest God's work through us. I must not doubt. I must believe in God and continually work at strengthening my faith.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live the way God wants me to live. I pray that I may get into that stream of goodness in the world.

(From Twenty Four Hours a Day © 1975 by Hazelden Foundation, PO Box 176, Center City, MN 55012)

Mark75

Thanx for posting these 24 hour a day readings Freya.

When I read stuff like that, I recoil from it as if it were a hot flame ... Is it just me, that I get from that reading that my non AA friends are not real, or that they are not ready to help? Do others get that kind of subliminal message?

As much as I see the value in reminding ourselves of the importance of sobriety and that it's a foundation on which everything else is built.... when Hazleden throws in line like that, and they do it all the time... It pisses me off... I think they are trying to make, or keep, me sick.

Sorry, It's Monday, I'm cranky.

Mark

Mark75

This is what I mean... However, I want to (try) take your lead and keep it lighthearted. Hmm, I guess I have a resentment here! Why does he use "we"? Speak for yourself buddy! I don't have many close friends, but the ones I have are every bit as honest and true as those new friends I have made in AA. And I have made friends in AA.

Everyone comes to this with their own experience. For some, I am sure that this resonates, but not for all. I don't like readings like this... it does start to give fodder to those who would say AA is cult-like.

So much for keeping it light hearted... sorry!

Mark

Slag

When I trust I feel equanimity; when I doubt I feel darkness. My journey has truly been a blessed one. Even knowing that sometimes the best of my ability means having doubts and fears. Thankfully I have those who care for me and those I care about in life and in AA.

intention

Hi Mark,



I came into the fellowship with no real friends (other than one I saw 2 or 3 times a year and another one from a fellowship)

I know people to say hello to, I may have their numbers but I don't socialise with them. I've tried to but had rejections along the way and it gets exhausting getting knocked back. I've been in situations with other mums that I know and they are are talking about a night out they have had and I am standing there listening to them knowing that I was never invited. It's been unpleasant.

I am a fairly sociable and confident person so I have tried to include myself in the groups before. I have even gone out of my way making arrangements for everyone to go out and organising with booking tables, transport, only to find that the next night out, I have never been included. No, it was not because of my drinking. My drinking was something that happened in private. And that is without mentioning my search to find a partner - internet sites, dating agencies (a lot of money), blind dates - I have been single for 5 longgggg years.

My life has been very lonely and I have cried a lot about this......usually into a large glass of wine. I longed for a long time for someone to just ask me to go out for a drink, have a coffee or go to a cinema. There has been many a time I have cried to my fellowship friend and asked her what is wrong with me - was I that horrible or ugly that no-one wanted to be round me. She would say no, that I was a good person, kind, caring, beautiful. So I would wail back at her why, why, why am I always on my own then. Even she gave up trying to answer that in the end.

I actually now believe that all this rejection (however painful) has been God's protection of me. I was never meant to be close to these people. They are very spiritually draining for me. The relief that I don't have to try to make friends any more is immense.

When I walked into AA, people wanted to be my friend. People talk to me like they are genuinely interested in me and they are not just talking to me while they are looking out over my shoulder for someone better to talk to. Last week someone suggested we meet up before a meeting. We went for a coffee and we are doing it again this week. I have also invited someone else as well. This might sound really trivial to some people but this is a big thing for me. It's nice, I like it. It's a real friend, not someone I know that the next time I ask to meet up, they will be too busy and then the next time and then the next time.

I have not had to ask anything of my new real AA friends yet but I know that if I ever did need something they would be right there to help me. Having said that I don't feel the need for anything at the moment. My huge void of neediness has been filled with God. My old fellowship friend asked me the other week "would you trade the joy you have now in sobriety for all the friendships you have been trying to make with those other women". Of course, I said No. This is far better.

I know there are lots of people in AA who are just like me (I've spoken to some) and do not have any friends outside of AA, so they will relate to exactly what the quotation meant. I would guess the person who wrote the quote probably came into AA with no real friends at all either. I can understand why you read the quote the way you did in your situation but I don't believe there was any negative intent by the author.

Mark75

Thanx for your perspective... I needed that. Sometimes I get so self centered... Gee, go figure, an alkie who's self centered, never heard of such a thing... LOL



Mark

intention

Self-centred ?? see my above post. It reads self, self, self, self with a whole load of self-pity thrown in as well.

Thank God it is not like that most of the time now.

freya

I think perhaps it depends on how one defines "friends" and what one wants and expects to be able to get and to be responsible for giving in one's friendships. Also, one's life experience, emotional maturity, and mental health/stability prior to one's developing whatever "illness" it was that brought one into recovery in the first place is most likely a factor here, too.

In my experience with a lot of the people I know well and work closely with in recovery, many of them -- not 100%, but definitely the vast majority -- come into recovery not even knowing who they are and having grown up in situations in which self-awareness, self-esteem, honestly, and true, deep communication, not only didn't happen, but were explicitly and implicitly discouraged and/or even punished.

My personal opinion is that a person coming from that place who has not done an extensive amount of recovery/healing work is incapable of being a true friend -- or of truly and responsibly "living" his/her half of any kind of relationship that by it's very nature requires real honesty and intimacy....which would include "friendships" as I define them and seek to fully participate in them in my own life.

freya

Molendie

I think it goes back to the whole "people, places, and things" situation. Whether they're using friends or real friends, you gotta be ready to change everything and anything when you get sober.

I have a lot of friends that are truly real friends but at the same time, they were using friends as well. When I got sober I distanced myself from them for a long time. I remember one time shortly after I got out of rehab, they came to the door and I literally hid on the floor under the window with the lights off and tears in my eyes until they left. That broke my heart but I had to do what I had to do to stay sober.

Yes, they are my friends, I'll love them forever, and I would do anything for them but I couldn't trust myself around them when I first got sober! Their company was a trigger and still is whether they were using or not. Now that I've been sober some years, I will hang out with them sometimes but never when they're using. We're all busy doing our own things now anyways. God doing for me right?

I love that this reading talks about how everything relies on sobriety. God I have to remember that everyday. If I go back out, everything I've worked for will fall like dominos!!!