Marie58

I was with my boyfriend for 6 years - 5 of which he was using and because he was so unstable, it is extremely difficult to talk about. He has a criminal past and didn’t work but was on disability and spend every penny on drugs. Then I would be harassed constantly to give him money throughput the month to feed his habit. He was very aggressive and many times I was just plain scared. He was living in an apartment that I had to put in my name since he could not get one on his own and many times I had to pay for most of that in addition to my own house I have with my kids as I would not gave him move in. This went on for five years and he finally went to a recovery program about nine months ago and I felt relief that maybe he could change this time and we could have a real relationship. In the past nine month he got very distant but we still talked daily and saw each other on the weekend. Recently he became even more distant and said he wanted a break but said he still loved me. About a week later I found out he was seeing someone in the recovery house and confronted him and he admitted it and became very cold and when I asked for answers as to how long this was going on he hung up and would not answer anything. I feel so used, abused, discarded and no closure. I think after getting off the drugs lies a very cold narcissist who cannot empathize. He is homeless, no money and not in the greatest health but was all too proud to discard me for someone in the recovery program who is much younger.

edoering

I’m so sorry for what brings you here.

I think you’ll see as you read around “rehab romances” are not uncommon. Though most step programs suggest against relationships (especially new) in the first year of recovery because the time period is so volatile. Just please know it’s not you.

He has been using for years, so he might not know who he is without drugs. He might not like who he is without drugs. Sometimes, addicts will turn towards all kinds of drastic life changes (moving, job change, relationship change) to fill the void left by not using drugs. It’s a long, unstable and complicated journey to sobriety/recovery.

In the meantime, what do you want for yourself? Your life sounds like it might be much better off without him?