Signal30

On the Fourth Step Inventory: Sex Conduct. Is it just our sex conduct that we list that was harmful to others or do we list sex and all other conduct we did that harmed others?

I have read the BB on sex conduct over and over and I assume that it is stating that, at that stage, you are just listing the sex conduct that harmed others.

However.


I know that some see it as listing sex and all other conduct that we did that hurt others. I read the section of the BB and this is how I portrayed it.


"We reviewed our own conduct over the years past. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it."

Now that above paragraph in How It Works has paragraphs above and below it all describing sex conduct. So I assume that when inventorying harmful sex conduct, that is all we are inventorying.

But then after the chapter sums up sex it states the following This is the 4th from the last sentence of the chapter...


"We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct, and are willing to straighten out the past if we can."


Now some see this as the chapter suggesting that we inventory all harmful conduct with sex included, when doing the third sex conduct inventory on the Fourth Step.


Some say that those you have harmed, (sex and everything else) you list on your 8th step, with of course making the amends on the 9th. Meaning that the sex conduct inventory is just sex conduct. That the other wrongs involving actions, not just sex, you do on your 8th step.


Others however say that the 4th step sex conduct inventory you list sex and all other harms you have done to others. You keep that inventory and then use it to help you with the list of people we harmed when doing the 8th and 9th step.


I can kinda see how both sides can interpret what they think from what the BB says in this part of the chapter. Me personally, I believe that they are mostly talking about listing the people we have harmed and wronged sexually, and that the other wrongs you can list if you list yourself in the Resentment Inventory, because you dislike yourself for the wrongs you have done to others. And then when doing the 8th step you list the people you have generally harmed, sexually and everything else.


How complicated did I just make all of this???Holy Crap!!! LOL I should remove the "Keep it simple" from my signature below for writing this.

If any of you are brave enough to read, understand, and answer this, I will be grateful.


Tom<<<Not keeping it simple.

jimhere

Tom.
First off, it is not about the sex act itself, but about my conduct in relationships.

What I've done is to take this inventory as a tool to look at my conduct in all my relationships with people instead of dividing up the relationships into special types of relationships. A relationship is how I relate myself to others, so the question is "is it selfish or not?"
Jim

RufusACanal

I never limit myself in inventory. My sexually relationships with myself and others were all a part of the inventory process. For me, it was equally about the act and the conduct, because as a ***** I used the act for my own ends. The Big Book is not perfection, it is a guide form for my return to humanity. If I need to expand the knowledge base of the Big Book to get whole, I do so.

1cor13

Pretty much what has already been said. It’s every thing I felt I did wrong sexually things that I was never going bring into the light of day. Did I have guilt, shame, embarrassment, did I hurt others, and was I selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate. Did my behavior need an overhauling?

I heard a speaker say that when he was young they told him not to play his personal power tool that if he did he would go blind. Once the guy experienced how good it felt he figured he would risk one eye.

I lot of stuff for me was pretty serious but there was a lot of stuff that was questionable. Just like the book says what might be serious for me may not be for you. That’s why I had to really take a good look and put everything down no paper. I am not the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct. After my 5th step I found out I’m not the arbiter of anyone’s conduct.

If there is something that I didnt want to put down I asked God for the strength to do so and then did it.

REZ

I have found it useful to write about sex as it relates to my relationships with myself and others, placing no limits on what I write about. Did I use, harm, or manipulate others (or myself) for sex? What role has sex played in my life? What can be good about sex and what can be bad about it? Sex has been, and continues to be, an important part of my moral inventory.

Signal30

Yeah. I know I tend to make things complicated.

Sorry.


Tom

Tommyh

I did the resentment ,fear,sex and then I did a list of harms done to others.
I had 4 lists.The 4th list covers things not covered by the first 3.
There seems to be a little "grey cloudy" area there not covered by sex,fear,or resentment.


I will gladly post,PM or email you some examples of mine Tom if you wish.I do not have time now as I`m about to shove off to a meeting.

Tommyh

back from the meeting-good meeting by the way
some examples of my 4th list on my 4th step was

unpaid and overdue bills-I drank the bill money up,thereby harming my creditors financially

damage done to property during my lifetime-there was times I just did stupid things resulting in (personal or business) damage to others,others I just did not know personally

as a teenager,I did something one night that injured a innocent man driving down the road-it was not planned to hurt anyone,just a spur of the moment stupid thing.Another man I did not know previously.

when I was digging in the past at this time,I went ahead and dug it all up.Then I used this too on my 8 th step.
Joe and Charlie mentions this 4th list on one of their old tapes,and even on some of their handouts they provide a place for this inventory.