EveningRose

I recently received hundreds of congratulations online on my recent engagement, and excitement over my new home. Not one of those came from my siblings, mother, or children. Only one or two came from anyone in my large extended family.

I have de-friended siblings and mother. It's funny, last time I did that because they had nothing to say to me anyway, they had a fit and sent me a joint PM demanding to be let back on my page. I did, just to shut them up, and they've not interacted with me since. This time, they're also blocked.

I have come to realize in recent years how much goes on behind my back, both from my parents and my ex-husband, telling people things about me that are simply not true. Add to this my mother has been telling people for years that I'm a liar, and there's no hope of even defending myself, as they've probably been hearing this since I was a child. (I believe my father is a pervert and she labeled me a liar rather than believe me.)

These things have slowly poisoned my ability to have any relationship at all with people I loved.

How in the world do I keep putting one foot in front of another?

NWGRITS

I don't really have any answers for you because my family has never really been close to me, and I'm happier than a pig in mud being NC with the vast majority of my FOO. The only way I *could* move forward in my life was to drop that weight. (((HUGS)))

advbike

Maybe take a break from social media?

tromboneliness

Repeat after me: Facebook. Is. Not. Life!



T

FeelingGreat

Hi ER, I hope you don't think everyone your mother talks to about you believe her. Most people eventually work out when someone is not rational.

irisgardens

Sending you congrats! Does that make it 201? :-)

tromboneliness

Congrats #202!!!

T

GracieLou

I moved on.

I got to a point that I stopped letting what other people wanted or what others thought direct how I feel about me and my life! Its not fair to me!

I am not on earth to please others while I make myself miserable. That is not what family and friends should be about.

I am NC with both of my parents and all of my extended family. The only family I still have a relationship with are my children and I found out, that is OKAY!

None of the extended family I blocked on FB even care. I got no messages, no requests, no emails, no phone calls, no text messages....they don't care. They do not want the truth. They already believe my mothers version so I am not going to try to convince them I am right and she is wrong. That she is a liar and I am not the problem. It is a waste of time. I am 46, I ain't wasting what time I have left fighting with extended relatives over she said, she said BS. I ain't got time for all that!

They made no real effort to understand or hear my side of the story so I came to the conclusion that I really don't need them in my life.

When they were in my life all it did was create drama. I don't want drama, lies, game playing and a tug of war.

I want peace, serenity, happiness, love and laughter. I have that without them, why would I want their problems back?

I completely understand where you are. The longer time goes by the easier it got and I got a little angry. It is okay to be angry. It is not fair they didn't treat me with love and respect yet demand I give it. I am a human being and I deserve to be happy. I was not put on earth to serve others at the expense of myself.

Today I am allowed to be happy and I am allowed because I am worth it and I don't need anyone to validate it. I am me, here me rowr...LOL!

Seriously, it is a grieving process and it does take time. We go through the same feelings as if someone had died. Look into the process of NC grieving. It helped me a great deal.

Congratulations on your engagement! I wish you a happy, healthy and peaceful life

EveningRose

Thank you, all, for putting things back into some perspective.

I think what's funny in retrospect, is that I largely don't care that they ignore me on social media. In fact, I do prefer it that way, and have set my settings so I don't have to see their pages at all. So I have to ask myself why, this time, it got to me.

I think because it was virtually no one in my extended family--people with whom I have not had any issues. Yes, I've noticed in recent years they've gone from welcoming to merely civil at family get-togethers. And I've taken the same attitude--I'm not going to waste my time trying to fight years of my mother's poison. Maybe I thought for something this big, they would maintain the civility of a simple congratulations. I think it was also that my older kids are so clearly unenthused about it.

It all leaves me feeling that no matter what I do, I'll be caught in a state of semi-isolation forever. Either alienating my kids by marrying someone, or remaining in this world where I'm alone on one side and my family, and my kids semi-affected by them, on the other.

advbike, I use social media not only for business networking, but to reconnect with many friends from years past, as I've spent my life moving around the country and even world. I'm happier with having just 'eliminated' my family. (Bwahahahaha!)

FindingMe2

Oh boy. I can so relate with much of what you all shared. 202+ congrats? I would be very grateful for simply 20 or 2 at this point in my life. Lol

A new fiancé and a new home!! Sounds like a great new chapter, that I can only pray for. I am still learning not to look at life in the rear view mirror. Best advice I have been given tough to do at times.

Congratulations! Enjoy your happiness! You deserve it! Don't let "them" steal it from you!!