aleks035

Life is steady right know but theres still that person inside me that won't let me go. I so badly want to open up, I want to be me, but I have never been me before. My hole life I have been trapped and have had to fake my life, myself, everything down to what my favorite things were. I have never owned my own personality. I think I might have that chance know, I just don't know how to be free. My AH has continued to stop drinking and hasn't had a sip, although my father is still married to the drink along with my mother. My mom calls me sad all the time and I don't know what to say, I never have. I got to leave. My fathers a good man and for the most part he controls it to the point where you wouldn't know. Although behind closed doors he can be free to express it. Back to the freedom part, I am insicure about every step I take, I have always had to make plans during or before an act, whethere it was going to the bathroom or a back up plan to get out of something. I have a family and a husband and I want to get closer comfortably to all of them. I know Al-anon can help, but this is my only access right know, I work and have three kids and my husband works and we lack babysitters so any advice here will help in the mean time. Thanks, Aleks035 How do I let go of my past where I live in a cave?

GingerM

You never let go of your past. You accept it as part of who you are. That acceptance is what gets you through it. Once you accept yourself for who you are, with all your flaws and all your issues, then you can decide what you want to keep as part of you and what you want to change.

Fighting it means you continue to be engaged with it. Stop fighting. Sit with yourself in that horribly uncomfortable spot until it no longer makes you uncomfortable to be inside your own skin. Only then will clarity come, and with that clarity, the ability to change.

I wish I could pull you inside my head so you could feel what I'm trying to say, I'm not wording it very well. Maybe someone else here can find better words.

Ginger

misstiger

Oh Ginger... This is so true and was sooo hard for me to do and I'm actually still working on it! But it's getting better each day!

cali

misstiger
just want to say hi and you are not alone-
Thank you Ginger that was fantastic

ICU

I think you explained it very well Ginger, and I totally agree with you. That's how it was for me.

Alek,

You've got half the battle licked, and that is the 'awareness' part of it. Until the time you can find your way to an Alanon mtg. there are books that you can read that have helped me more than I can ever say....

Co-Dependent No More....Beyond Co-dependency...The Language of Letting Go...all by Melody Beattie.

I have found these books to be very helpful in helping me learn to be 'me', warts and all!

katie6

Me too. I could have written that same stuff. I asked my husband the other day if he thought he truly knew who I was and he said yes. I wish I knew too.

GingerM

Sometimes those on the outside looking in can see the forest, because there aren't all those nasty trees getting in the way for them.

My husband often says things that show me that in many ways, he knows me (or can see me) better than I know (or can see) myself. Once he points it out to me, I can see it then. I've come to rely on his opinions because I trust him and he's rarely off the mark.