DavidG

This is the big one. My alcoholic father said I made things up. Because he was my father I sometimes believed him and doubted myself.

I have been in recovery for 30 years... the one big issue in my life I am still grappling with is the abuse of neglect. I would get out of a wet cold bed in the morning and return to this same bed at night. There were maybe family issues why i wet the bed. But I sunk into a deeper and deeper hole of despair when things went from bad the worse.

I plan to rise above this issue. For me it compared to physical abuse, and possibly also sexual abuse. It left me feeling deeply emasculated- without any power, or hope.

I sought help for myself over all of these years. I deeply needed someone to listen- to hear my cry. I needed people to believe me. And most of all I needed and still need people like myself. People I can have a kinship with. People who share the same norm.

I had to break out and start telling the truth about my family... in a way it may have cost me my family... but what sort of a family was it anyway?

My family, going forward is okay... one day at a time- kids and grandkids. Some worries there... but things are getting better.

all I have here is my own experience strength and hope...

...-DavidG.

Kialua

I understand the need to validate yourself and agree. But I do not feel the minors in your family need to know and carry your burden. That is what I did for myself. I never told my daughter about my life as an abused child until she was 18 and really put the dots together and kept asking. I told her little by little and not more than she needed to fill in some blanks. It's not her burden and she doesn't need it. My parents are deceased now and it doesn't matter any longer. At first she turned it against me, that's why I was so mean, wouldn't let her stay out late, etc. Really childish and I waited it out and it leveled out.

As far as siblings and other relatives, I have no contact and never have. With minor exceptions of occasional weddings and funerals which I briefly attend. If you have read some of my blog it says how a couple sibs blame me as a child for getting beat. But exactly what you said, who needs that kind of a family anyway. Take care and love your own family.

DavidG

Yes, Kialua, I agree about burdening younger generations with past issues- unless it somehow comes up.

A few years ago I had two brothers come on an on line forum- to tell me that our dad was not ill- and essentially what happened to me was my fault.

I think there is a balance here. Recently I made contact with a younger neice who has chosen the same path as me. It was good to share this journey...

thanks Kialua :>)

NWGRITS

I will eventually need to explain their grandmother's disease to my kids, but that's not something we're going to deal with right now. They're 7 and 4 and not really capable of understanding much beyond "Mimi's sick." Other than that, there's no need for me to say anything to anyone else. Of course, there isn't a younger generation outside of my children, so it's not really an issue. But yeah, I have time to put together a concise, accurate, non-judgmental explanation for them. I just hope that they'll get to see her sober at some point in their lifetime. So far I haven't seen it in mine.

EveningRose

My father said the exact same thing. "None of it ever happened. You imagined it all."

For me, when it comes to telling my kids anything, I figure this is what I'm up against, that they will hear from other sources that I'm just crazy and imagining things. My mother has told people at my church that I do.

Kialua

David I have a sibling that says it was all our fault for my af beating us. Won't talk about and says to get over it. And another sibling that says it never happened. So I do understand. I just don't have anything to do with them by my choice.

NWGRITS

My only sibling who was actively involved in our core family (my 3 half-brothers were lucky) is bipolar with a bunch of other fun things, and she's as much an enabler as anyone. She'll be the first one pointing fingers at me for causing it, and ranting and raving that AM needs to go to rehab... But then she also buys AM drinks whenever the alcoholism gets in the way of her own good time. So, nobody denies it happens outside of AM's delusions, but they aren't exactly helping matters, either.