LexieCat

I always do some reading, but it tends to be "color" reading, especially when the itinerary and activities are pretty much planned. When I went to Spain, on my own, I researched the things I wanted to do, and made sure I did the "must dos" in Barcelona. I improvised a bit, but I'm not exactly a seasoned overseas traveler. I love traveling with this company because there are so many interesting things they plan--meals with local families, some off-the-beaten-path places. The trip leaders are all locals. Our leader in Morocco was like having a friend that lived there and could give you pointers. We did stuff like go buy our own food for dinner at the market, that we then took to a restaurant that night for them to turn into a delicious meal.

It's only been since my post-retirement job that I've been able to afford anything like this. I'm making sure to build up my retirement portfolios so I can still afford the occasional adventure once I've RETIRED-retired.

honeypig

I am grateful for the few crocus that have survived the squirrels and managed to bloom this spring! I'm also grateful for my first rain barrel full of water for the year. I just put the barrel out a week or so ago, feeling pretty confident it wouldn't freeze, or not badly, anyway, and it rained like crazy on Thursday. It's just so nice to have rain water to fill the bird bath with and to use for both my indoor and outdoor plants. Why use that icky chlorinated fluoridated treated city water for those things when I can have it straight from the sky? (Well, almost--it has to run off my roof and down my rain gutters, which reminds me that I need to contact the gutter-cleaning guy in the next few weeks...)

FireSprite

So grateful for the time change - now the sun stays up long enough for me to squeeze in a walk after work if I'm strategic about it. I got a couple of great walks in over the weekend & could feel the impending heat & humidity building.... ahhhhhh.... soon enough I'll be roasting in the broiling sun but for now it's "just right".

How are you feeling since the accident honeypig? Any achiness or other tenderness?

firebolt

Me too! I've been loving the little brisk hikes with my dog after work. Just chilly enough that I want to pick up the pace to stay warm, and my little corgi is happily running around NOT HOT!

Yes Honeypig - how are you feeling!?

honeypig

Thanks for your concern, Fire Twins! Actually, I have had almost zero physical symptoms, partly b/c I was in a big, solid vehicle, partly b/c I didn't know it was coming and thus didn't tense up, and partly b/c my wonderful massage gal was able to see me the afternoon of the AM it happened, or at least that's what I think.

However, I find that my mind does not want to let go of it. It keeps on spinning out what-ifs and reenactments and mostly just generalized anxiety w/the occasional panic attack. It's not necessarily triggered by driving or a specific driving situation, either, which seems weird to me, although I am a somewhat more nervous driver than prior, which I would think would be expected...

I have never had an accident that was serious enough to need cops and all, so I have no experience w/this sort of thing and don't really know what is normal, how long it will last, or anything.

So far, I'm using guided meditations, essential oils, deep breathing, etc., and it helps to an extent. As long as I can distract myself, it's not too bad, but if I let my mind drift, it ends up back at the accident and the adrenaline starts to crank up again.

Any advice or insight would be appreciated! Firebolt, I know you mention you've been in bike crashes--what have your experiences been? How did you get past it?

firebolt

Oh Honeypig, I'm glad you 're generally feeling ok!

A few years before the big bike wreck, I was in a small, slow roll over in a vw beetle - that sounds worse than it was..and other than being VERY shaken immediately after and a strained neck, I don't remember lasting effects. (Except it did do neck damage I found out years later, that I feel the pains of today - that's what I was worried about with you.) I was 19 and pretty emotionally imamature and I think that's part of it, or maybe the bike wreck just overshadowed it through the years.

The bike wreck was 16 years ago this month. It was bad, gory, a hit and run and I still remember every detail vividly, and I still get a minute of panic every time I get on my bike today. So I don't want this timeframe to be a reference for you, but I do remember a year and a half or so laying down to go to be and thinking "I did not talk about or think about the wreck once today!" Kinda like the trauma of getting over an ex, huh?!

That being said - I think the only things that really fix it are time, and talking about it. Even if you don't feel it was major, it is a trauma, and it is terrifying! Disaster happening where you have to feel the complete 'out of control', the what ifs, and the fact that in some way or form, you have to go through what led to the situation daily - (either driving yourself, riding in a car, tv, the news, traffic, etc.) It's very traumatic.

And I get not wanting to let your mind wander there - I think our bodies try to sweep it under the rug for a minute because we just aren't ready to deal with it. But it will come out, bit by bit...so this isn't super helpful, but all i have for you is, on YOUR timeframe, to feel it, and then let it go. And talk about it when you need to! Small or not, it IS a big deal and it is life changing! ((HUGS))) and again, I'm really glad you're ok from it!

honeypig

firebolt, you have helped a great deal, and thank you so much! Your post gave me "permission to feel what I feel" and to let it take as long as it takes to feel better. Also, you didn't minimize, and so many people around me don't seem to understand why I feel like I do, b/c after all, I wasn't hurt...

Your observation that an accident is a lot like what brought us here in the first place is a very insightful and accurate one! Framing it that way is going to be very helpful for me, I think.

Once again, my gratitude for today is for my friends here at SR. I appreciate your time and effort in making that post, fb. May the Powers That Be keep you safe on your new bike!

firebolt

Unless we've had the begeezzez scared out of us by going through it ourselves, or God forbid a child going through it, we just don't realize the impact. Ugg, between my brother and I, my poor mother!!

THanks Honeypig - may we all treat our literal or figurative guardian angels well - huh?!

FireSprite

My mom had a similar post-traumatic reaction following an accident years ago too honeypig; everything you've shared sounds unfortunately normal in my opinion. She STILL gets anxiety riding in the right hand lane of any 3-lane road because it's too reminiscent of that day. Her injuries were minor seeming at the time, but like firebolt, she found that they popped back up over & over again throughout the years.

Take care of yourself & remember no one else needs to validate these feelings for you - YOU survived this experience, no one else.


Grateful that if all goes well with my planning this week, I'll be meeting up with readerbaby on Saturday!

I know she hasn't posted here in a while but we keep in touch off-board & I try to at least meet her for lunch when she takes her annual trip to FL to visit family around this time of year. Last year she & her RAB visited me at my house & got to meet DD too.

We always say we'll just have a quick lunch.... then we end up talking for 6 hours, lol. Thankfully, Cracker Barrel has those wonderful rocking chairs out front so we can sit & drink tea & catch up for as long as we want after we finish eating. This will be the 3rd year we've done this.

firebolt

OH YEAH!!! Theres an a-ha moment... I haven't ridden passenger in a car on a gravel road in a while...but the rollover happened on gravel, and I (for lack of a better term, and pretty literally) still clench ma butt cheeks when I find myself in that situation, especially on the corners! 15 mph feels too fast at times and I much prefer to drive on gravel rather than ride passenger, and really never associated that with the crash!!

FS, have so much fun this weekend! I'm jealous and would love an SR meetup some year down the road for anyone willing!!

GRateful for a 1 hour lunch - to regroup, to calm down from a rough work morning, and to run my dog at the park. THis week can't be over soon enough!

LexieCat

I'm happy to report that I just got an email from my tax accountant that I need to come by and sign my tax return. For the past few years I've been trying to tweak my withholding so I don't get either a huge refund or owe a chunk of money at tax time (as nice as it can feel to get a big refund, I have an aversion to giving the government an interest-free loan). And I pretty much nailed it this time--I'm getting a small refund from the feds and I owe the Garden State all of seven bucks.

I do have to tweak it again for next year, as we all got a pay raise this year, and I do most of my adjustments to withholding on my pension W4, since I can easily do it online. But I'm happy I made out well for this year!

honeypig

Good news, Lexie! I try to walk that line too, not getting a GIANT refund but not owing too much either. When I was married, generally we owed the feds and got a refund from the state. I didn't really know what to expect when I began filing single, as it had been a long time since I'd done so. I now get a refund from both, but it's not huge, so I just let it be. This year I used it to help pay off my car loan--interest rate was decent, but not as good as "paid off"!

LexieCat

I woke up this morning and had that sense of relief. I was afraid I might owe some this year--a couple of factors changed slightly, and although I could have afforded it, it would have taken some shuffling around of money this month (paid for a few large purchases for frivolous/fun things, including the down payment for vacation next year), so I'm glad I don't have to mess with that.

DesertEyes

This thread got too big for the server and is continued in part 4 over here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-4-a.html

Mike