353

I found something today. I found some reason amidst the madness. Uneasiness had crept into my world, that feeling of separation, like I was drifting away. It’s quite easy to tell when I’m at odds with the world around me; being an alcoholic I have the blessing of an unquestionable red flag. My favorite solution to discomfort is alcohol. When I begin to think a drink doesn’t sound too bad, after all I’ve been through, I know I’ve got something inside that I need to work out, some unresolved issue that won’t let me be at peace.

It was terribly hot this week and after work for a couple of days in a row, my mind began to reminisce about all the great times I’d had with my old friends in my old haunts. Of course I never remember all the bad times or experiences, or where I ended up just a few short years ago. My mind doesn’t work that way. The memories are all warm and fuzzy and if I let them, my memories will trap me into the obsession of a drink.

Luckily I was able to follow the direction of people like me in the program of AA. Those directions include, first and foremost, don’t drink. Second, reach out to other alcoholics and don’t hide from yourself, if you’re struggling, ask for help. I did that last night. I wanted to know why I was thinking about drinking alcohol. After all, I’ve been working the program of AA for a few 24 hours now; I haven’t had the thought of picking up in quite some time. How can I be back where I was? That’s not progress! What’s going on here!!

I found out I’m not alone; thinking of drinking is, for some of us, part of recovery. Alcoholics think about drinking, ground breaking material there I know, but how could I have gotten myself all twisted up to where I’d temporarily forgotten what seemed self evident only weeks ago?

The advice from friends in the meeting last night has me focusing on the problem…ME and focusing on the solution…CHANGING ME.

Back to step four…..thank God!!!

deezaldog

Thanks for your reality check. I had expressed the same situation to an old timer with 32 yrs sober. He said he still gets those thoughts, and it is the action you need to be concerned about. Sounds like you took the right action.

CarolD

Powerful share...Thanks!

Sheryl85

Again, as my friend LeeAnn says, “I can’t stop the birds from flying over my head, but I don’t have to let them make a nest in my hair.” Practicing the principles as outlined in this program keeps those thoughts from taking up residence in my head.

I’m glad you made it through the situation. And if you ask me, I’d say it sure sounded like progress to me. After all we alcoholics are people who normally reach for a drink and not the phone. It's more normal for us to ask for “another” instead of asking for help. You didn’t do that . . . (Y.E.T.) Keep using the tools that are freely given to you by this program and you will be able to help others when they arrive at this same place in their journey.

Keep bringing the body and the mind will follow!

Tommyh

the longer I think about a drink,the more likely I am to take one
thought do come and go,and I try and remember it will pass and it is only a temporary thought unless I hang onto it.If I have onto it,it may turn into a obsession

glad you did not drink...

sugErspun

Hey 353 - thanks for the share.

I can relate - it happens. The nature of this illness is just that.

For me, it's also a good warning sign if I think I got this thing beat- resting on my laurels if you will....the backwards slide is sure to begin. There is no question about it in my experience.

Daily I put myself in God's hands- if the thought of a drink comes, it tends to go. Talking about it, and leaning on my fellows to identify the multitude of subtle fears, resentments, dishonesty and selfishness pile up before I know it. Thank God we have tools to apply - or else I wouldn't stand a chance.

Tazman53

Great share 353, great replies as well.

353 if you are like me then you have to see that you are progressing, you used the tools at hand when you saw that you needed them! There was a day in my not to distant past when I had no tools that I knew how to use, they were there all along, but I did not know how to use them.

As you did I do as well, I am progressing as long as I am practicing using the tools I have been taught to use.

I have been told there is a difference between an alcoholic (in AA) and a drunk (in AA). An alcoholic goes to meetings!!! A drunk (in AA) may pick up a drink before a meeting or after a meeting, but I have never heard of an alcoholic (in AA) picking up that first drink in a meeting.

Progress, not perfection!!! If one is progressing they will be actively working steps 10 thru 12, they will pick up the tool box they have and use it, if there is no progression..........................

As long as I am doing as you did I am progressing, I see that I am not perfect, that I am struggling and I take up my tool box and I take all actions needed to not drink, there was a day when I was stuck in a rut where the only answer to any uncomfortable situation was a drink, actively working steps 10 thru 12 keep me out of that rut.

Signal30

The longer your in the program, if you put in the work, you will be amazed at the progress. It takes time, but if you put 100% into the program, you can feel relief quickly.

We stay a strong fellowship by communicating with each other. When we share our expeirences, strengths, and hopes, for the ones who are suffering, it can give them the relief to take them through to the next day.

We are all works in progress.


Tom

353

Thanks everyone for the reply,

I've been working on inventory with my sponsor and I'm amazed how just putting my junk out there and writing about it, and talking about it, seems to bring back the focus on what's important....my sobriety.

Peace