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Old 03-04-2019, 12:07 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jan 2009
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My kid is changing, what do I say to her?

Thank you ahead of time for taking the time to post. I am 10 years sober in alcoholics anonymous, but my first year sober I spent on these forums . I didn't even know what a 12-step meeting was

I have also been attending Al-Anon since January, but I have yet to find a sponsor. My AA sponsor is about eight months into her steps of alanon so she's helpful

I come here today because just a few months ago my kid begin changing drastically. She's 31 years old and going through a nasty divorce. She lives about 3 hours away from me. She has 50% custody of my granddaughter who is 7
In her 20s she smoked a lot of pot, but when the divorce started the judge ordered that either parent could request the other to drug test so she stopped. She's been drug tested three times in the last year and tested clean all three times. I should mention the judge ordered this because there was an accusation by her husband that she was using cocaine
She and the baby were scheduled to come to my house for Christmas with the rest of the family. She canceled the night before saying that she had lice.
The lice complaints continued for a month, during which time she made several trips to urgent care. The doctors couldn't see anything. She lost her job because she didn't go to work for weeks because she thought she had bugs. During this time the new boyfriend moved in, he is also unemployed and has previous drug charges
We used to talk everyday, now three or four days goes by where she doesn't pick up her phone. And when she does she sounds different.

My question is what do I say to her? During the lice scare I sent her a link to information that recreational use of methamphetamine or cocaine could lead to delusions of parasites. I titled the text no judgement no accusation just information

She came up with a totally different reason why she had such an itchy scalp

I have invited her, the new boyfriend and the baby up to my place this weekend. I just want to know how I approached her. We have always been really really close. She is always been really comfortable hanging out with my recovery friends and attending speaker meetings with me. She also knows when she was young I abused methamphetamines and quit them without a program by switching to alcohol. We've always been pretty good about talking frankly.
I'm really scared though. I don't want to alienate her. I don't give her money, she doesn't ask. I think she is getting government help and probably breaking the law by having him live there. Six months ago she wouldn't have even considered moving a guy in with she and the baby during the divorce ugh.
I have read everything that I can find from nar-anon.
Hoping you have 12-step based experience strength and hope to offer me in whether I confront her and what to say if I do. Thank you
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Seren (03-10-2019)
Old 03-04-2019, 12:34 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm really sorry to read this.
I have no experience to share with this at all, but I know you'll get help here GF.

I'm glad you came back for help.

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Seren (03-10-2019)
Old 03-10-2019, 01:24 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi GF!!!!! It is good to see you, although I am so sorry to read about the reason you've come back to visit.

I think if she is in your house, you will be able to make a few observations that will help answer any questions you have about "is she or isn't she". Your example of getting help is going to be her best hope. If you observe "proof" in your presence, then it might be good to have a kind and non-judgmental talk with her. Unfortunately, she just may not be ready to hear it. You will all be in my prayers!
The ordinary acts we practice every day at home
are of more importance to the soul than their simplicity might suggest.
~ St. Thomas More
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Dee74 (03-10-2019)
Old 03-10-2019, 02:24 PM   #4 (permalink)

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I will pray for you as well but you have to remember the serenity prayer because she might not listen to what you have to say or what you will try to do to help her.
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