beingjenagain

Hi all!! Happy Holidays!!

I am 7+ months sober and ready to get serious about my step work. I am in a small intimate Step workshop at a members house and we are on step 6 but I know I need to talk more one on one with a sponser. My temp sponser asked the other day if I was ready to get busy after the holidays. She has been wonderful but I now feel that I have developed a peer relationship with her. I know that she has sponsered others and does a great job. Just don't think she is right for me. I have someone in mind and I am most certain she would say yes.
I don't think my temp sponser would be upset. I think she would completely understand. I am just asking for opinions on how you would go about it? have you needed to change? Has a sponsee told your they wanted a change?
Thanks...as always I love all your input! Jen

Music

Well, there are two ways to go about dealing with your "temp" sponsor. You can make the change and not tell her, or you can sit down with her, tell her what you've stated here and work out the problem together. If the situation was reversed and you were the temp sponsor, which would you rather have happen?

Boleo

I have had many sponsors most of whom I am still in contact with. I simply let them know that I was grateful for all of the help that they had given me but that I needed to find someone who was a "better fit" for me.

When I finally did find a sponsor that "worked out for me" I told the old sponsors that it was because I had become a better listener and was not due to their lack of effort, so as not to hurt their feelings.

BP44

I'm not quite clear on why you feel she won't "fit". The only reason you gave was that you felt you had developed a peer relationship with her, which I frankly don't see as a problem. Now if when you say peer is meaning she and you are at the same point in process in the step work, then by all means, you need someone who has experience in doing the work. One of the criteria I have is that the guy who has that job today needs to be able to carry the entire message to me intact. You stated that you want to get busy with the steps, and it sounds like she's asking if you want to get busy. Maybe I'm missing something.

beingjenagain

I guess I do think we are a bit too close in our step work. Anyway i will let you all know how it works out and thanks for all your insight.

Lily

Jen,

Make sure you find another before you let her go. Then just sit her down, tell her you love her and then just be honest with her!

I actually had a sponsor when I first started, got another and BEFORE I had to tell her it wasn't going to work, she told me that she couldn't be my sponsor! HAHAH Now we are friends and she comes over. :-D

Blessings Jen! Sheila

Tazman53

Jen my first sponsor was a great guy and the initial suggestions he gave me kept me sober for those first 2 months, he was almost always available over the phone, but due to his job he did not have the time to take me through the steps when I needed to really get into them. When I first asked him to be my sponsor he said he would agree to be my temporary sponsor and explained that I/we may not work out for what ever reason, but if I decided I wanted him as my sponsor later that would be fine.

I would be lying if I said I was not nervous when I told him I had found another sponsor, but he was fine with it, he understood where I was at and expressed first his regret that due to his job he did not have the time to take me through the steps at the pace I needed. He told me that the guy I had chosen as my sponsor was a great guy and was a great choice for taking me through the steps. We still see each other and there is not a lick of hard feelings at all, we are good friends.