SaTiT

okay there, i bribe myself to post my AA/NA birthday, becuase
today is the day and i wasn't planing on saying anything..lol

Wascally Wabbit

Happy NA/AA Birthday SaTiT!!!
This is one thing you don't put off any more!
Hooray for you.
God bless and keep you my friend!

GingerM

Major kudos to you SaTiT! congrats on staying clean! I always forget mine on the day of, but remember it at other points throughout the year.

SaTiT

okay...this is totally wierd for me.
My father actaully went out of his way to help me.
i don't really know how to handle this either.

GingerM

To help you with what SaTiT?

And I think there's a recent thread here on not being able to accept compliments/nice things people do for us. Maybe that might have something useful in it for you?

SaTiT

He helped me with what's is on the very top of my things to
do list. He didn't critizised me, which totally blew me away.

Oh no..i don't take compliment very well. That's a given.

I'm going through some wierd living situations.
I think I'm numbing out.

I had to move back in with my parents again, which is totally screwie.

I've been in a relationship with an alcoholic for over a decade and the past
5 years had been a living hell. it's like I've gone through hell and back.
live through all of the BS with her. She's clean and sober ,now.
But then she tell's me she can't love me like I needed to be love.
Well, that's screwie as hell becuase when I started dating other women,
she had to go and mess that all up. Obviouly, she wasn't loving me like
I needed to be love, but she swears up and down then went to great
length to let the other women knows that i belone to her and that this
relationship was for a long hual.

The way she's going about it(now), is as if i did something wrong.
I never pressure her or demanded anything from her ever since she got
sober. i don't really know to porcess it anymore.

you know what it feels like..it feels like the moment when i came home
and found out that mother had abadon me as a child.

i know abandonment issues effects me a lot and i probably went to
great length to stay in unhealthy relationhips to not have to feel like
that again.

well..I feel like that again. And I can't really think too straight about
anything or wanna do anything again. Not after all my gf and gone
through. i feel like someone took life out of me. So i'm not even sure if
I'm numbing out or I just don't feel or care anymore.

I've been triming tree. I'm just cutting away.
my mother caught me cutting branches in the dark today and was wondering wtf?
Nothing makes sense to me anymore.

I don't know..I'm thinking maybe if i cut through all of this jungle
in my life, somehow I'll make it through or see daylight.

SaTiT

I think the reason I have a hard time taking compliments
is i get the mix signal. mmm i get critizised at the sametime.
it confuses the heck out of me.

I think it's pretty much the same with love and pain
it gets all immesh. i recieved both signals at the sametime.
It dosn't make feel very good and it totally confuses me
After years of it, I reacted to it the sameway.

just like yesterday, my gf wanted to hold my hand and tells
me that she loves me, but yet she abandanted me...wtf ???
so I pulled away. Becuase it trigger something simular.
Just like my ex-wife telling me that she
would always love me no matter what happens and file for a
divorce in the same sentance....it confuses the crap out of me.

I think that's why i have a hard time making decisions in my life.

Wascally Wabbit

Oh, SaTiT, It's great that he did what ever it was. Be thankful. I know that my mom, really is a good person. She does some very nice things for me too. I think sometimes I forget to look at that side of her when I get so freaked out about something she's doing that drives me nuts.
I gripe about her, but I love her so very much.

If he's doing something out of the way, is he trying to gain your love or attention, to prove to you he loves you in the only way he knows how? Accept it with love.
Take care my friend.

SaTiT

okay, i just done talking to my father.
we have something in common to talk about.
we talked about music..that's was cool. the apple didn't fall that far from
the tree i guess.
His band is getting more gigs. So his was in a good mood.

I'm glad he didn't mention anything about me messing with his guitars
when i was a kid, because i would change the settings on it.

Now that I'm older and have my own gutiars. i don't like it when others
play my guitars or even touch it without my permission.lol

I couldn't help it..there's music instruments and guitar all over the house,
so i eventaully pick up the guitar as a kid becuase it was cool becuase
my dad playing it...

well, there was alcohol all over the house too...and i pick up on that too.