babykittens

I encounter a good amount of people who very much need emotional support, and are incapable are giving it in return. This makes sense of people who are in deep need of emotional support, as they can me emotionally unintelligent (leading them to inability of emotional self regulation).'

So, my question is, is it not selfish to deny them this support, just because I know it will not be reciprocated? It seems selfish to only help, expecting something in return. Of course, the risks of this type of relationship can be damaging, but should I refuse the support knowing that I am stronger than them emotionally, thus able to process any emotional deficit I experience as a cause of the relationship?

Is it ever right to just refuse support I am capable of, to those that are in need? I do not mean only in terms of my foo, but people in general. Any perspectives greatly appreciated!! If my thought process is coming from a place of maladaptive defenses, or faulty ACOA reasoning, I want to know so that I can change it.

Eauchiche

Some people will rope you into their drama this way.
It is unselfish to take care of yourself, including emotionally. Then you can be available for people who genuinely need it.
Don't go looking for trouble!!!

dandylion

babykittens.....(love your name!)......
My short answer...general "rule of thumb" is this: Take care of yourself..using your resources for yourself FIRST....enough for you to be healthy and stable and live a gratifying life.....
Then, IF you have enough life energy left over.....then you can use it to help those who are willing to also help themselves.......
That is not selfish, I don't think...because it follows the principle of p uttin g on your own oxygen mask, first......

I think it is helpful to ask yourself the question: Is this person asking for something that they CAN and SHOULD be doing for themselves?

dandylion

babykittens

You're absolutely right. I do tend to get myself into trouble with these types of relationships. I'm definitely questioning if it is not just that these ppl happen to cross my path, but that I may be drawn to them, and them to me. Thanks for helping

babykittens

Thank you, dandylion! I like you're name too, sweet and optimistic, or at least that's what it makes me think of
Also, thank you for mentioning that it's important to ask yourself if they CAN and SHOULD be doing something for themselves. It reminded me that these types of relationships can often lead to codependency, which really isn't helping either party. Thanks for the rule of thumb, I like it.

MikeH

+1