Perfection
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Perfection
We were doing a tradition study tonight on tradition 6. There's a paragraph around pg 156 in the 12 X 12 that eludes to grand ideals and perfectionism amongst us alkies.
I heard the light bulb go off it was so bright. Never really realized it. Always thought I just had a lot of "nervous energy". But yeah, it makes sense. When we get bent out of shape is when we expect everything in our lives to be perfect (including things we can't control) and they don't meet our ideals.
I heard the light bulb go off it was so bright. Never really realized it. Always thought I just had a lot of "nervous energy". But yeah, it makes sense. When we get bent out of shape is when we expect everything in our lives to be perfect (including things we can't control) and they don't meet our ideals.
Last edited by GlassPrisoner; 12-15-2006 at 10:25 PM.
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I found this same idea in Buddist Philosophy. Desire is the root of all suffering.
I find that I get hurt when I try and control the outcomes. I find that I get upset when I envision perfection...because it never seems to work out that way. The higher my expectations are, the harder I fall.
chip
I find that I get hurt when I try and control the outcomes. I find that I get upset when I envision perfection...because it never seems to work out that way. The higher my expectations are, the harder I fall.
chip
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Bingo Chip ! That's exactly what I got out of tonights' meeting.
However, I think that in some cases, perfectionism can be OK. (Alright, let's call a spade a spade, ANAL !
) A project car in the garage or some other hobby, for example.
Just don't project it to other parts of life, and don't take it to extremes (We alkies never take things to extremes, do we ? )
However, I think that in some cases, perfectionism can be OK. (Alright, let's call a spade a spade, ANAL !
) A project car in the garage or some other hobby, for example.Just don't project it to other parts of life, and don't take it to extremes (We alkies never take things to extremes, do we ? )
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I'm with you on the hobby thing. I'm a perfectionist in my home shop. I'm also a perfectionist in my career.
I certainly take things to the extreme. It can be good in some cases, and bad in other cases. Like you said, it's important not to project this into parts of my life where it can be bad. That's where I depend on my HP, AA friends, and my sponsor. I can't see where I go wrong all the time, and I need help to figure out how to act appropriatly.
For me, my instincts are a bit out of wack....and I'm able to admit it. I've got to keep my distorted sense of ambition in check. Otherwise, I'm trying to control other people. That doesn't always turn out well.
One of my main sources of misery is that I create expectations that are beyond possible. I get disappointed when things don't turn out.
Another source of misery is that I "over do" things. A great example is how I respond to confrontation. I'm learning how to take things in stride and not go for the jugular evertime I feel slighted.
Above all, "we seek progress, not perfection". I'm happy to see little changes in my life on the road to recovery.
chip
I certainly take things to the extreme. It can be good in some cases, and bad in other cases. Like you said, it's important not to project this into parts of my life where it can be bad. That's where I depend on my HP, AA friends, and my sponsor. I can't see where I go wrong all the time, and I need help to figure out how to act appropriatly.
For me, my instincts are a bit out of wack....and I'm able to admit it. I've got to keep my distorted sense of ambition in check. Otherwise, I'm trying to control other people. That doesn't always turn out well.
One of my main sources of misery is that I create expectations that are beyond possible. I get disappointed when things don't turn out.
Another source of misery is that I "over do" things. A great example is how I respond to confrontation. I'm learning how to take things in stride and not go for the jugular evertime I feel slighted.
Above all, "we seek progress, not perfection". I'm happy to see little changes in my life on the road to recovery.
chip
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I have found that there is a difference between perfectionism and aiming towards perfection, which is what Bill writes about in the 12 x 12. Most of us, myself included, have settled for less than the best in our spiritual lives. We go for what will just get us by.
We sell ourselves short, or as Nelson Mandela said, we "play small." And there is nothing enlightened about playing small so that others won't be intimidated by our presence. God uses me as I am, and my job is to be the salt of the earth, to be a light and not to hide that light.
Saint Therese of Liseaux, a nineteeth century nun said that perfection is being what God made you to be. So that means that somedays I am perfect and that there are days when I'm not-those days when I'm self-centered, or dishonest, or pretending I'm something I'm not so that people will like me.
The best I will ever be is human, and that's not a bad deal these days.
Jim
We sell ourselves short, or as Nelson Mandela said, we "play small." And there is nothing enlightened about playing small so that others won't be intimidated by our presence. God uses me as I am, and my job is to be the salt of the earth, to be a light and not to hide that light.
Saint Therese of Liseaux, a nineteeth century nun said that perfection is being what God made you to be. So that means that somedays I am perfect and that there are days when I'm not-those days when I'm self-centered, or dishonest, or pretending I'm something I'm not so that people will like me.
The best I will ever be is human, and that's not a bad deal these days.
Jim
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this is also one of those timely topics for me to revisit through the course of my day today.
thanks!!!!
Perfectionism seems to be one of my major character defects that affects not only me but the people in my life and around me. i am not sure exactly how to eliminate this one
thanks!!!!
Perfectionism seems to be one of my major character defects that affects not only me but the people in my life and around me. i am not sure exactly how to eliminate this one
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The only thing looking back on my perfectionist life I ever came close to perfecting was being a drunk! I failed at that even by turning it over to my HP of my choosing whom I call God.
Now I live to strive towards living the 12 steps to the best of my ability day by day.
Now I live to strive towards living the 12 steps to the best of my ability day by day.
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Perfectionism is one of my biggest character defects, too.
It actually sounds like a good thing, on the surface. After all, isn't it an admirable quality to always strive to do the very best?
After much reflection, soul searching, and discussion, I've come to one very simple conclusion as to why perfectionism is so damaging. It's unattainable.
By setting perfection as the only acceptable outcome, I have doomed myself to being a failure in my own eyes. Even at times when I have, to the rest of the world, done very well at something, exceeding all expecations, or even "doing the impossible", I have not achieved perfection and therefore was a failure in my own eyes.
My perfectionism has caused me to see myself as a complete and utter failure at everything I have ever attempted in my life, even when the results were quite good by any sane person's judgement.
That just can't be good for the ol' self image....
It actually sounds like a good thing, on the surface. After all, isn't it an admirable quality to always strive to do the very best?
After much reflection, soul searching, and discussion, I've come to one very simple conclusion as to why perfectionism is so damaging. It's unattainable.
By setting perfection as the only acceptable outcome, I have doomed myself to being a failure in my own eyes. Even at times when I have, to the rest of the world, done very well at something, exceeding all expecations, or even "doing the impossible", I have not achieved perfection and therefore was a failure in my own eyes.
My perfectionism has caused me to see myself as a complete and utter failure at everything I have ever attempted in my life, even when the results were quite good by any sane person's judgement.
That just can't be good for the ol' self image....
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