Just come to the realisation...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Manchester - England
Posts: 7
Just come to the realisation...
After finding this forum today and reading as much as I possibly can I have suddenly come to the realisation of why I have certain issues with my mother in law.
Now don't get me wrong my mother in law is a lovely woman and loved by everyone around her. I have always had a difficult relationship with her and find it a struggle to have a conversation with her as I just find myself not wanting to like her. I always let myself think that this was because she was religious and I am not (I might point out that I have no issue with anyone else who is religious) also my mother in law doesn't talk about her faith as she doesn't want to feel like she is pressurising other people in to her religious views. So it's a pretty dumb reason to not want to like someone!
I have absolutely no issue with my father in law at all and we get on incredibly well.
It has just dawned on me since being on this forum that my issues with my mother in law stem from my issues with my own mother. My mother is an alcoholic and has been for nearly two decades. I'm jealous of how nice my mother in law is to her children/grandchildren and hate seeing it on a daily basis with how she is with my husband and son and I can't accept how nice she is to me, as in a weird sort of way I want her to be horrible to my husband so that I'm not jealous of the close relationship they have.
I can't believe I have only just realised this...I also can't believe that I behave the way I do around her. That's terrible!
Now don't get me wrong my mother in law is a lovely woman and loved by everyone around her. I have always had a difficult relationship with her and find it a struggle to have a conversation with her as I just find myself not wanting to like her. I always let myself think that this was because she was religious and I am not (I might point out that I have no issue with anyone else who is religious) also my mother in law doesn't talk about her faith as she doesn't want to feel like she is pressurising other people in to her religious views. So it's a pretty dumb reason to not want to like someone!
I have absolutely no issue with my father in law at all and we get on incredibly well.
It has just dawned on me since being on this forum that my issues with my mother in law stem from my issues with my own mother. My mother is an alcoholic and has been for nearly two decades. I'm jealous of how nice my mother in law is to her children/grandchildren and hate seeing it on a daily basis with how she is with my husband and son and I can't accept how nice she is to me, as in a weird sort of way I want her to be horrible to my husband so that I'm not jealous of the close relationship they have.
I can't believe I have only just realised this...I also can't believe that I behave the way I do around her. That's terrible!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 688
The fact that you can sort it out and get to the root of your feelings is half the battle. This is a huge realization. Take it the next step and realize you have the chance to have a mother figure who is good and kind to you, too. My dream is to have such a mother-in-law and a healthy in-law family one day to replace the mess I have now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 168
You can't change what you don't acknowledge. So please give yourself a pat on the back for this!! lol
I used to mirror my dad's behaviour - how he used to act towards my sister and I, I used to act towards my niece. I don't know if I felt it was normal, or if I just thought "if he can do it, so can I". After talking to my counselor one day, I realized how my dad had acted towards us, was how I was acting towards my niece. I felt like an ******* lol!! That was maybe almost 5 years ago, and now I'm happy to say I'm a different person. I'm able to give her unconditional love without expecting anything in return. It's awesome to not always just feel needed, but to feel wanted.
I used to mirror my dad's behaviour - how he used to act towards my sister and I, I used to act towards my niece. I don't know if I felt it was normal, or if I just thought "if he can do it, so can I". After talking to my counselor one day, I realized how my dad had acted towards us, was how I was acting towards my niece. I felt like an ******* lol!! That was maybe almost 5 years ago, and now I'm happy to say I'm a different person. I'm able to give her unconditional love without expecting anything in return. It's awesome to not always just feel needed, but to feel wanted.
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