Lost1070

I quit drinking on October 14th. I thought I could do it this time. I bought a bottle of wine this afternoon and will finish it before I sleep. I will stop again after that but how do I stop starting and stopping. I'm frustrated and tired of myself. I
Feel I have no right to ask
For help As I obviously have no willpower at all. The threads I have read have inspired me and yet i still
Screw up. I just needed to share. Thanks.

Coldfusion

It sounds as if you think you might be able to quit. Why not prove something to yourself, and dump out the rest of the wine?

Maudcat

Seems like you would like to have your life free of alcohol. Helps to have a plan and a program. Doesn't matter what it is. Therapy, AA, SMART, a sober friend. There are "stickies" at the top of the main menu that contain good, practical info. You could start there, if you haven't yet. Peace.

SoberLifeForMe

I'd answer, but I don't have it figured out yet, either. I just completed my fourth Day 1 since September 7. But please, don't stop coming here and don't stop asking for help.

I find when I take breaks from SR, that's when I start to make plans for a relapse. Obviously, I can't spend all day, everyday on here, but I think it's important, especially early on, to invest some time reading and contributing here, as you can.

I hope your next Day 1 is your last.

Lost1070

The wine is gone. That is a good thing. Just bought a small bottle this time. Normally I buy a 4ltr box so I can still have some early morning and go Back to sleep. That is a bit embarrassing but it is my favorite time to drink. Early AM while it is still dark and really quiet out. No idea why. Anyway, no more alcohol in the house and an appointment to for qualify day program rehab on Monday. Counseling and emotional help. Scary but worth it I think. Thanks
For listening.

Maudcat

I understand about the quiet, dark part. That was my favorite time as well. Good luck going forward and keep coming back to SR.

Lost1070

Dear sober life for me
Your words "making plans for relapse" hit home. Why do I notmake plans for sobriety instead of relapse. I started thinking about my relapse 2 days ago. Stupid. Why not put that effort into recovery instead of relapse. Why on earth would one plan for relapse. I am the epitome of my "stage name" tonight. LOST. And frustrated. There is nothing logical about the way i treat my body. And I am a relatively logical Person. Going to sleep on it. Will check back in tomorrow. Thank you for support.

Maudcat

You are on the right track. It's a process. Keep going.

SoberLifeForMe

I've definitely made plans for relapse. I romanticize what I think it should feel like and bury what it really does feel like, even though I know very well how much I hate the anxiety and other effects of withdrawal. Let's both plan for sobriety instead of planning for relapse.

entropy1964

Its insane isn't it? I like drinking in the morning too. That's when I get my strongest, most 'visceral' cravings. It's the time I feel 'closest' to booze. Yikes. Its frightening to post that.

If willpower alone could keep me sober, I'd have been sober long ago.

Stick around. Read.

BrendaChenowyth

This was my thinking, too... that if I could do it with sheer willpower, why then I would not be an addict, now would I? I will drink, because I am addicted.

The physical act of drinking is voluntary. I choose to do it. It doesn't choose me, it doesn't pour itself down my throat. But if I believe that I have no control over it, I have given up control. I have control. It's my two hands and two feet that drive me to the liquor store, bring it back and proceed to drink what I have bought.

I need support to figure out what in my life and in my heart needs fixing so that I don't have to live in the shackles of an addiction.

I know now that the alcohol isn't the enemy, it's me. The form my addiction took could have been anything, cocaine, opiates, sex, gambling... It happens to be alcohol, and because of our history, me and alcohol have broken up. We are never, ever, EVER getting back together.

But no one will stop me from running back to it. That's on me.

Dee74

I had to train myself to reach out and ask for help before I bought that new bottle.

I also had to have a recovery plan - a plan that detailed how I would stay sober...what I would do if I found myself in trouble, what my support was etc... and I had to work at it, even when I wasn't craving...

with no plan I was just continually being blindsided by cravings with no idea of what else to do but drink?

this is a great start to the idea of making a plan...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html

D

.

LadyBlue0527

Lost1070, you have every right to ask! Glad that you're here. This is the best way to learn, by asking others that have been through the same. All of us have been there.

If we all just said "I'm done" and that was it then there would be no need for SoberRecovery. You are not alone, this board is a saving grace and a wealth of information to help you.

I think what you're asking about was actually the hardest thing for me. Getting through that first craving after the resolve to quit had lessened. It's easy to make the commitment the morning after when you're hung over, or even for a few days depending on how bad the event was that led you to make the decision to quit. Then, it eventually arrives. The thought of drinking. All the things that were once so bad all of a sudden seem like a snap judgement. Then you begin to reason with yourself, it wasn't really all THAT bad. Or, it goes the other way where you get angry at yourself and hate yourself annnnd, if you hate yourself anyway you might as well drink right? I mean, who cares? One last time! All of those things are the AV (addictive voice) talking. We all have heard it and we all have had to deal with it.

Hope you're not feeling so alone now

Unfortunately, there is no way around this. It's going to happen. The good news is there's lots that you can do that will make that time bearable. I knew my hardest time was on Saturday afternoons. Although I could drink anytime that's when I knew the AV was going to scream. So, I'd preplan doing something where there was no way I could drink. Coming here to post and admit that you're having difficulty is huge. Lots of people here to talk you through.

It gets easier. But, you're going to have to make yourself get through that first time of wanting it and not having it to realize that you CAN do this! You really can. Once you get past it and come to the realization that it does pass it will get easier each time you do it.

Also, here's a link for Urge Surfing that's highly helpful.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Remember, you CAN do this. Plan ahead so when the time comes you're prepared!

Sober'sBest

For me, CLARITY works best:

1. Why torture myself if I've DECIDED TO QUIT?

2. FULLY PURSUE HAPPINESS ELSEWHERE.

3. FIND A GOOD LIFE, every day further from devastating false
euphoria.

4. FREE PEACE

Mountainmanbob

Many including myself will say that was the starting point.

Step 1 of the Six Steps -- Complete Deflation.

I was like a deflated balloon laying flat on the floor.

The mountain to a normal sober life was a tall one.

Keeping the plug in the jug one day at a time helped me to conquer.

Good luck, M-Bob