Topic discussion: facing reality
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Topic discussion: facing reality
Topic discussion: facing reality
As in many face-to-face Alanon meetings, please share only from your own experience, strength & hope. Please refrain from giving advice or directly quoting others in this thread.
Recovery readings regarding this topic are welcome.
As in many face-to-face Alanon meetings, please share only from your own experience, strength & hope. Please refrain from giving advice or directly quoting others in this thread.
Recovery readings regarding this topic are welcome.
July 9, Courage to Change
Life is a package deal. It is not enough to look at only the parts we like. It is necessary to face the whole picture so that we can make realistic choices for ourselves and stop setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn't go away just because it was ignored.
Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real. That's why sharing is such an important Alanon tool. When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality. While it may be difficult to face certain facts, when we allow ourselves to confront them, we cease to give our own denial the power to devastate us at every turn.
Today's reminder
I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." Henry David Thoreau
Life is a package deal. It is not enough to look at only the parts we like. It is necessary to face the whole picture so that we can make realistic choices for ourselves and stop setting ourselves up for disappointment.
Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minute to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn't go away just because it was ignored.
Our lives will remain unmanageable as long as we pretend that only half of the truth is real. That's why sharing is such an important Alanon tool. When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality. While it may be difficult to face certain facts, when we allow ourselves to confront them, we cease to give our own denial the power to devastate us at every turn.
Today's reminder
I can't cope with something unless I acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life.
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them." Henry David Thoreau
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
I've been wanting to post some topic discussions but for some strange reason it has seemed such a big thing, especially to post this online where it's concrete instead of fleeting. Then I realize, all my posts and in-person shares are that way; simply are reflections are where I am in a certain moment of this day.
Easy does it
One day at a time
Progress, not perfection
Today, with the help of the Serenity Prayer and my Higher Power, I'm learning to face the reality of daily life, and today especially, my current physical, mental and financial limitations. It's not as scary as it used to be, but it seems I'm still taking baby steps, and that's okay.
Physically, today, reality is that a Costco trip was beyond my capabilities.... so I asked for help at the store. I'm very grateful for learning how to reach out for help, and for being able to be grateful for it! So many times when I avoided reality, it seem I've also been ungrateful for those who were willing to help me.
Reality is, I spent more than I meant to. I don't regret my purchases, yet our finances still need a lot of attention and I've yet to sit down and do a full inventory on that. My husband wants to and I keep avoiding it.
Something to give to God. To be willing to face my financial reality, to be willing to openly talk with another person about it, and then openly talk with my husband about it. Facing the reality of it first, in a safe place, with God.
He's seen my through facing the reality of alcoholism in our lives, through facing reality of many other things, and through much healing.
It seems that healing doesn't start unless I first face the reality of where I am.
Baby steps. I called my credit card company and asked if there was anything I could do to get a lower rate. I did that last winter and was told no. Today they cut my interest rate by 1% and encouraged me to check again next month. That small bit of facing this seemingly big problem has me looking forward to working on my bills and changing my financial health.
Just for today, I will open my mind and heart to facing reality.
-------
footnote: since this is a different format than usual, please no suggestions or advice.
Easy does it
One day at a time
Progress, not perfection
Today, with the help of the Serenity Prayer and my Higher Power, I'm learning to face the reality of daily life, and today especially, my current physical, mental and financial limitations. It's not as scary as it used to be, but it seems I'm still taking baby steps, and that's okay.
Physically, today, reality is that a Costco trip was beyond my capabilities.... so I asked for help at the store. I'm very grateful for learning how to reach out for help, and for being able to be grateful for it! So many times when I avoided reality, it seem I've also been ungrateful for those who were willing to help me.
Reality is, I spent more than I meant to. I don't regret my purchases, yet our finances still need a lot of attention and I've yet to sit down and do a full inventory on that. My husband wants to and I keep avoiding it.
Something to give to God. To be willing to face my financial reality, to be willing to openly talk with another person about it, and then openly talk with my husband about it. Facing the reality of it first, in a safe place, with God.
He's seen my through facing the reality of alcoholism in our lives, through facing reality of many other things, and through much healing.
It seems that healing doesn't start unless I first face the reality of where I am.
Baby steps. I called my credit card company and asked if there was anything I could do to get a lower rate. I did that last winter and was told no. Today they cut my interest rate by 1% and encouraged me to check again next month. That small bit of facing this seemingly big problem has me looking forward to working on my bills and changing my financial health.
Just for today, I will open my mind and heart to facing reality.
-------
footnote: since this is a different format than usual, please no suggestions or advice.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 11
Thanks
Thanks for your post. I am new to al-anon and have never read anything like what you posted about how living with alcoholics is like having reality ever change and we become accustomed to trying to only grasp the pieces of reality that suite us. I'm dealing with that feeling this morning... One of those "morning afters" and I missed the only al-anon meeting in my area that is hosted today, so thanks for this post. It helped me today. I am not alone. What I am experiencing is normal. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
my former (and now deceased) AA sponsor hammered into my head - IT IS WHAT IT IS, ISN'T IT?
not what i think, or what i wish, or even what i remember, but what is NOW. that isn't always a pretty picture......but there is also much of today that is full of beauty and peace.....there is the world inside my head and the world outside my door. my job is to stay more in the world outside my door and less in the one in my head. it gets really messy and confusing in there!
not what i think, or what i wish, or even what i remember, but what is NOW. that isn't always a pretty picture......but there is also much of today that is full of beauty and peace.....there is the world inside my head and the world outside my door. my job is to stay more in the world outside my door and less in the one in my head. it gets really messy and confusing in there!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I couldn't cope with reality until I recognized what it was. Through recovery and my meetings and the guidance of my sponsor, I discovered that thinking I could change anyone else besides myself was an illusion, a very sick illusion that kept me hooked on trying to save/rescue/change my son.
I was afraid to face the reality that my son might die, of the drugs or the life that addiction had taken him to.
Step 2 was where I came to believe that I could be restored to sanity, and it took a long time before I really BELIEVED it. It was also where I found relief that this program was about me getting well, and when I realized just how bad I had let myself go.
In time I found that facing reality was far less scary than the world of fear I had been living in. Reality, to me, now meant that I could take good care of myself and find beauty in every day...regardless of how my son was doing.
Facing reality was the turning point where I stopped living in the problem...my son's addiction...and began living in the solution...finding my own path in life and never selling my soul to addiction again.
Hugs
I was afraid to face the reality that my son might die, of the drugs or the life that addiction had taken him to.
Step 2 was where I came to believe that I could be restored to sanity, and it took a long time before I really BELIEVED it. It was also where I found relief that this program was about me getting well, and when I realized just how bad I had let myself go.
In time I found that facing reality was far less scary than the world of fear I had been living in. Reality, to me, now meant that I could take good care of myself and find beauty in every day...regardless of how my son was doing.
Facing reality was the turning point where I stopped living in the problem...my son's addiction...and began living in the solution...finding my own path in life and never selling my soul to addiction again.
Hugs
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