Cathy31

LOL, I guess if I talked more to my sponsor I could ask her this question, and perhaps I will!

Just wondering...I am just over 3.5 years sober. I have gone through all the 12 steps, I work 10 (not on a daily basis, although I'd like to) and I intend working harder on my meditation. I have no desire to drink, I love my life, I do service, I love my meetings, I have a feeling of peace and wellbeing a lot of the time and the blessing God has given to me are far MORE and BETTER than I could have ever imagined/dreamed of.

I have many friends with great sobriety and I go to them for advice (less now)

I didn't have a sponsor for about 6 months last year, got another one (wonderful woman) but we hardly see one another (when we do it's great she is very wise, helped me with some outstanding step 9 issues) I don't sponsor anyone myself right now.

She is there for me and I guess my question is : am I wrong not to utilise her FULLY - i.e. make an effort to connect and see her weekly. I think I have the answer to the question and what I need to do. I think I need to make a point of meeting with her once/twice a month in person and also TALK to her when I do have problems. I guess it will help her get to know me better and also as I read in my reading this am help to keep me humble by honestly SHARING with someone else.

I suppose writing this I realise that even though I have some wonderful friends in recovery who I CAN go to for advice - I don't. So I guess I am keepnig a lot of myself to myself. I'm very tied up in my relationship (he is also in recovery) and devote a lot of time to nurturing that.

This post has helped me to see what I need to do next! What are others opininons on 'sponsorship' once you've gone through all the steps?

For me, I FEEL good, but writing this I think has shown that meeting my sponsor once/twice a month could add even more value.

Interested in hearing others' thoughts!

Cathy31
x

navysteve

I find a sponsor to be helpful still ( 15 days away from 20 years). Continued study of the 12 steps is important to me and having someone to bounce things off is essential. I have also found that taking a yearly housecleaning ( because I don't do a daily 10-11-12 either) is helpful to keep me on track. And regardless of what anyone ( myself included) time does have its value in terms of experience. I am in the process of making amends to my ex wife ( I said my apologies years ago but she wanted no further contact). Now with the living amends I am undergoing, my phone contact with my sponsor has increased

tricky164

for me, i must be actively sponsored and actively sponsor others. only then do i truly get whats on offer here.

happy joyous and free, a life beyond my wildest dreams,

god bless.

McGowdog

Necessity of Sponsor after doing the steps?

Good question.

Answer for me; none. Be free of sponsorship. Go on and sponsor others if it's your calling, get them through the 12 Steps and turn em' loose to be free of sponsorship too and to go on and sponsor if it's their calling.

Don't ever ever rely on another human being for sobriety or to make your decisions for you... IMO.

I would never want to be a life-long burden to a sponsor. Who would ever want to take on that responsibility? Here's the deal for me; if there was such a thing as a sponsor for me, it's God and that A.A. book. They never ever let me down and they don't mind if I call them during dinner or at 3 in the morning.

Bob23

For me, a sponsor remains a valuable commodity, even after years of continued sobriety. I still have inside me a know it all attitude that needs to be put in its place every once in a while. My sponsor knows me better than most people, having been there from the start. When I start talking bullsh!t, he calls me on it. This alcoholic needs that.

McGowdog

I think we all talk BS from time to time, even sponsors. I have yet to see anybody cornering that market.

How do you tell if an alcoholic is lying? His lips are moving.

My recent experience: I was leaving the store yesterday and saw a guy from a meeting I stopped going to. I told him why I was not going to that meeting anymore and that I've found another meeting across town. I mentioned I'd got into a fight with one of the meetings main guys... a guy who has been sober in the group for 28 years. He told me that guy fights with everybody. But that he's been really angry with A.A. lately. Then he told me what he does before every meeting before he goes in... to stay away from these problems.

We talked for a bit.. and whether he knows it or not... he was sort of my sponsor for those 10 minutes we talked. I've got a bunch of sponsors who don't even know it. I'd hope others could one day use my help in this anonymous way too.

No need to carve each others' names in our skin or anything.

Rob B

My sentiments exactly.

Charmie

thanks for your posts mcgowdog (still having tech probs,,wont let me push the thanks button)

tricky164

part of my illness centres in my mind, so what i think is going on, aint really going on.

i have a sponsor, my sponsor has a sponsor, my sponsors sponsor has a sponsor and so on, nobody in my line sponsors themself, and it goes up to 47yrs.

although i dont rely on my sponsor for my sobriety, it is good to constantly learn from him.

may our god keep us safe

crisco

I almost got a year. For me, a sponsor is a good guy to bounce stuff on. I talk to my sponsor daily.

I got a new sponsor because my sponsor was too busy to work with me. I wanted to work the steps a second time and he did not have time. I still call him to time and time to get advice on the program and living life on life terms

navysteve

I agree with that but it seems like you are saying if you have a long term sponsor you are a life-long burden?

Life Long Burden????

Helping others is a life long burden?

Wow...

My sponsor is celebrating alot of time today (October 1, 2009) People in my area put him on a pedestal. I have known him for years and the fact that a few of us keep him right sized has earned us his gratitude.

I have no problem not being controlling toa new person that I sponsor, none of the men I sponsor feel like a burden. None of them "check in" with me. We talk program, work program, live program. Alot of you are involved with things like Steel on Steel. Guess what, you are making a human connection with someone in the program and working towards spiritual growth.

What is the difference?

Music

I've had a sponsor since day one. I can't imagine not having a sponsor. A sponsor isn't a therapist or professional counselor. Sponsors are drunks just like me, the difference is they've got more experience in AA, at least in most cases. My sponsor today has less time than I do but I like the program he works and he's more of a friend and confidant than anything else.

When I read the title to this thread, I asked myself "why would anyone not want to keep the sponsor they worked the steps with?" I can see under certain conditions maybe changing sponsor as I have, but to not have a sponsor at all just isn't in my playbook.

McGowdog

I do that too ... sort of. I have a sponsorship lineage. The guy who took me through the steps worked close to Frank... who is in my signature below. So... my "grandsponsor"... if you will, is a guy who said his sponsor denied that he agreed to be his sponsor.

I could understand a guy denying to be my sponsor. I burned through more sponsors than Michael Vick. Know what I mean? I've been a chronic slipper and when you go out and drink... many will say find someone else to sponsor you. So... I kind of found a guy who never "hired" me and he's never had to "fire" me.

If you're new and in your first time through the work... the steps, get a sponsor. Nothing wrong with that. But after you've done a set of steps with them, I think you're done with that. Be their friend if you like. Nothing wrong with that. But after that, I just don't see it.

Charmie

i have kept my sponsor,im just a couple of months through doping the steps with her.she has a few years,and a lady has asked me to take her through the steps,i would not consider doing this without help,,it is too important.there is also a couple of great folk here that i ask for help from.i think thats what we call fellowship is it not? a load of drunks helping each other?

Tommyh

I find after 21 years sober a sponsor is still a good idea.They come in very handy,especially in service work.Hope I am never delusional enough to think I have such a magic bond with God I don`t need another human being from time to time to talk with.
Service sponsors come in good sharing experience with their years of service.

one of

Thank God, there are no rules to being an AA member. There are lots of thinkers in AA who have never been all that good at "doing." There are lots of doers in AA who have never been all that good at thinking. My opinion, from reading about Dr. Bob and Bill W., is that Doctor Bob was more of a doer and Bill was more of a thinker. Obviously that combination worked well.

Doers are the ones who say, "I couldn't think my way into a new way of acting, I had to act my way into a new way of thinking. (And you also might hear the oldtimers among them say, "Don't Think!!!") The thinker might say, "I've always been lazy and therefore pretty much unloved and down on myself for not being able to be industrious; AA and Bill's experience gave me the opportunity to make my Higher Power (HP) perfect in the areas of love, truth, wisdom, and understanding, and thus my HP could understand why I couldn't be a doer and loved me perfectly anyway." Since the reality of that HP seems actually more reasonable a HP than traditional concepts of God that ask one to measure up in order to feel safe and loved, the program has worked well for the thinker as well. Those who are various combinations of doers and thinkers (the majority, of course) might well say, "the only thing I need to know about God is that there is one and I'm not Him," and then go about the business of working the program as it is laid out.

The doers need sponsors! Give a doer good orderly direction, she/he does what he/she's told, and begins to feel good about what's happening inside himself/herself and so continues to "trust God, clean house, and help others." As a result, the good feelings she/he is feeling as a result of being of use to others, causes him/her to need to be less concerned over getting her/his way as the only way for him/her to be happy, and she/he thus is allowing himself/herself to be led by what she/he is doing away from egoism (with its nil capacity for loving others) and towards humility (with its infinite capacity for loving others). [Doesn't trying to be politically correct sometimes lead to ridiculousness?] :ghug3

The thinkers, while needing someone they can trust to listen to their step 4, can otherwise understand precisely what is being asked of them from the literature and listening at meetings, and if they can be honest, open-minded, and willing, can build a program reasonable to themselves which will allow them to be moved by the daily internalizing of humbling truths (which keep them in consonance with their new logic base of step 3's decision) away from the need for an ego-defense system and thus also from the loneliness and ego-neediness associated with egocentricity to the communal spirit and capacity to love which is humility.

The majority of AA members, those combinations of thinkers/doers may or may not need a sponsor and will often gravitate for community to others whose sharing at meetings sounds on track with their own thinking about the program. Whether or not the term sponsor or the term friend is used, makes little difference to these.

Of course, this may all be useless information and Bovine Scatology. (I actually just needed to write something tonight) I'm a great believer in the significance of the words written by Bill W.: "We realize we know only a little. . ." (BigBook® page 164) What a nice and honest place to be. Love and Blessings - one of