testing the waters....
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
testing the waters....
http://www.psybersquare.com/recovery/recovery_acoa.html
Hmm...I got a 17 of 21...
Disfunctional family works here too, huh?
Geezzz, I don't even know where to start!
When I was in therapy, I couldn't talk to any of the therapists at all about this. One said that it was clear I didn't have any issues, cuz, she said they would come tumbling out if I did.
Keeping the secrets was the norm in my family.
Do you ever feel -still - like you are betraying your family if you talk about the sh!t that happened back then?
Thanks for listening...
Shalom!
Hmm...I got a 17 of 21...
Disfunctional family works here too, huh?
Geezzz, I don't even know where to start!
When I was in therapy, I couldn't talk to any of the therapists at all about this. One said that it was clear I didn't have any issues, cuz, she said they would come tumbling out if I did.
Keeping the secrets was the norm in my family.
Do you ever feel -still - like you are betraying your family if you talk about the sh!t that happened back then?
Thanks for listening...
Shalom!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
I can't say I ever felt like I was betraying anyone..if anything I avoided it because it felt whiny. The inner child and all that stuff? But those lists are real eye openers.
I was well along in Al Anon before I could even go there. Even when this forum was started I wasn't comfortable but I have eased into it and facts are facts. I was affected. Part of it for me has been that if I accept that I was affected by my family then it follows that I carried that into my own parenting. It is generational. I couldn't read ACOA material without personalizing it and if I were honest about it, I still can't.
Hugs,
JT
I was well along in Al Anon before I could even go there. Even when this forum was started I wasn't comfortable but I have eased into it and facts are facts. I was affected. Part of it for me has been that if I accept that I was affected by my family then it follows that I carried that into my own parenting. It is generational. I couldn't read ACOA material without personalizing it and if I were honest about it, I still can't.
Hugs,
JT
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
I understand the whiny part too. It's like, "Get over it! It happened, it's over."
And one more thing I've thought too, is that, just like me, my parents did the best that they could do with what they had and what they knew.
But, this has been on my mind for a while; and came to the fore with something Mark said on the post about flashbacks we mom's have - as in PTSD. And he said it's often a result of truama growing up.
So, I find myself looking back as a kid and looking at my actions/reactions with Trevor's addiction, and at his addition itself. Like a tennis match.
I can't do that, though. I've got to look at today; at my choices. Yet, once you, (JT), said that the purpose of reflection is to see what we've done and how we can do it better. And that fits completely with my knowledge as a teacher; reflecting on a lesson to improve it for the next time. I "get" that.
Perhaps I'm just not ready to go here yet.
I can still get caught up in BS. I've got to handle my reactions first.
I'm rambling...
Shalom!
And one more thing I've thought too, is that, just like me, my parents did the best that they could do with what they had and what they knew.
But, this has been on my mind for a while; and came to the fore with something Mark said on the post about flashbacks we mom's have - as in PTSD. And he said it's often a result of truama growing up.
So, I find myself looking back as a kid and looking at my actions/reactions with Trevor's addiction, and at his addition itself. Like a tennis match.
I can't do that, though. I've got to look at today; at my choices. Yet, once you, (JT), said that the purpose of reflection is to see what we've done and how we can do it better. And that fits completely with my knowledge as a teacher; reflecting on a lesson to improve it for the next time. I "get" that.
Perhaps I'm just not ready to go here yet.
I can still get caught up in BS. I've got to handle my reactions first.
I'm rambling...
Shalom!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Teach,
When I started looking back I did it more than one way and more than one time. Once I made a list of all the high points in chronological order. What I found was that I had been reacting my way through life. My parents divorced and I reacted with drugs and alcohol. My parents remarried and I reacted by marrying the first guy who asked to get out of the house and on and on. That realization in no way fit my illusion that I had control....HAD to have control. I will never forget what a dark time that was for me to discover that about myself.
I understand the tennis match analogy and you are right about that confusing things. I hate to sound like I am discouraging you because I am not. It sounds like you are trying to get your working ducks in a row and discarding the ones that aren't working for you. My father...32 years AA...told me once that they aren't my ducks.
Your thread title was Testing the Water and I know that is what you are doing. You will find your own rythm, where you can go and when. Those first lessons are pretty intense tho...staying in today, not reacting, letting go ( and their reactions to your changes)...and there is no final exam looming in 6 weeks.
That's why we have the slogan "Easy Does It"
Hugs,
JT
When I started looking back I did it more than one way and more than one time. Once I made a list of all the high points in chronological order. What I found was that I had been reacting my way through life. My parents divorced and I reacted with drugs and alcohol. My parents remarried and I reacted by marrying the first guy who asked to get out of the house and on and on. That realization in no way fit my illusion that I had control....HAD to have control. I will never forget what a dark time that was for me to discover that about myself.
I understand the tennis match analogy and you are right about that confusing things. I hate to sound like I am discouraging you because I am not. It sounds like you are trying to get your working ducks in a row and discarding the ones that aren't working for you. My father...32 years AA...told me once that they aren't my ducks.
Your thread title was Testing the Water and I know that is what you are doing. You will find your own rythm, where you can go and when. Those first lessons are pretty intense tho...staying in today, not reacting, letting go ( and their reactions to your changes)...and there is no final exam looming in 6 weeks.
That's why we have the slogan "Easy Does It"
Hugs,
JT
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Thank you, JT...
I don't remember a whole lot about my childhood. There was a lot of abuse; physical abuse. Mostly between my mom and dad, but, we got it too. I'm not talking about discipline either. My brothers and sisters, (6 siblings) will to this day talk about things, and I just don't remember them.
I couldn't wait to get out of my house growing up. I left the day after I turned 18 and didn't look back.
There was no physical abuse in my marriage. I remember telling Bill once, if he EVER hit me, well...that he would have to sleep sometime. I WOULD get even. In fact, I told every guy I ever dated seriously that same message. I have not been physically abused since leaving my parents home.
Verbally, emotionally, financially, you name it, but, not physically, LOL! Unfortunately, I also learned how to give that stuff right back.
Anyway, I am done for now. Probably said more than I should, but, it's out there.
And I agree; facts are facts; we were affected and it only stands to reason that I brought my stuff into my own home as a parent. But, the thing is, I can't change any of this...so what's the point? It just is.
Does learning new behaviors always entail reviewing the old? Can't one just learn new behaviors?
Thanks for listening...
Shalom!
I don't remember a whole lot about my childhood. There was a lot of abuse; physical abuse. Mostly between my mom and dad, but, we got it too. I'm not talking about discipline either. My brothers and sisters, (6 siblings) will to this day talk about things, and I just don't remember them.
I couldn't wait to get out of my house growing up. I left the day after I turned 18 and didn't look back.
There was no physical abuse in my marriage. I remember telling Bill once, if he EVER hit me, well...that he would have to sleep sometime. I WOULD get even. In fact, I told every guy I ever dated seriously that same message. I have not been physically abused since leaving my parents home.
Verbally, emotionally, financially, you name it, but, not physically, LOL! Unfortunately, I also learned how to give that stuff right back.
Anyway, I am done for now. Probably said more than I should, but, it's out there.
And I agree; facts are facts; we were affected and it only stands to reason that I brought my stuff into my own home as a parent. But, the thing is, I can't change any of this...so what's the point? It just is.
Does learning new behaviors always entail reviewing the old? Can't one just learn new behaviors?
Thanks for listening...
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
In order to learn *NEW* behaviors, wouldn't one have to be able to distinguish them from the *OLD* ones?
I'm not sure.....
but I could have probably written your post....
I am going through some dark times, since quitting smoking.........no where to run........except to alcohol...........
sooooo I started with a therapist this past Tuesday.....
1st assignment:
Read "IT will Never Happen To Me"
I ordered it from Amazon......hope it helps..............
FORGOT...........scored a 16 on that survey!
I'm not sure.....
but I could have probably written your post....
I am going through some dark times, since quitting smoking.........no where to run........except to alcohol...........
sooooo I started with a therapist this past Tuesday.....
1st assignment:
Read "IT will Never Happen To Me"
I ordered it from Amazon......hope it helps..............
FORGOT...........scored a 16 on that survey!
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
I remember getting up in the morning, and, no matter HOW I felt, I put on a smile before I went downstairs. The few times I expressed my feelings, I was told I was wrong. So, I just smiled.
On another post in Mark's forum, he pointed out that I still had feelings of responsibility for my son's addiction. I honestly had thought that I had worked through that. Intellectually, I know I didn't "cause" him to use drugs. But, when I read Mark's response, I felt a surge of emotion. I didn't even know that I was still feeling guilt or responsibility for his choices.
I've long stuffed my emotions, until they come out forcefully. In fact, when I'm upset, I *forget* to breath! I just hold it inside. Then it comes out like a hose that explodes when it has a crimp in it that finally gives.
I've been trying to work on that; to look at whatever it is upsetting me objectively; to try and diffuse issues. Doesn't always work, but, I working on it.
Anyway, I think I've stuffed my emotions alot.
Anyone else stuffing their feelings?
Do you have trouble identifying them?
Shalom!
On another post in Mark's forum, he pointed out that I still had feelings of responsibility for my son's addiction. I honestly had thought that I had worked through that. Intellectually, I know I didn't "cause" him to use drugs. But, when I read Mark's response, I felt a surge of emotion. I didn't even know that I was still feeling guilt or responsibility for his choices.
I've long stuffed my emotions, until they come out forcefully. In fact, when I'm upset, I *forget* to breath! I just hold it inside. Then it comes out like a hose that explodes when it has a crimp in it that finally gives.
I've been trying to work on that; to look at whatever it is upsetting me objectively; to try and diffuse issues. Doesn't always work, but, I working on it.
Anyway, I think I've stuffed my emotions alot.
Anyone else stuffing their feelings?
Do you have trouble identifying them?
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
I can certainly relate!
Odd too, that forgetting to breathe.....is something I do........not that I forget, but in times of stress, I hold my breath. It's very noticeable that I do this but it's automatic.
I, too, have two sons who both use.
They have moved far away from me and I have not seen them now, in several years. The oldest is supposed to be visiting 8/2-10, I believe. I am feeling anxious about it and I don't know why. I'm delighted to see him but also feel very sad about his using. I don't know if it's alcohol AND drugs or alcohol by itself. Yes, feeling responsible and guilty too, because when he and his brother were growing up, the only thing my x and I did, was smoke...there were no drugs and very very little alcohol....we did not divorce until they were grown. But part of our problem centered around trying to deal with the two sons and their bad behavior. The other part was my depression..........expecting him (my x) to MAKE me happy and then blaming him for all the times I was miserable. What a huge lesson I learned and what a tragedy that I threw away such an awesome marriage!
And yes, I have learned how to stuff my feelings. I was the anchor of my family, having 2 brothers who are alcoholics, a drug addicted sister and a schizophrenic oldest brother. For years every one of them leaned on me, so I never showed any weakness. What a huge burden! But I lived the lie so long and played the part so well, no one knew how much *I* hurt inside. By that time, pain had become so familiar, that to be without it, would have felt unnnatural, I think. Anyway......I am just rambling now......don't really have a point except to say I can relate....thanks!!
CN
Odd too, that forgetting to breathe.....is something I do........not that I forget, but in times of stress, I hold my breath. It's very noticeable that I do this but it's automatic.
I, too, have two sons who both use.
They have moved far away from me and I have not seen them now, in several years. The oldest is supposed to be visiting 8/2-10, I believe. I am feeling anxious about it and I don't know why. I'm delighted to see him but also feel very sad about his using. I don't know if it's alcohol AND drugs or alcohol by itself. Yes, feeling responsible and guilty too, because when he and his brother were growing up, the only thing my x and I did, was smoke...there were no drugs and very very little alcohol....we did not divorce until they were grown. But part of our problem centered around trying to deal with the two sons and their bad behavior. The other part was my depression..........expecting him (my x) to MAKE me happy and then blaming him for all the times I was miserable. What a huge lesson I learned and what a tragedy that I threw away such an awesome marriage!
And yes, I have learned how to stuff my feelings. I was the anchor of my family, having 2 brothers who are alcoholics, a drug addicted sister and a schizophrenic oldest brother. For years every one of them leaned on me, so I never showed any weakness. What a huge burden! But I lived the lie so long and played the part so well, no one knew how much *I* hurt inside. By that time, pain had become so familiar, that to be without it, would have felt unnnatural, I think. Anyway......I am just rambling now......don't really have a point except to say I can relate....thanks!!
CN
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Teach.
It seems you learned to stuff your feelings from a very early age, as a lot of us did. I was always told I was too sensitive, and was made to feel bad for any negative feeling I had. So I kept them hidden. I still have a hard time connecting with my feelings on some days but I'm getting better.
You're not betraying your family by talking about what happened. Talking and acknowledging is not blaming, it's accepting what was. Your parents did the best they knew how to do. We all do until we know how to do better. And when we can recognize things in our past that may not have affected us positively, we can accept it and make a change for the better.
Reliving the past can be scary but digging through the old wounds brings forth a lot of healing. And the only way to get to the other side is to go through it.
Don't worry, we'll be here.
Hugs,
JG
It seems you learned to stuff your feelings from a very early age, as a lot of us did. I was always told I was too sensitive, and was made to feel bad for any negative feeling I had. So I kept them hidden. I still have a hard time connecting with my feelings on some days but I'm getting better.
You're not betraying your family by talking about what happened. Talking and acknowledging is not blaming, it's accepting what was. Your parents did the best they knew how to do. We all do until we know how to do better. And when we can recognize things in our past that may not have affected us positively, we can accept it and make a change for the better.
Reliving the past can be scary but digging through the old wounds brings forth a lot of healing. And the only way to get to the other side is to go through it.
Don't worry, we'll be here.
Hugs,
JG
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Well, it doesn't happen overnight, lol. It's a process. We start by acknowledging day to day stuff and working through those feelings. The more we do that, the more in touch with ourselves we become. I'd say Trevor probably provides you a lot of opportunities to work through a lot of different feelings. 
And I don't mean guilt. I mean anger, frustration, sadness, etc. One thing I have discovered is the ending to all of all of those emotions is acceptance and forgiveness. Sometimes I think we try to skip the middle feelings and just head straight for acceptance and forgiveness. I think we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that. It's ok to experience the negative emotions, especially when we're not used to feeling them.
A few months ago I was dealing with a lot of anger at Jack during one of his attempts at recovery. I didn't understand why I was so angry, but for once I let myself feel those emotions. And it was ok. In the end, I forgave him and the anger subsided. But it was good to acknowledge what I was feeling and not feel bad or ashamed about it.
Not sure if any of this is making any sense!
And I don't mean guilt. I mean anger, frustration, sadness, etc. One thing I have discovered is the ending to all of all of those emotions is acceptance and forgiveness. Sometimes I think we try to skip the middle feelings and just head straight for acceptance and forgiveness. I think we do a disservice to ourselves by doing that. It's ok to experience the negative emotions, especially when we're not used to feeling them.A few months ago I was dealing with a lot of anger at Jack during one of his attempts at recovery. I didn't understand why I was so angry, but for once I let myself feel those emotions. And it was ok. In the end, I forgave him and the anger subsided. But it was good to acknowledge what I was feeling and not feel bad or ashamed about it.
Not sure if any of this is making any sense!
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
I'm hearing you...
A few nights ago, Trevor took off with Bill's car. Bill, (my ex), called and told me, saying he let Trevor take it for an hour.
He was gone 3 days.
Bill said, " he was doing so well."
Now, I had JUST told him that Trevor was wacked out at my house just a few days before. So, where does, "doing so well" come from.
Bottom line, for these purposes....
I didn't get that surge of anger at Bill, (for being so stupid - still), or paralyzing fear for Trevor's welfare. It just was. It's been this way for years. Nothing I've done has changed Bill or Trevor.
I suggested Bill call the police; asked how he was and let it go.
What am I missing here?
OK, wait; I didn't go out with some family members. I didn't feel like partying. We were supposed to go to a club and see my BIL play piano and have dinner. Just didn't feel like it. Stayed home. Came to SR, had a few drinks and went to bed.
Such an exciting life,
Shalom!
A few nights ago, Trevor took off with Bill's car. Bill, (my ex), called and told me, saying he let Trevor take it for an hour.
He was gone 3 days.
Bill said, " he was doing so well."
Now, I had JUST told him that Trevor was wacked out at my house just a few days before. So, where does, "doing so well" come from.
Bottom line, for these purposes....
I didn't get that surge of anger at Bill, (for being so stupid - still), or paralyzing fear for Trevor's welfare. It just was. It's been this way for years. Nothing I've done has changed Bill or Trevor.
I suggested Bill call the police; asked how he was and let it go.
What am I missing here?
OK, wait; I didn't go out with some family members. I didn't feel like partying. We were supposed to go to a club and see my BIL play piano and have dinner. Just didn't feel like it. Stayed home. Came to SR, had a few drinks and went to bed.
Such an exciting life,
Shalom!
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Now, don't get me wrong.
I've had some emotional memories of past instances. Getting beaten; getting raped; feelings of terror; my divorce. I've dealt with them emotionally. I've been angry about them and grieved about them. And, I've thought, moved on.
Stuff with Trevor, well, as I said to Mark...it's still happening. How can one get over what's still going on? Tell an earthquake survivor to get over it while the earth is still rocking, you know what I mean?
So, yea; I still have flashbacks here. It's not like its a recent thing; I've been dealing with his addiction for 11 years! He's only 25.
I don't know. I'm rambling again. Forget it.
Shalom!
I've had some emotional memories of past instances. Getting beaten; getting raped; feelings of terror; my divorce. I've dealt with them emotionally. I've been angry about them and grieved about them. And, I've thought, moved on.
Stuff with Trevor, well, as I said to Mark...it's still happening. How can one get over what's still going on? Tell an earthquake survivor to get over it while the earth is still rocking, you know what I mean?
So, yea; I still have flashbacks here. It's not like its a recent thing; I've been dealing with his addiction for 11 years! He's only 25.
I don't know. I'm rambling again. Forget it.
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there Teach :-)
There's a slogan we use in ACoA and ISA. "We Survive and Overcome". Survive is what we do as children when we are in a "toxic" family. Whatever the _type_ of abuse we survived we did it be learning how to adapt our external behavior to the insanity around us. Now that we are adults we have to _overcome_ those insane behaviors which have become habit and learn healthy behaviors.
We do _not_ "get over it". We work the steps of the program, learn how to practice acceptance, detachment and all those other skills and as a _result_ of having done all that we overcome the challenges of life.
How to overcome and earthquake while it's still happening? Grow wings and fly, so that you are no longer dependent on the earth as a source of comfort, stability and security. Your HP is your wings, and your faith allows you to fly. Your sponsor, your friends in the fellowship and on this forum are your safety net.
So ramble on. We're here to listen, just like you have been her for us.
Mike :-)
There's a slogan we use in ACoA and ISA. "We Survive and Overcome". Survive is what we do as children when we are in a "toxic" family. Whatever the _type_ of abuse we survived we did it be learning how to adapt our external behavior to the insanity around us. Now that we are adults we have to _overcome_ those insane behaviors which have become habit and learn healthy behaviors.
We do _not_ "get over it". We work the steps of the program, learn how to practice acceptance, detachment and all those other skills and as a _result_ of having done all that we overcome the challenges of life.
How to overcome and earthquake while it's still happening? Grow wings and fly, so that you are no longer dependent on the earth as a source of comfort, stability and security. Your HP is your wings, and your faith allows you to fly. Your sponsor, your friends in the fellowship and on this forum are your safety net.
So ramble on. We're here to listen, just like you have been her for us.
Mike :-)
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Thanks, Mike;
I have faith. G*D has provided for my needs and more. Beyond my expectations from years ago. And I'm more than grateful for this forum and my groups.
When I feel hurt, I often express it angrily. I understand there is a trigger there. I'm learning (trying) to refrain from that angry response.
What's the difference between overcome and get over? Unclear there.
And I"m sure glad you're back!!!
CN:
I love your signature line by Simon and Garfunkle.
Thanks for sharing. At least I know I'm not totally crazy if you can relate!
Shalom!
I have faith. G*D has provided for my needs and more. Beyond my expectations from years ago. And I'm more than grateful for this forum and my groups.
When I feel hurt, I often express it angrily. I understand there is a trigger there. I'm learning (trying) to refrain from that angry response.
What's the difference between overcome and get over? Unclear there.
And I"m sure glad you're back!!!
CN:
I love your signature line by Simon and Garfunkle.
Thanks for sharing. At least I know I'm not totally crazy if you can relate!
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by historyteach
What's the difference between overcome and get over? Unclear there.
"Overcome" means you have a legitimate reason for feeling the way you are feeling, but you have a choice about how you _respond_ to those feelings. You can either continue to respond in that manner you have in the past, and continue to get the result you have been getting, or you can find new ways of responding that are more constructive. i.e.: I was raised in a "toxic" family and I learned that the best way to not get hurt was to run and hide from all the adults in the house. Now that _I_ am an adult I still react to pain by "going hermit" and isolating myself from the world. I am overcoming that old response by sharing at meetings, with my sponsor and on the phone with people I have come to trust. Not only does it help _me_ deal with the pain faster and constructively, it also helps other people with similar pain.
Whadya think?
Mike :-)
To Life!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
OK, I get that...
I know I isolate too much. And I tend to not get involved with people. I don't push them away, like being mean or anything. I just don't respond to their advances.
I am not socially inept, however. When I have to, I'm quite capable of doing what's necessary. I mean, I am a teacher, and must deal with students, parents, administration...all the time. I do so. And I do it well. And I have to take classes and professional development; I interact well.
But, other than professionally, I'm pretty much a loner. There are times I'm lonely, but, not too often. I just don't need any more problems. Heck, even on these boards, which are safe, there are problems with people. I'm learning now not to react. But, I can still be hurt. Because that's what happens when we interact. That's just life.
And I've just got enough problems of my own to deal with, ya know?
So, I suppose that's still being in the "toxic" relationship of my family of origen and my ex, huh?
And what do I do about it anyway. I really am pretty shy, believe it or not, LOL! It's very difficult for me to go up and talk to someone outside of my role as a teacher.
Thanks for your insights...
Shalom!
I know I isolate too much. And I tend to not get involved with people. I don't push them away, like being mean or anything. I just don't respond to their advances.
I am not socially inept, however. When I have to, I'm quite capable of doing what's necessary. I mean, I am a teacher, and must deal with students, parents, administration...all the time. I do so. And I do it well. And I have to take classes and professional development; I interact well.
But, other than professionally, I'm pretty much a loner. There are times I'm lonely, but, not too often. I just don't need any more problems. Heck, even on these boards, which are safe, there are problems with people. I'm learning now not to react. But, I can still be hurt. Because that's what happens when we interact. That's just life.
And I've just got enough problems of my own to deal with, ya know?
So, I suppose that's still being in the "toxic" relationship of my family of origen and my ex, huh?
And what do I do about it anyway. I really am pretty shy, believe it or not, LOL! It's very difficult for me to go up and talk to someone outside of my role as a teacher.
Thanks for your insights...
Shalom!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Originally Posted by historyteach
... other than professionally, I'm pretty much a loner. There are times I'm lonely, but, not too often. I just don't need any more problems.... there are problems with people. I'm learning now not to react.
Originally Posted by historyteach
... Because that's what happens when we interact. That's just life. And I've just got enough problems of my own to deal with, ya know?
Originally Posted by historyteach
And what do I do about it anyway. I really am pretty shy, believe it or not, LOL! It's very difficult for me to go up and talk to someone outside of my role as a teacher.
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: So California
Posts: 87
Originally Posted by historyteach
Thanks, Mike;
I have faith. G*D has provided for my needs and more. Beyond my expectations from years ago. And I'm more than grateful for this forum and my groups.
When I feel hurt, I often express it angrily. I understand there is a trigger there. I'm learning (trying) to refrain from that angry response.
What's the difference between overcome and get over? Unclear there.
And I"m sure glad you're back!!!
CN:
I love your signature line by Simon and Garfunkle.
Thanks for sharing. At least I know I'm not totally crazy if you can relate!
Shalom!
I have faith. G*D has provided for my needs and more. Beyond my expectations from years ago. And I'm more than grateful for this forum and my groups.
When I feel hurt, I often express it angrily. I understand there is a trigger there. I'm learning (trying) to refrain from that angry response.
What's the difference between overcome and get over? Unclear there.
And I"m sure glad you're back!!!
CN:
I love your signature line by Simon and Garfunkle.
Thanks for sharing. At least I know I'm not totally crazy if you can relate!
Shalom!
Thanks...it has grown in meaning to me over the years, as both parents died, and now, my odest brother may be next.
So memories, pictures and such is what we are left with.
I went to a brunch yesterday, beautiful, outdoors, Mexican Food, a Mariachi band that played several Beatles songs and other American songs...
a lazy day, at the beach, teeming with tourists and locals.
I was watching this family with a little girl about 7, I would guess, interact.
Both Mom and Dad did subtle little things, such as hold her hand, and I watched as Dad lovingly kissed the back of her head ...she had little wavy blonde hair and she held tight, a stuffed bunny. There was genuine interest and focus on the little girl and the family seemed calm, almost serene in their every movement. Every gesture conveyed love and care and it was a feast for my eyes. Grandma and Grandpa were talking about the berries the little girl had eaten the night before, for dinner. It was like watching a movie and I remembered how I had done similar things with my own children. Then what struck me, is that I don't remember any of that kind of thing, touching, nurturing with my own parents. The best I could do was to remember how, when my dad was buzzed or outright drunk, that he would want to play with me in a rough way.....usually rubbing his stubbly beard way too hard against my tender cheek. A sadness came upon me.......and I was missing that My own children are grown now and I haven't that opportunity anymore..to mother in that way, to nurture....It leaves behind a longing and an emptiness........difficult to *accept* or replace....It's like standing in a huge empty room and the only sound is the echo of the silence.
you know?
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