caittycait

So my father has been an alcoholic all of my life and within the past year entered a rehab facility following his 2nd DWI. A year before entering rehab he began dating this woman and our relationship became strained. It is now to the point where we have not spoken in 9 months. We will both be attending a family wedding this weekend and just kind of reaching out for support. I've been told my aunt (his sister who is also a recovering alcoholic) that I should not expect anything from him the year following his recovery. Is this a common thing? I don't recognize the man I knew. I know that alcohol alters your personality but this man was a loving kind caring person and now he is just a robot with no emotions.

Kialua

Welcome caittycat. I'm glad your dad is in recovery, sorry you don't have a good relationship with him yet. You didn't say how long he had been drinking, but if he is anything like my father was, it could have been a lifetime. When one abuses alcohol they stint their emotional growth and stay at the emotional age they were when they started drinking. He may be just now discovering who he really is and trying to figure out how to grow. The wedding might be stressful for him if there is alcohol there. I guess I wouldn't expect too much from him right now, and especially at a wedding. Let it slide and have as good of a time with others that you possibly can. Keep us posted how it goes.

Have you read any of the 'stickies' posted above? They are really helpful and I would invite you to browse.

caittycait

My father has been an alcoholic since he was 18 and he is now 50 and I've heard the information about the stunt of emotional growth once they start drinking but what confuses me is before his recovery he was so loving and caring. He never raised his voice and would often get so emotional he would cry. Ever since he has tried to quit drinkning (he quit for months and relapsed then he went to rehab) he has turned into a robot where I see no emotions and just complete emptiness when I look into his eyes. It is a terrifying thought to think that this is who he really is and the personality I knew while he was an alcoholic was just a faccade.

Kialua

I see. Yes he is sorting out just who he is and he is probably not very happy with who he was and what he went through. It would be shocking to be 50 sober in an 18 year old's mind. Maybe the reason he was so emotional before was because he didn't know how to handle his emotions as an adult. My dad used to do that. I hated it. I didn't like his emotional cryings personally but if that is the person you knew it's hard.

You might have to get to know him all over again. Go slow. You do have a lot of time to reconnect. It's hard to say how this journey will affect him and how smooth or hard it's going to be. But the more you educate yourself about it the better it will be for you.

Don't press him too hard to be who he used to be, that person was an alcoholic. You have a new normal now and it's going to take time.

Mracoa

If he is depressed and stuffing his emotions it could be that he is feeling a lot of things. Most likely very overwelmed and not sure how to deal with it.

Or did they start him on anti depressents? That could explain the robot like behavior too. He will go through another phase of changes when they start weaning him off those.

caittycait

Can't tell if this is coincidence or faith showing me I'm taking a step in the right direction but after joining this site last night and my father and I not speaking for 9 months he texted me today. Simply said, "I love you". That's all I needed.

Kialua

Wow, that's so wonderful. Yes go slow. He is fighting his way on his journey. I'm so happy for you!

I still would suggest our stickies posted above. He may take it back in the future and then where will you be?

My alcoholic Dad told each one of my siblings that he loved them and was sorry in his lock up treatment. Then he turned to me, his fifth of six children, and said, "I don't love you and I'm glad I beat you, you are a liar and everything that has happened to me it your fault!" His group was not happy and made him stop, he did re write the letter he was reading to me and it was very nice. But I didn't get upset, I knew that his blame was not merited and that he had a long way to go.

Mracoa

Glad to hear you got some affirmation. It always helps to hear it.