Payne

I'm codependent and an acoa to the core. I have spent the last few years being .honest about my feelings and learning to forgive those around me for my childhood. Most recently I forgave my AM and then spoke to her knowing that I didn't fully care what she responded, only that I wanted to say it. She has been on her own path of recovery and it went very well.
Today I want to forgive the person I have never forgiven. I want to write it down so I can remember what I forgave and why. I thought I may not be the only one with this problem so I thought I would share:
I forgive myself for being young and unable of removing myself from the pain of my childhood while it happened.
I forgive myself for not being able to help my family be what I wanted them to be and allow myself to love them for the good I can enjoy in them now, and allow myself to distance myself when they are not healthy.
I forgive myself for my explosions, self sabotage, harsh words and mistakes of my past. Without them I would not be where I am today. I would not know so thoroughly those around me who love me. I would not have gained strength from these experiences.
I forgive myself in advance for fall backs in my recovery, I will work to treat myself with kindness compassion and love I have never before allowed.
I forgive myself for not thinking I was good enough, it was what I had heard, but now its time for my own opinion.
I forgive myself for my chemical depression which I now have relatively in check.
I forgive myself for not being someone else, for not living up to others expectations, I will do my best to only live up to my own expectations which are to live a happy healthy life in which is to love and respect myself and others.
I forgive myself for my codependent habits, I grew up with people who asked for all of my time and energy and I now get to take time to find myself.
I forgive myself for not knowing who I am or what I enjoy, I release myself to find out, to mess up to try New things to make mistakes as long as I respect myself and those around me.
I forgive myself for not being perfect. No one does, we are all flawed. I will allow myself to surround myself eith people who love and respect me warts and all.
I forgive myself for denying the truth when a friend of twenty years was compulsively lying to me. And I release myself to trust my instincts and beliefs again, I forgive myself for.being blind. I release myself to trust again.
I forgive myself for the times I have been used and held onto the person.anyways.I release myself to do kind things for those I love but never to do more than I want to and never to sacrifice my own peace of mind to do so.
I forgive myself for being scared of relationships, experience and happiness. I will be kind patient and understanding but not lax when these fears arrive instead I will meet them head on.

I forgive myself for who I was, what I've done, what I've choosen.I forgive me and will choose to love and treat myself with all of the wonderful things in me. I will love me and give me time to heal without being bogged down by the past and guilt.


As a side note, while writing that, I began crying and continued until the end.there's a sense of lightness I've never had.