So tired of it..........
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 14
So tired of it..........
Today I am venting because I cannot vent at ANYONE else. The minute I start telling my husband the way I feel about anything -ESPECIALLY if it is something I am frustrated with about him.........NO MORE CONVERSATION. All I get is....I am not going to argue about this (even though I am not arguing, just talking)........get off it...let it go. But when he wants to dump on me........dump away...for hours. I never once say I don't want to hear it or get off it or let it go. My 19 yeard old daughter does the same thing. If I get frustrated with something she does....I am talking about it too long or just get off it, leave it alone. Did they ever think that if they LISTENED instead of interupting a thousand times and telling me to get off it - THAT I WOULD GET OFF IT SOONER! In fact I would be done and over and feel so much better that they actually listened. I just think to myself....WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM THAT THEY CANNOT JUST LISTEN TO ME!
Their telling me to let it go and get off it actually prolongs it and makes it worse. Well, today I am done with this. I have had enough. And then they expect me to do everything for them.......which I have which is bad enough, but I am so done. I am going to have to make a change or I am going to lose it. I am sick and tired of not being able to talk to him about ME. God forbid. And how I actually feel. Always kept inside, doing, doing, doing. But the minute I want to tellt hem how I feel...........poof.......shut up. Go away........leave me alone. So, who do I tell? Well, right now this board.
My husband has chronic back pain. Herniated discs in his back. This has been going on for about 8 years. I understand his pain, I really do. But does he ever think what I have to go through. He cannot do alot of walking, he cannot help with alot of things around the house. We are getting ready to get a house and he has had three years to get surgery for it but what does he do? Decides that he wants it now?! There is no way we can afford for him to be off work A MONTH BEFORE WE CLOSE ON A HOUSE! And he gets mad at ME?! I understand he is frustrated BUT SO AM I! And he dumps on me about all this crap but then the minute that I want to say some of my feelings.........OKAY WHATEVER..YOU SAID IT -GET OFF IT NOW. I cannot talk for more than 30 seconds without hearing that. But I listened to him all morning. I'm done. And then he wants me to call in his pills and do that and do this and make phone calls, etc. WHATEVER!
I feel a little better now. I am still really angry. I could not even imagine if he was telling me all his stuff about how he feels and then I tell him "Get over it. You stay on it too long." Wow, would he be pissed. I have always held my feelings inside though.........I know why now. It's just easier.......Listen to everyone else and then be quiet about yourself. What is my first step in stopping this pattern? Thanks for listening.
Their telling me to let it go and get off it actually prolongs it and makes it worse. Well, today I am done with this. I have had enough. And then they expect me to do everything for them.......which I have which is bad enough, but I am so done. I am going to have to make a change or I am going to lose it. I am sick and tired of not being able to talk to him about ME. God forbid. And how I actually feel. Always kept inside, doing, doing, doing. But the minute I want to tellt hem how I feel...........poof.......shut up. Go away........leave me alone. So, who do I tell? Well, right now this board.
My husband has chronic back pain. Herniated discs in his back. This has been going on for about 8 years. I understand his pain, I really do. But does he ever think what I have to go through. He cannot do alot of walking, he cannot help with alot of things around the house. We are getting ready to get a house and he has had three years to get surgery for it but what does he do? Decides that he wants it now?! There is no way we can afford for him to be off work A MONTH BEFORE WE CLOSE ON A HOUSE! And he gets mad at ME?! I understand he is frustrated BUT SO AM I! And he dumps on me about all this crap but then the minute that I want to say some of my feelings.........OKAY WHATEVER..YOU SAID IT -GET OFF IT NOW. I cannot talk for more than 30 seconds without hearing that. But I listened to him all morning. I'm done. And then he wants me to call in his pills and do that and do this and make phone calls, etc. WHATEVER!
I feel a little better now. I am still really angry. I could not even imagine if he was telling me all his stuff about how he feels and then I tell him "Get over it. You stay on it too long." Wow, would he be pissed. I have always held my feelings inside though.........I know why now. It's just easier.......Listen to everyone else and then be quiet about yourself. What is my first step in stopping this pattern? Thanks for listening.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
So tired of it..... Now that is a statement I can really relate to.
The only person I even have a chance of changing is me and that is a fact. I asked myself oneday if I coulld change one thing about me what would that be? I decided I wanted to stop obsessing about the As in my life and there are several of them BTW.
This is a very difficult thing to do. I am going try and shorten this as much as possible... I started fantasizing about what if none of these people were in my life? Where would I be if I had been raised to respect myself? The first thing is I cannot change that these people are in my life so forget that but, I did a little work with the 2nd question and decided that I can learn to respect myself. I learned that I run on automatic with the people in my life who manipulate me. I heard that they have certain word phrases and certain behaviors that I start reacting to that get me jumping thru their hoops. I decided that I did not need to do this anymore. I larned that there was a whole dimention of things about me that I totally ignored or if I did used these things I gave them to the bottomless pit of need in the people that I allow to surround me in my everyday life...
The bottom line is: The more responsibility I take for what I do the farther along I can get with what I want to do and truely need to do for me. If I continue to blame others for my unhappiness I am going to stay stuck. Of course I am not perfect by a long shot. The more clearly i look at my own mistakes and actually learn not to repeat them the happier I am. and that's the truth
The only person I even have a chance of changing is me and that is a fact. I asked myself oneday if I coulld change one thing about me what would that be? I decided I wanted to stop obsessing about the As in my life and there are several of them BTW.
This is a very difficult thing to do. I am going try and shorten this as much as possible... I started fantasizing about what if none of these people were in my life? Where would I be if I had been raised to respect myself? The first thing is I cannot change that these people are in my life so forget that but, I did a little work with the 2nd question and decided that I can learn to respect myself. I learned that I run on automatic with the people in my life who manipulate me. I heard that they have certain word phrases and certain behaviors that I start reacting to that get me jumping thru their hoops. I decided that I did not need to do this anymore. I larned that there was a whole dimention of things about me that I totally ignored or if I did used these things I gave them to the bottomless pit of need in the people that I allow to surround me in my everyday life...
The bottom line is: The more responsibility I take for what I do the farther along I can get with what I want to do and truely need to do for me. If I continue to blame others for my unhappiness I am going to stay stuck. Of course I am not perfect by a long shot. The more clearly i look at my own mistakes and actually learn not to repeat them the happier I am. and that's the truth
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hello there lolobug 
I'm sorry to hear that you are having all these problems. I'm glad you are able to vent here and clear your head. I think you should copy this post over to the Friends and Family forum because they have a lot more experience in the area of dealing with spouses. You mentioned in another post that your husband no longer drinks, so the Friends and Family forum is definetly a better place to put this post.
Mike
I'm sorry to hear that you are having all these problems. I'm glad you are able to vent here and clear your head. I think you should copy this post over to the Friends and Family forum because they have a lot more experience in the area of dealing with spouses. You mentioned in another post that your husband no longer drinks, so the Friends and Family forum is definetly a better place to put this post.
Mike
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