A question for the "double winners"
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Southern Colorado
Posts: 1,167
I'm not well experienced or versed on coda issues but I once read a book by Melody Beattie.
Why on God's green earth would someone willingly move in with an active alcoholic and/or deadbeat?
I'd rather move in to a place by myself than with a roommate who didn't pull his own weight/go to his job.
Like I say, I'm no Coda expert... but if I was, I'd refer to the "It's a selfish program" chapter.
It's a spiritual law; I cannot care for you if you do not care for yourself. I can play-care or I can... be "codependent", but that's a whole other can of worms than what belongs in this here subforum.
But it's also a spiritual law that if you do care about yourself, I have to care. Caring for someone doesn't mean enabling them to be a bum and not pull their weight. You ask if there exists an adult who isn't a mess? Well if you're going to have a roommate, I would insist on it.
Why on God's green earth would someone willingly move in with an active alcoholic and/or deadbeat?
I'd rather move in to a place by myself than with a roommate who didn't pull his own weight/go to his job.
Like I say, I'm no Coda expert... but if I was, I'd refer to the "It's a selfish program" chapter.
It's a spiritual law; I cannot care for you if you do not care for yourself. I can play-care or I can... be "codependent", but that's a whole other can of worms than what belongs in this here subforum.
But it's also a spiritual law that if you do care about yourself, I have to care. Caring for someone doesn't mean enabling them to be a bum and not pull their weight. You ask if there exists an adult who isn't a mess? Well if you're going to have a roommate, I would insist on it.
mergirl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
I cant insist on something I have never seen! When I moved in, my room mate was testing the sobriety waters (he made it 3 months before he decided there was still more fun to be had). He is highly skilled and makes great money, but his life is becoming more unmanageable, and a slow economy is bad for his trade. When I moved in, I was actually the charity case. I only had part time work, and he allowed me to move in for reduced rent if I would do all the cooking and cleaning.
Anyway, I gave him my 60 day notice today, and he thanked me and said he had been thinking it was time to rent this room out for a bit more money.
"It's a spiritual law; I cannot care for you if you do not care for yourself. I can play-care or I can... be "codependent", but that's a whole other can of worms than what belongs in this here subforum. But it's also a spiritual law that if you do care about yourself, I have to care"
I absolutely do not understand what that means, but if it belongs in a sub forum I suppose you can re-post there, or pm me. Its entirely possible that I just dont understand because Im very tired.
And freya, I am being honest when I say I really dont know anyone who wouldn't benefit from a lot of the recovery practices and principles. I am not sure if that is because of human nature, or if it is just because of the path I took. Since it has been pointed out to me that I am indeed abnormal, I have been on the look out for someone who qualifies as normal, but I haven't spotted anyone yet.
Anyway, I gave him my 60 day notice today, and he thanked me and said he had been thinking it was time to rent this room out for a bit more money.
"It's a spiritual law; I cannot care for you if you do not care for yourself. I can play-care or I can... be "codependent", but that's a whole other can of worms than what belongs in this here subforum. But it's also a spiritual law that if you do care about yourself, I have to care"
I absolutely do not understand what that means, but if it belongs in a sub forum I suppose you can re-post there, or pm me. Its entirely possible that I just dont understand because Im very tired.
And freya, I am being honest when I say I really dont know anyone who wouldn't benefit from a lot of the recovery practices and principles. I am not sure if that is because of human nature, or if it is just because of the path I took. Since it has been pointed out to me that I am indeed abnormal, I have been on the look out for someone who qualifies as normal, but I haven't spotted anyone yet.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
