Redhead

Hi,
My dad is an alcoholic, and his effort to get sober is going downhill. He was sober for 18 days, and he's just now relapsed. He's detoxed at so many places, i can't even count them all. I was just wondering what it was like for others to go through a close family member trying to get sober. Did your family member try and fail, try and fail just like my dad has done? He did a 2 week program at a hospital, and he relapsed, is there still hope, or will he always be an alcoholic?

~Redhead, 15

best

My father in law had his second heart attack at age 49. For him that was his wake up call. He stopped drinking and stopped smoking ciggerette cold turkey.
At age 70 he went out for a drive and came home drunk as a skunk.
One relaps in 30 years. Many relapses over the 30 years before the full stop.

There is always hope. Both my parents stopped when I was about 19 (after I moved out)

When your dad sees the need and stops because he wants to stop is when he will seek changes. You see the need, your mom sees the need. He is the one who needs to change. You can't change him, nore can your mom.

There is hope...remember that.

Birddog

He will always be an alcoholic, but there is a chance your Dad could sober up.

Don't quit on him

Redhead

Thanks Birddog and best,
It feels really good to finally talk about my dad's problem to someone, it means a lot for you to reply!

~Redhead

Gabe

Agreeing with best, there is always hope.

Vee

My father had numerous rehab attempts including home detox and a couple of hospitalisations and one in a psychiatric ward. It was very hard and dispiriting to watch him get so far and then fail again. The last one he did worked well for a while but it was only after his eventual death that I realised that he never owned up to his past and therefore could never complete the 12 steps properly...dont dispare though, my father had many issues including post traumatic stress disorder that was never dealt with and there are many, many recovering addicts in the world right now. Keep strong and decide your own boundries as to what you will and wont allow him to do in your life....this is the time to sort yourself out...he can look after himself. The one thing I learnt is that NOTHING you do will make him get sober...you can offer all the support in the world,cry, beg, plead, worry yourself sick, get ill even....in the end its up to him, so right now look after yourself and make sure you have a support network that is there for you. Just remember that however hard is it for an addict....they have a choice. We as the families of addicts have none. I learnt that I was letting my dad's life take over mine...and I did this for years. I know how it feels to be in your position, and I know how hard it is, but you have to look after you now and let your dad make his own choices. I know you cant stop caring for him, just make sure you care for yourself to ok? In the end, whatever happens (hopefully a sober dad!) you will still have a life to lead and you need to make sure that you come out of this a positive young woman knowing that none of this is your fault and whatever your dad might say or do....he has a disease and although he has choices, they are very hard for him to make right now. Keep smiling.
Vee xxx

DefofLov

this is why it is important to detatch from what the alcoholic is doing and focus on working our own programs and healing ourselves. we need to learn that we come first, not the alcoholic or anyone else. and we need to keep smiling too.

dyeman

My dad is an addict also, he is no longer actively using meth or alcohol but is now addicted to vicodin. What I wanted to say was that loving an addict is a painful journey. You can become a very sick person yourself if you don't keep your head on straight. When my dad used to relapse, as a kid I would think " I should have told him he was doing good, I should have talked to him more" I thought I could control his drinking. I'm 32 now and it was only 5 years ago that I realized I was a sick adult with learned behavior that wasn't healthy. Of course I married an alcoholic 9 years ago, who just relapsed a week ago. The ONLY way I keep my sanity is to stay focused on what I have learned at al anon. Detach with love. Set boundaries, and remember you have a life too, you can lose track of that pretty easily. I also try my hardest to focus on myself, read my al anon book and know that addiction is a disease.
Good luck to you.
m