ellima01

I have a question for ACOA. I am married to an alcoholic. He is (like most) wonderful to me and my 8yr old son (his step son) when he is sober. When he drinks- which is daily- he is a mean verbally abusive window breaking monster. He was sober for a month until 1 week ago he decided he wanted to drink again. We have done this sober/active/sober deal so many times- it always goe the same way, he starts out drinking a few beers a night, weeks go by and he adds whiskey, more weeks he adds more and more every day until he spirals into the monster that he always ends up becoming- he does somethig dumb (like get 2 DUI's in a week, or break EVERY window in our house) the wants to be clean again- you see the cycle.
My issue is my son, he is just a little boy and I am so afraid of what this is doing to him. He lost his dad to cancer in 2001- so my AH is all he has (dad wise) and he loves him so much. How can I leave and take something else away from him? i am so confused-- any advise for me please

gonzo

"He is (like most) wonderful to me and my 8yr old son (his step son) when he is sober. When he drinks- which is daily-he is mean and verbally abusive."
I'm new to this forum, but , from what you say, your son and you seem to be living in fear of his step father, which is not much better than loss of his stepfather. My other concern is what your son may grow up to think this is a normal way for a husband to treat his wife/family....
Just some food for thought,although probably not very helpful. Trust your instincts.
Do you have a support system, like a counselor. to talk to?
That would be my first suggestion. The right one will help you put things in perspective...
I wish you the best.
cindy

nocellphone

If you haven't attended Al-Anon meetings, they are a wonderful support tool where you may find the answers you're looking for. There is also Alateen, which would welcome your son as well.

My heart goes out to you and your son, as the situation sounds similar to what I experienced as a child. All I can say is that no situation is really hopeless, and that recovery is possible--for people of any age--from the effects of the family disease of alcoholism!

http://www.al-anon.org/meetings/kentucky.html

DaNile

Ellima01, The only thing you will be taking away from your son is the "FEAR". Which is a good thing, you would be doing good for your son. Did you ask your son about how he feels about his step father? Your son does not need to be seeing what his step father is doing, acting when he is drunk. Other wise your son is going to pick up on how his step father is acting and if that is all you son sees; your son when he becomes a man will most likely turnout like his step father.
I grew up in a alcohol, disfunctional home, and I know, it is really scarey because you don't know what going to happen next. Active Alcoholics are unpredictable; they will nice and happy one minute and then all of a sudden everything turns around and they are a totally different mean person.
In my opinion you need give your son a healthier enviroment, do what is best for him.

Heavenly

The most important role model for a child is the parent of the same sex. Your son is learning how to be exactly what his step-father is, if you say that is the only father type he has. It isn't too late to cut your losses and your son's and run.