CodeJob

I have been making steady headway on my Step 4. I made a condensed list of my fears. They are accurate even though some are truly irrational when you see them on paper. So now I am supposed to journal why I have these fears. I have no idea.

How the heck am I supposed to know? Is this all buried with my anger?

sugarbear1

What did your sponsor say?

mattmathews

Self discovery takes time and patience. It's OK (and it's important) to be gentle with yourself, and if you don't know the answer today, you can come back to it tomorrow, or next month or next year. The question will still be waiting there for you. If you're struggling to find an answer, relax, move on to something else, give it time, try prayer and meditation.

"No matter where you go--there you are."--Confuscious

CodeJob

Hi Sugarbear & Matt,

Thanks for your responses. I did move on to another section of my Step 4. I am seeing my counselor this week and I plan to talk about my fears in that setting initially. I think my concern is mostly about the blank spots in my head. There is just a wall when I try to reflect on my fears. It is unnerving. I have been meditating but other than calming me down, I have not had any amazing insights.

As for my sponsor, well I just connected with one last night thanks to my HP. My HP picked well and I am thankful I did not try to force anything.

AnvilheadII

can you take ONE fear off your list and think about just it for a while? sort of run the movie of your life in reverse and try to see if you can find other times that fear was present?

also just in my humble opinion, it's ok to not have all the answers RIGHT NOW. see it as future fourth step material!

CodeJob

Thanks Anvilhead! I think I am working on this as you suggested! THanks for responding!

sugarbear1

It was suggested to me to write a paragraph or two on my fears, one at a time. I didn't read it until the next day--what an eye opener!

fbw

I remember being told " The good thing about the steps is you can do them over and over and over again" It helped me try not to worry about getting it all at once and instead just get what was true to me now - and then move forward. I found when I went back and did the steps a second time - I had healed enough to go deeper.

I now look forward to working through them again a third time.

CodeJob

Basis of Fears Update:
Last Saturday I wrote on my fears In a flurry. I read it a few days later and though closer evocation of my feelings of fears, it was not the core reason WHY. Patience...yeah yeah..

I seriously tripped out this past week with Al Anon, counseling, dealing with an audit, a passive aggressive coworker, and actually finally finding the thread back to my anger! I figured it out with a snap writing. Stone sober all of my fears have to do with being controlled by my family and the risk of ever being forced to be put in that situation ever again.

Funny how my mind was blocking that whatever goes wrong in my life, it can't be as bad as going back to the beginning. I am not really afraid of my qualifier at all!