My Husband is Missing... Pregnant
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,144
Originally Posted by Suza271 
Thank you all so much for your kind words. I've never posted on a message board before and gotten so many responses so quickly.
He has not been in touch.
But, because I do have access to his email and apparently he's using Uber (his license is suspended but thank God he's not driving) I was able to just track his movements that way while I went about my day. Apparently after his weekend bender he took himself to the ER. I called told they kept him for maybe 2 hours. I have no idea what happened. Then he went to a beach, a park near where his parents live (at that point I thought he was going home....It was about 5 blocks away). But around 4 he took an Uber to another park type area. I am really not sure I even want to speak to him and I'm damn sure not running after him this time. But, I guess this is a very small way I can know he's alive.
I get along wonderfully with his Dad....Who I spoke with earlier today. But unfortunately he's not the parent who lives down here. He's in Ohio and we're in Florida. His Mom does live down here and...although none of you know me I'm a very nice easy going person to be around....But for some reason his Mom sees me as a threat ? maybe. She's really still the only one who looks at this situation as something she can fix. He's her only son. She also has 3 daughters....two of which she has somehow turned against me. I'm telling you...these people are very hard to understand. Instead of directly calling me today she freaked out when I texted he went to the ER and had her daughter and his Dad call me. Both live 1,000 miles away.
We only got married a year and a half ago (been together 3). So I actually never took his name, we don't have any assets or bank accounts together. Do you think that's enough? Already he's accrued yet another bill from the ER he has no health insurance.
Also.... Because I'm not yet to the "safe" point of my pregnancy we haven't told anyone (I actually told a friend at work but she has no idea about this). I was so looking forward to telling my family and his in a happy way. Also, his family spreads news and secrets like wildfire. Any advice on this? I'll be 7w tomorrow. My first real OB appointment isn't until next week.
It's so very frustrating because I never expected this to become my life. Really I wasn't a big fan of moving to FL (I think my parents moved here because we did). Prior to this we were looking at buying a manufactured home (trailer). Now I keep thinking my future will be 1) a single mom living in a trailer in Florida making $25k 2) living with an alcoholic husband in a trailer with a newborn 3) living with my parents until I'm 40 or inherit the house altogether. I know this is a bleak way of thinking but it's hard to not feel stuck. I have a college degree in theatre design and up until my addiction took hold I was living on my own in Washington DC. Because of my criminal background it was very difficult to get a job. But I'm definitely grateful for the one I have now.
I want to help people with addiction or criminal issues so I am currently finishing my paralegal certificate I started 4 years ago. I'm hoping maybe it can get me a better paying job and something I'm passionate about (saying to someone...Look I know where you are. I've been there but if I can get sober and turn my life around so can you).
Sorry this has gotten drastically off topic. I guess I just wanted to give you all a better picture of who I am.
Thanks again for your advice and support. I'm glad (?) to hear I'm not the only one who has faced this behavior. I'm constantly scared of a miscarriage or that I've damaged my baby with the medication I'm on for depression and anxiety. I'm really looking forward to getting some answers next week. Just like everything else though I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
He has not been in touch.
But, because I do have access to his email and apparently he's using Uber (his license is suspended but thank God he's not driving) I was able to just track his movements that way while I went about my day. Apparently after his weekend bender he took himself to the ER. I called told they kept him for maybe 2 hours. I have no idea what happened. Then he went to a beach, a park near where his parents live (at that point I thought he was going home....It was about 5 blocks away). But around 4 he took an Uber to another park type area. I am really not sure I even want to speak to him and I'm damn sure not running after him this time. But, I guess this is a very small way I can know he's alive.
I get along wonderfully with his Dad....Who I spoke with earlier today. But unfortunately he's not the parent who lives down here. He's in Ohio and we're in Florida. His Mom does live down here and...although none of you know me I'm a very nice easy going person to be around....But for some reason his Mom sees me as a threat ? maybe. She's really still the only one who looks at this situation as something she can fix. He's her only son. She also has 3 daughters....two of which she has somehow turned against me. I'm telling you...these people are very hard to understand. Instead of directly calling me today she freaked out when I texted he went to the ER and had her daughter and his Dad call me. Both live 1,000 miles away.
We only got married a year and a half ago (been together 3). So I actually never took his name, we don't have any assets or bank accounts together. Do you think that's enough? Already he's accrued yet another bill from the ER he has no health insurance.
Also.... Because I'm not yet to the "safe" point of my pregnancy we haven't told anyone (I actually told a friend at work but she has no idea about this). I was so looking forward to telling my family and his in a happy way. Also, his family spreads news and secrets like wildfire. Any advice on this? I'll be 7w tomorrow. My first real OB appointment isn't until next week.
It's so very frustrating because I never expected this to become my life. Really I wasn't a big fan of moving to FL (I think my parents moved here because we did). Prior to this we were looking at buying a manufactured home (trailer). Now I keep thinking my future will be 1) a single mom living in a trailer in Florida making $25k 2) living with an alcoholic husband in a trailer with a newborn 3) living with my parents until I'm 40 or inherit the house altogether. I know this is a bleak way of thinking but it's hard to not feel stuck. I have a college degree in theatre design and up until my addiction took hold I was living on my own in Washington DC. Because of my criminal background it was very difficult to get a job. But I'm definitely grateful for the one I have now.
I want to help people with addiction or criminal issues so I am currently finishing my paralegal certificate I started 4 years ago. I'm hoping maybe it can get me a better paying job and something I'm passionate about (saying to someone...Look I know where you are. I've been there but if I can get sober and turn my life around so can you).
Sorry this has gotten drastically off topic. I guess I just wanted to give you all a better picture of who I am.
Thanks again for your advice and support. I'm glad (?) to hear I'm not the only one who has faced this behavior. I'm constantly scared of a miscarriage or that I've damaged my baby with the medication I'm on for depression and anxiety. I'm really looking forward to getting some answers next week. Just like everything else though I'm trying to take it one day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,874
((((Suza)))). I am from the alcoholism side of SR so I don't feel right giving you advice.
My hope is that you will make yourself and your little-one-to-be your top priorities.
You are smart, educated, and employed. You absolutely can create a good and rewarding life for yourself and your baby (a life that does not involve dealing with an addict who does not want or make sobriety his top priority by immersing himself into recovery). As an alcoholic I can say that, unless I made sobriety and recovery my top priority, I would not have succeeded.
Wishing you and your baby the very best, Suza.
My hope is that you will make yourself and your little-one-to-be your top priorities.
You are smart, educated, and employed. You absolutely can create a good and rewarding life for yourself and your baby (a life that does not involve dealing with an addict who does not want or make sobriety his top priority by immersing himself into recovery). As an alcoholic I can say that, unless I made sobriety and recovery my top priority, I would not have succeeded.
Wishing you and your baby the very best, Suza.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Suza271
We only got married a year and a half ago (been together 3). So I actually never took his name, we don't have any assets or bank accounts together. Do you think that's enough? Already he's accrued yet another bill from the ER he has no health insurance.
You might want to wait another few weeks to announce your pregnancy--get through the first trimester, first.
It sounds like you actually have a lot going for you. It may be tough for a while, if you divorce, but you can come back from this. You may FEEL stuck, but you really aren't. Many people have done the single-parent thing and make out just fine. It's a heck of a lot less expensive and less work than having the chaos of living with active alcoholism to boot.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
Another mom to be here, with a bad inlaw situation, and I havent told my family about the pregnancy or my husbands relapse yet.
We can start a club.
Seriously though, take care of yourself and the baby. I know its really hard to be stressed, anxious, confused and yet still try to sleep enough, eat well, and think of self care. But we have to do it.
We can start a club.
Seriously though, take care of yourself and the baby. I know its really hard to be stressed, anxious, confused and yet still try to sleep enough, eat well, and think of self care. But we have to do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: where the streets have no name
Posts: 1,078
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
Welcome to SR, Suza. I am so very sorry for what brings you here.
Prayers for all of you.
Prayers for all of you.
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