Too Many Programs!!??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3
Too Many Programs!!??
Hi Everyone,
I'm new to this message board.
I've been regularly attending ACA for over a year now, but I'm in a lot of confusion about my whole recovery process & would love some input.
I have 1.5 years "smobriety" in NicA (nicotine is by far my primary addiction). Once I stopped smoking, all hell broke lose emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Suddenly, I was stuck with myself and my life without an escape hatch. Basically, I discovered I didn't have any boundaries - not even with myself! I didn't know how to handle life, how to decide what's right for me, how to handle conflict, how to handle problems, how to do relationships. Because I was willing to go to any lengths to maintain my recovery, I knew I needed to address these issues.
Over the years, I'd been to a meeting or two of CoDA, Alanon, and ACA here and there, but never regularly, so I revisited all of them. This time however, I decided on ACA as my primary program (I go 2-3 times a week).
Here's the problem though - I really don't know which program(s) would be the best fit for me. I stopped going to NicA because it's a very soft & casual program (unlike AA, NA, etc) & I needed emotional sobriety. My experience so far:
My self-esteem issues, isolation, anxiety, sense of brokenness, "hole in the soul" is why I attend ACA - to recover ME, my inner child, my wholeness.
But, I'm having trouble with dealing with people: setting boundaries, determining what's acceptable behavior in others and what's not, etc., thus I feel like I also need either Al-Anon, or CoDA (not sure which - as far as I can tell, the major difference is in Al-Anon, you learn to focus on yourself and taking care of yourself & setting boundaries - i.e. protecting and nourishing yourself; whereas in CoDA, it's about learning how not to depend on others for your well-being, and learning to focus on yourself rather than trying to control others. If this is accurate, I qualify more for Al-Anon, even though I don't currently have an active alcoholic in my life).
I'm also having trouble with "under-being" - sexual/relationship anorexia (I started attending SLAA for that), and underearning (looked into Underearners Anonymous but decided to put that off as a later option).
Now I'm starting to deal with flashbacks & severe PTSD from childhood sexual abuse that I don't even know the specifics of yet - so I recently went to a couple of SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) meetings.
I feel like my life is so overwhelming and unstable right now, that I need to concentrate on one, or two at the most, programs - because otherwise I won't be able to really make any progress in any of them.
Oh, I also qualify as "dual diagnosis", (bipolar disorder, adhd), if that's a factor to consider. After I quit smoking, sometimes the emotional stuff that was surfacing was so intense that I feared I'd start self-mutilating to relieve it (which I haven't done in 20 years).
Any suggestions? Thank you!!!!
I'm new to this message board.
I've been regularly attending ACA for over a year now, but I'm in a lot of confusion about my whole recovery process & would love some input.
I have 1.5 years "smobriety" in NicA (nicotine is by far my primary addiction). Once I stopped smoking, all hell broke lose emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Suddenly, I was stuck with myself and my life without an escape hatch. Basically, I discovered I didn't have any boundaries - not even with myself! I didn't know how to handle life, how to decide what's right for me, how to handle conflict, how to handle problems, how to do relationships. Because I was willing to go to any lengths to maintain my recovery, I knew I needed to address these issues.
Over the years, I'd been to a meeting or two of CoDA, Alanon, and ACA here and there, but never regularly, so I revisited all of them. This time however, I decided on ACA as my primary program (I go 2-3 times a week).
Here's the problem though - I really don't know which program(s) would be the best fit for me. I stopped going to NicA because it's a very soft & casual program (unlike AA, NA, etc) & I needed emotional sobriety. My experience so far:
My self-esteem issues, isolation, anxiety, sense of brokenness, "hole in the soul" is why I attend ACA - to recover ME, my inner child, my wholeness.
But, I'm having trouble with dealing with people: setting boundaries, determining what's acceptable behavior in others and what's not, etc., thus I feel like I also need either Al-Anon, or CoDA (not sure which - as far as I can tell, the major difference is in Al-Anon, you learn to focus on yourself and taking care of yourself & setting boundaries - i.e. protecting and nourishing yourself; whereas in CoDA, it's about learning how not to depend on others for your well-being, and learning to focus on yourself rather than trying to control others. If this is accurate, I qualify more for Al-Anon, even though I don't currently have an active alcoholic in my life).
I'm also having trouble with "under-being" - sexual/relationship anorexia (I started attending SLAA for that), and underearning (looked into Underearners Anonymous but decided to put that off as a later option).
Now I'm starting to deal with flashbacks & severe PTSD from childhood sexual abuse that I don't even know the specifics of yet - so I recently went to a couple of SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) meetings.
I feel like my life is so overwhelming and unstable right now, that I need to concentrate on one, or two at the most, programs - because otherwise I won't be able to really make any progress in any of them.
Oh, I also qualify as "dual diagnosis", (bipolar disorder, adhd), if that's a factor to consider. After I quit smoking, sometimes the emotional stuff that was surfacing was so intense that I feared I'd start self-mutilating to relieve it (which I haven't done in 20 years).
Any suggestions? Thank you!!!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 63
Welcome TwistedHipster,
My thought is to start with the one you resonate with the most and really work the program. Other than just meetings - get a sponsor - work the steps and start to develop your spiritual side. Dig deep in the program as much as you can and see where it takes you.
You might at the same time attend meetings from other programs. I primarily work the ACA program but attend al-anon meetings, a few OA meetings and I've tried CODA once and will likely check a few more meetings out. For me I was sold on ACA because the laundry list identifies isolation as the biggest program. And between isolation and the "compulsive self reliance" - I knew if I really worked on these issues alot of the other stuff would fall into place.
I really think it's a question of really squeezing everything you can and then deciding what areas need to be worked on and going forward as needed. I don't think there is a right/wrong answer.
I get the overwhelming feeling part. Deep breaths???
If DD is an issue I'd look at adding therapy to the mix. I have only mild depression - but with therapy and a spiritual adviser I feel like I have a team of people to help and support me.
Best wishes.
Vicki
My thought is to start with the one you resonate with the most and really work the program. Other than just meetings - get a sponsor - work the steps and start to develop your spiritual side. Dig deep in the program as much as you can and see where it takes you.
You might at the same time attend meetings from other programs. I primarily work the ACA program but attend al-anon meetings, a few OA meetings and I've tried CODA once and will likely check a few more meetings out. For me I was sold on ACA because the laundry list identifies isolation as the biggest program. And between isolation and the "compulsive self reliance" - I knew if I really worked on these issues alot of the other stuff would fall into place.
I really think it's a question of really squeezing everything you can and then deciding what areas need to be worked on and going forward as needed. I don't think there is a right/wrong answer.
I get the overwhelming feeling part. Deep breaths???
If DD is an issue I'd look at adding therapy to the mix. I have only mild depression - but with therapy and a spiritual adviser I feel like I have a team of people to help and support me.
Best wishes.
Vicki
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there TwistedHipster 
Over here on my side of the world those of us who belong to mulitple programs call ourselves "alphabet people". As in we have a whole alphabet of issues to deal with.
What works for me, as others have noted, is to focus on one program and use the others as "accesories". For many years that was ACA and a good therapist, later on I moved to SIA as my "primary" program ( although we call it ISA over here, same thing, different order of letters ), then I focused on AA stuff, and then I did a few year deep into al-anon.
I found that I could not deal with _all_ my issues at the same time, but focusing on each one in turn worked really well.
Mike
Over here on my side of the world those of us who belong to mulitple programs call ourselves "alphabet people". As in we have a whole alphabet of issues to deal with.
What works for me, as others have noted, is to focus on one program and use the others as "accesories". For many years that was ACA and a good therapist, later on I moved to SIA as my "primary" program ( although we call it ISA over here, same thing, different order of letters ), then I focused on AA stuff, and then I did a few year deep into al-anon.
I found that I could not deal with _all_ my issues at the same time, but focusing on each one in turn worked really well.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South Pacific
Posts: 171
Hi Twisted Hipster,
Welcome to this forum. My name is David and I am a proud member of Acronyms and Aphorisms Anonymous [AaAA].
Its one day at a time for me... in my part of the world we do not really have a recovery supermarket... just the basics- AA and Alanon.
I have been with Alanon for years. In recent years our own group have squeezed in others... for convenience, and because we people do have common issues. Besides that our groups, to function really do need members.
If I had a magic wand I would call AA 'addicts anonymous'. And have groups at the corners of every community.
ACA works well for me. It helps me catch up on the maturity milestones I missed out on through life. it helps me to embrace my own emotions, and it gives me healthy boundaries, where I get into and share the world of other people in a trusting fulfilling way.
best of luck on your journey...
DavidG
Welcome to this forum. My name is David and I am a proud member of Acronyms and Aphorisms Anonymous [AaAA].
Its one day at a time for me... in my part of the world we do not really have a recovery supermarket... just the basics- AA and Alanon.
I have been with Alanon for years. In recent years our own group have squeezed in others... for convenience, and because we people do have common issues. Besides that our groups, to function really do need members.
If I had a magic wand I would call AA 'addicts anonymous'. And have groups at the corners of every community.
ACA works well for me. It helps me catch up on the maturity milestones I missed out on through life. it helps me to embrace my own emotions, and it gives me healthy boundaries, where I get into and share the world of other people in a trusting fulfilling way.
best of luck on your journey...
DavidG
mydee
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Manila
Posts: 22
Hi Twisted Hipster,
Welcome, I'm new to this as well and belong to AA and NA but if there was ACA where I am, I'm sure I would be there too.
All I know is that in becoming sober; even from cigarettes, just letting go of that thing that has been by your side is tough so kudos to you for doing what you are doing. As some have mentioned, it's a day at a time and I think you go to the fellowship that best suits you, what was the one that spoke to your heart.
I hope that helps, know that we are all here for each other and you.
Welcome, I'm new to this as well and belong to AA and NA but if there was ACA where I am, I'm sure I would be there too.
All I know is that in becoming sober; even from cigarettes, just letting go of that thing that has been by your side is tough so kudos to you for doing what you are doing. As some have mentioned, it's a day at a time and I think you go to the fellowship that best suits you, what was the one that spoke to your heart.
I hope that helps, know that we are all here for each other and you.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
