endlesspatience

Nothing wrong with having a sandwich! The AA Living Sober book reckons eating sugary food is a good defence a drink too, but that can lead your blood sugar levels to bounce up and down which can be unsettling.

Can you tell us why have you cancelled your appointment to attend a recovery meeting next week? I'm glad you told us about it - always best to try to be honest - but I'm worried. Cancelling that meeting sounds like it could be part of an old pattern like when you got sober before for a year and then relapsed back into daily drinking.

priceyjunk

The thing about food is that sometimes, my alcoholic brain tells me that I'll enjoy the meal more with a'bit' of booze on board. Of course I know that it's never a bit, and I usually end up so pissed I barely remember the meal. It's terrible being to know this but still being driven to want a drink.

Had to cancel for family reasons. Have an errand I'm compelled to run and can go out. I don't socialise with alcoholics. I drink alone, to anaesthetise myself I guess. So being alone and isolated is a trigger for me. Sadly, my family aren't supportive and we don't have what you'd call a good relationship. None of them are boozers though.

IvanMike

How many of those errands you were compelled to run in the past did you blow off because you were loaded?

Food for thought.

priceyjunk

Actually not many' haven't really missed errands, none really. Always time for a drink later. Anyway the wave of craving is passing but I know it'll be back soon. Right now, this is my time of peak vulnerability. I expect it'll carry on for the next 2-3 hours. The thing is, even if I drink and only have a 'moderate' amount, all it'll do is convince me I'm in control and tomorrow I'll go really overboard.

priceyjunk

That's it. Confident it's passed for today and I won't be drinking. Bring on day 3

priceyjunk

I'm now confident I'll make it to day 3. The anxiety is mounting and is almost at the point where I think I might get a panic attack. But it's precisely this that keeps me from drinking, the fear over the consequences and loosing everything. I've made it for today but it hasn't been easy at all, and I've had a near miss, like a loaded gun pressed to my head. I know it'll be even harder tomorrow. I'll have to hold on somehow.

priceyjunk

Start of day three. Without the ability to plan when I'm next going to bomb myself out with booze, am starting to have my anxiety increase quite a bit. On day one, and for many months now, I've been telling myself that life would be perfect if not for my drinking. That I have everything I want or need. Bit of a clearer head now and I guess that although things aren't terrible, I do actually have a lot of problems or rather, a lot of worries, about the future, about where I'm going. Maybe a part of drinking for me was really to creat a big problem for myself to distract myself from all the little ones, to avoid having to face up to them and do something about it. At this point, I'm still not sure how I'm going to cope. But I am sure that I want to stay away from booze.

priceyjunk

Cravings are starting again now. It's terrible. And it's because I don't feel anxious enough at the moment. It's funny because usually by day three, the anxiety is pretty unbearable, but not this time, at least not so far. I keep thinking how nice and relaxing it would be to unwind with a drink or 10. But I know it won't stop there and it's a one way road to despair. Just have to hang in there, only a few more hours left to go.

endlesspatience

How's it going? Did you manage another sober day? Also, you mentioned that you were planning to go to a support group this week. Do please share about that because we can only do so much from a distance - people around you can do more.