Hospital Again!
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Inglind
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Going to my oasis of calm tomorrow. Can't get there much these days as although its only 10 miles away, the busfare is beyond my means to go as much as I want. Bloody flippin heck, the bloody picture won't do what I want it to do!!!
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It's Durham Catherdral Berry, and the castle (built to keep the wee Scots out) is right up next to on the river bank, but the castle isn't in the picture.
It's gorgeous in the summer, especially really early mornings.
It's gorgeous in the summer, especially really early mornings.
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Berry, when I lived in London I could get back to the NE on the train for anything from £5 to £19...just book at least 6 weeks ahead, and sign up with Red Spotted Hanky, they send all the cheap deals and special offers to you.
It was cheaper than the national express! But thats if you have time to book weeks and weeks ahead, and off peak times and you have to get yourself to Kings Cross station.
Durham riverbank is not so good in the winter, its closed sometimes because of flooding and rock slides..but can't be beat in the summer.
Durham has hosted the lumiere the last 2 years.
2014 was pics in lights, of images of the cathedral through the ages.
And last year was, the creation of the universe, complete with the big bang and formation of the solar system
It was cheaper than the national express! But thats if you have time to book weeks and weeks ahead, and off peak times and you have to get yourself to Kings Cross station.
Durham riverbank is not so good in the winter, its closed sometimes because of flooding and rock slides..but can't be beat in the summer.
Durham has hosted the lumiere the last 2 years.
2014 was pics in lights, of images of the cathedral through the ages.
And last year was, the creation of the universe, complete with the big bang and formation of the solar system
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That's lovely. They did something similar in Cambridge a little while ago to celebrate the university's birthday. Thing is, where ut was you needed to be quite close to the building, and I don't think it as as effective as looking at it further away would have been (judging by those pics you put on of Durham).
Have registered with that site!
Ta for the tip. X
Have registered with that site!
Ta for the tip. X
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The architecture inside is breathtaking Berry and considering it was built in 1200 something amazing how they did it.
I like sitting on the opposite bank of the river under the weeping willows and imagining how many people have passed along those banks past the cathedral and castle in the last few hundred years, and how whatever it was they were going through, or worrying about, is gone now. Barely a blip on the radar of history.
Although I am not religious in the least, I do believe in a creative energy, and it was on the banks of the river there once I had a massive connection to that energy, mindblowing..literally!
I have tried to write about it before, but it's too complicated to explain.
It was when I was having psychotherapy. And being filled and connected to that energy, blew open all the blockages in my energy system. From suffering from OCD since I was 2, and depression and chronic anxiety from being 14, and finally being diagnosed with PTSD in my late 20s, since I had that experience, I haven't suffered with any of that again, over 20 years later still don't.
My therapist couldn't believe how I recovered so fully. But luckily when I told him about the experience, he didn't have me committed haha...he just couldn't understand the rapid change in me.
Although there was before that experience 2 years of a mind journey into the depths of hell.
Anyway, I am babbling haha
I like sitting on the opposite bank of the river under the weeping willows and imagining how many people have passed along those banks past the cathedral and castle in the last few hundred years, and how whatever it was they were going through, or worrying about, is gone now. Barely a blip on the radar of history.
Although I am not religious in the least, I do believe in a creative energy, and it was on the banks of the river there once I had a massive connection to that energy, mindblowing..literally!
I have tried to write about it before, but it's too complicated to explain.
It was when I was having psychotherapy. And being filled and connected to that energy, blew open all the blockages in my energy system. From suffering from OCD since I was 2, and depression and chronic anxiety from being 14, and finally being diagnosed with PTSD in my late 20s, since I had that experience, I haven't suffered with any of that again, over 20 years later still don't.
My therapist couldn't believe how I recovered so fully. But luckily when I told him about the experience, he didn't have me committed haha...he just couldn't understand the rapid change in me.
Although there was before that experience 2 years of a mind journey into the depths of hell.
Anyway, I am babbling haha
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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Originally Posted by fripfrop 
The architecture inside is breathtaking Berry and considering it was built in 1200 something amazing how they did it.
I like sitting on the opposite bank of the river under the weeping willows and imagining how many people have passed along those banks past the cathedral and castle in the last few hundred years, and how whatever it was they were going through, or worrying about, is gone now. Barely a blip on the radar of history.
Although I am not religious in the least, I do believe in a creative energy, and it was on the banks of the river there once I had a massive connection to that energy, mindblowing..literally!
I have tried to write about it before, but it's too complicated to explain.
And it was when I was having psychotherapy. And being filled and connected to that energy, blew open all the blockages in my energy system. From suffering from OCD since I was 2, and depression and chronic anxiety from being 14, and finally being diagnosed with PTSD in my late 20s, since I had that experience, I haven't suffered with any of that again, over 20 years later still don't.
My therapist couldn't believe how I recovered so fully. But luckily when I told him about the experience, he didn't have me committed haha...he just couldn't understand the rapid change in me.
Although there was before that experience 2 years of a mind journey into the depths of hell.
Anyway, I am babbling haha
I like sitting on the opposite bank of the river under the weeping willows and imagining how many people have passed along those banks past the cathedral and castle in the last few hundred years, and how whatever it was they were going through, or worrying about, is gone now. Barely a blip on the radar of history.
Although I am not religious in the least, I do believe in a creative energy, and it was on the banks of the river there once I had a massive connection to that energy, mindblowing..literally!
I have tried to write about it before, but it's too complicated to explain.
And it was when I was having psychotherapy. And being filled and connected to that energy, blew open all the blockages in my energy system. From suffering from OCD since I was 2, and depression and chronic anxiety from being 14, and finally being diagnosed with PTSD in my late 20s, since I had that experience, I haven't suffered with any of that again, over 20 years later still don't.
My therapist couldn't believe how I recovered so fully. But luckily when I told him about the experience, he didn't have me committed haha...he just couldn't understand the rapid change in me.
Although there was before that experience 2 years of a mind journey into the depths of hell.
Anyway, I am babbling haha
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You too Elle 
I do think this country is beautiful in parts in the summer...but if I ever get rich Im out of here in the winters haha.
I got those pics off the internet, because all the ones I have were taken before digital cameras, and scanning and resizing is beyond me! But the place looks the same as it did 15 years ago, 30 years ago, 100 years ago...I think I made a mistake and that cathedral was built in the 900s. You cannot help but stand in awe when you see it from the riverbank. And even more when you step inside it.
I do think this country is beautiful in parts in the summer...but if I ever get rich Im out of here in the winters haha.
I got those pics off the internet, because all the ones I have were taken before digital cameras, and scanning and resizing is beyond me! But the place looks the same as it did 15 years ago, 30 years ago, 100 years ago...I think I made a mistake and that cathedral was built in the 900s. You cannot help but stand in awe when you see it from the riverbank. And even more when you step inside it.
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I'm nearly at the end of this thread now. And I couldn't feel more different after 34 days off the toxic chemical that is alcohol;
"Alcohols are among the most common organic compounds. They are used as sweeteners and in making perfumes, are valuable intermediates in the synthesis of other compounds, and are among the most abundantly produced organic chemicals in industry. Perhaps the two best-known alcohols are ethanol and methanol (or methyl alcohol). Ethanol is used in toiletries, pharmaceuticals, and fuels, and it is used to sterilize hospital instruments. It is, moreover, the alcohol in alcoholic beverages. The anesthetic ether is also made from ethanol. Methanol is used as a solvent, as a raw material for the manufacture of formaldehyde and special resins, in special fuels, in antifreeze, and for cleaning metals."
People who come across this thread may think , my God this woman talks a load of trivial drivel.
And I do.
But at a time in my life, where I am struggling to find work, I am not in the financial position to go out and "do" much. Busfares cost money. Having a hobby costs money (and walking is NOT a hobby it's a necessity). All my old friends work, so are not free during the day, and when they socialise, they go to places I can't afford to go.
So for now, even though I have had some wobbles and doubts about it, being on here fills my time and makes the days pass quicker, until someone will reply to one of my bloody job applications!
I don't want to spend all my time thinking about not drinking, why I don't write about not drinking all the time.
But I don't ever want the horror of the binges to fade.
So for now, I set aside about half an hour a day, and I think back.
To all the binges, and how they have all ended.
To how they all started, and happy (which I largely was before the binge started) sad, stressed, worried, no matter what I felt, the one thought that always started them was "I'll just have a couple"
I now think realistically. A couple of drinks does nothing for me. I need at least 7 drank very quickly for it to have any effect.
I read that it can take as little as 10 units of alcohol in your blood at any given time, to set off a blackout…I found this to be true for me. So after I down my 7 (shots of vodka) within an hour, I really set the craving off for more, and I’ve already lost all control, so I’ll have more, and more. Then into blackout. Come to every morning, still half drunk, and still craving, and finding bottles of vodka I can’t remember buying ready and waiting, and starting again.
Then, after days of this, I will become so sick from poisoning myself, I won’t be able to keep much of it down, but still persevere, because although I don’t want it anymore, I want the withdrawals even less.
Then eventually, I will have to stop, because I just physically cannot take it anymore.
Then comes the horror of the withdrawals. That might seem a bit extreme “horror” but they are horror to me.
The thought of ever lifting alcohol to my lips again fills me with horror.
I am reconditioning myself, by doing this “playing the tape” in advance for a short period everyday, even though I have no desire to drink and it works. Everytime I think of drink I feel sick, physically sick.
And I will never let myself forget what it was like.
But for the rest of the day, I don’t allow myself to dwell on alcohol at all. Just use it trying to move forward and think about other things.
"Alcohols are among the most common organic compounds. They are used as sweeteners and in making perfumes, are valuable intermediates in the synthesis of other compounds, and are among the most abundantly produced organic chemicals in industry. Perhaps the two best-known alcohols are ethanol and methanol (or methyl alcohol). Ethanol is used in toiletries, pharmaceuticals, and fuels, and it is used to sterilize hospital instruments. It is, moreover, the alcohol in alcoholic beverages. The anesthetic ether is also made from ethanol. Methanol is used as a solvent, as a raw material for the manufacture of formaldehyde and special resins, in special fuels, in antifreeze, and for cleaning metals."
People who come across this thread may think , my God this woman talks a load of trivial drivel.
And I do.
But at a time in my life, where I am struggling to find work, I am not in the financial position to go out and "do" much. Busfares cost money. Having a hobby costs money (and walking is NOT a hobby it's a necessity). All my old friends work, so are not free during the day, and when they socialise, they go to places I can't afford to go.
So for now, even though I have had some wobbles and doubts about it, being on here fills my time and makes the days pass quicker, until someone will reply to one of my bloody job applications!
I don't want to spend all my time thinking about not drinking, why I don't write about not drinking all the time.
But I don't ever want the horror of the binges to fade.
So for now, I set aside about half an hour a day, and I think back.
To all the binges, and how they have all ended.
To how they all started, and happy (which I largely was before the binge started) sad, stressed, worried, no matter what I felt, the one thought that always started them was "I'll just have a couple"
I now think realistically. A couple of drinks does nothing for me. I need at least 7 drank very quickly for it to have any effect.
I read that it can take as little as 10 units of alcohol in your blood at any given time, to set off a blackout…I found this to be true for me. So after I down my 7 (shots of vodka) within an hour, I really set the craving off for more, and I’ve already lost all control, so I’ll have more, and more. Then into blackout. Come to every morning, still half drunk, and still craving, and finding bottles of vodka I can’t remember buying ready and waiting, and starting again.
Then, after days of this, I will become so sick from poisoning myself, I won’t be able to keep much of it down, but still persevere, because although I don’t want it anymore, I want the withdrawals even less.
Then eventually, I will have to stop, because I just physically cannot take it anymore.
Then comes the horror of the withdrawals. That might seem a bit extreme “horror” but they are horror to me.
The thought of ever lifting alcohol to my lips again fills me with horror.
I am reconditioning myself, by doing this “playing the tape” in advance for a short period everyday, even though I have no desire to drink and it works. Everytime I think of drink I feel sick, physically sick.
And I will never let myself forget what it was like.
But for the rest of the day, I don’t allow myself to dwell on alcohol at all. Just use it trying to move forward and think about other things.
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Nice couple of hours in Durham.
My sons partner is off work today, so didn't have to take the peasant wagon (bus) as she drove through.
Youngest grandson with us, he's like a little old man.
He was nodding off in his car seat in the back, when she took a sharp bend . This jerked him awake, and a little voice piped up from the back "What's going on? Me sleeping" Like father like son!
I've put my finger on why I know I will never drink again.
If someone put a pellet of say antabuse under your skin, and said if you drank again, there is a good chance you would have a heart attack ,would you chance it?
Well being told my next bender could be my last, has the same effect.
And since I have convinced myself that I am not someone who can ever have a couple of drinks, it will always end in a bender, then the choice is not difficult.
And the knowledge that I can never have just a couple, is getting stronger everytime I reinforce that idea.
My sons partner is off work today, so didn't have to take the peasant wagon (bus) as she drove through.
Youngest grandson with us, he's like a little old man.
He was nodding off in his car seat in the back, when she took a sharp bend . This jerked him awake, and a little voice piped up from the back "What's going on? Me sleeping" Like father like son!
I've put my finger on why I know I will never drink again.
If someone put a pellet of say antabuse under your skin, and said if you drank again, there is a good chance you would have a heart attack ,would you chance it?
Well being told my next bender could be my last, has the same effect.
And since I have convinced myself that I am not someone who can ever have a couple of drinks, it will always end in a bender, then the choice is not difficult.
And the knowledge that I can never have just a couple, is getting stronger everytime I reinforce that idea.
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Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Washington state
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Frip, I have been following your posts since day 1. I hope you continue posting regularly when this thread is finished. I do so enjoy your thoughtful insight and humor. Plus, I can relate to your experience with alcohol, how you quit and how you feel about it now. I can smell a glass of red wine 10 feet away and it makes me sick!
Keep up the amazing progress and keep posting!
Keep up the amazing progress and keep posting!
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Cheers lynnmarie I don't know if I have enough to talk about for another thread! Only kidding..there's ALWAYS enough to talk about. As my dad charmingly puts it "Our Frip could talk a glass eye to sleep" haha
I read your threads too, the information you have on them is interesting!
Long may we both continue to be knocked nauseous by the thoughts and smell of drink
I don't know if I have enough to talk about for another thread! Only kidding..there's ALWAYS enough to talk about. As my dad charmingly puts it "Our Frip could talk a glass eye to sleep" hahaI read your threads too, the information you have on them is interesting!
Long may we both continue to be knocked nauseous by the thoughts and smell of drink
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PS I should add, that the withdrawals from any binge drinking, whether sporadic binge drinking, or everyday binge drinking can spark off a heart attack or stroke to mention just a couple, in even the youngest healthiest person.
I knew someone who had a stroke in his early 30s through drink, that wasn't even through withdrawals..he was still drinking when it happened. Alcohol weakens blood vessels and can cause blood clots too
"Heavy drinking, especially bingeing, makes platelets more likely to clump together into blood clots, which can lead to heart attack or stroke. In a landmark study published in 2005, Harvard researchers found ."
So really anyone who finds themselves bingeing again and again, should ask themselves if they are prepared for the next binge to be their last....And if you still find yourself starting to drink, with the intent of only having a couple, when you KNOW that you can't stop at a couple, are you prepared to let an irrational thought end your life?
I knew someone who had a stroke in his early 30s through drink, that wasn't even through withdrawals..he was still drinking when it happened. Alcohol weakens blood vessels and can cause blood clots too
"Heavy drinking, especially bingeing, makes platelets more likely to clump together into blood clots, which can lead to heart attack or stroke. In a landmark study published in 2005, Harvard researchers found ."
So really anyone who finds themselves bingeing again and again, should ask themselves if they are prepared for the next binge to be their last....And if you still find yourself starting to drink, with the intent of only having a couple, when you KNOW that you can't stop at a couple, are you prepared to let an irrational thought end your life?
Last edited by fripfrop; 08-08-2016 at 11:02 AM. Reason: typing crappy
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Dammit! I forgot to cadge a lift to me mothers earlier when I was in the car.
For the hospital tomorrow, the letter says to bring your own dressing gown and slippers, if you don't want to be wandering around with your arse hanging out of one of their gowns (well doesn't say that word for word exactly)
My dressing gown was also my "drinking gown" as such it is full of cigarette burns and scorches from where I have attempted to cook and set small fires on it.
I never wore it except when I was drinking...I'm not wandering around in that at the hospital!
I can't be bothered to walk the 3 miles to me mothers now. Might just draw 2 smileys on my bum cheeks in felt tip pen, just incase of hospital gown slippage tomorrow!
For the hospital tomorrow, the letter says to bring your own dressing gown and slippers, if you don't want to be wandering around with your arse hanging out of one of their gowns (well doesn't say that word for word exactly)
My dressing gown was also my "drinking gown" as such it is full of cigarette burns and scorches from where I have attempted to cook and set small fires on it.
I never wore it except when I was drinking...I'm not wandering around in that at the hospital!
I can't be bothered to walk the 3 miles to me mothers now. Might just draw 2 smileys on my bum cheeks in felt tip pen, just incase of hospital gown slippage tomorrow!
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As we've hit 500 posts more or less, part 2 of this thread is here:
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