lovetolisten

Back on Day 2 and want to strengthen my recovery plan before the thoughts of "maybe I am not such an alcoholic" creep back in 5-6 days.

Have folks had luck with making a list of all their wrongdoings when drinking to refer back to when the AV says "it's not that bad"? I am torn on whether or not that is motivating. Part of me wants all the bad stuff fresh in my mind, the other part of me doesn't want to beat myself up anymore.

Just curious if other people have done that and how it works out.

Thanks as usual for reading this, and thanks to those who reply. I want to get it right this time and make ya'll proud!

Dee74

Personally I do think positive motivations work better - who do I want to be, what do I want to achieve.

Negative motivation never usually stopped me for long cos 'this time will be different'....

Having said that, when I was really ready for change, my own posts and other peoples were enough to remind me I was that bad

This is a good link to help you make up a recovery plan

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ery-plans.html
D

entropy1964

Hmmmm. I keep a journal and just try to be honest and frank, no denial. I'm not sure mulling over a list of wrong doings would help me so much. For me staying in today, being mindful of the moment. Finding things to be grateful for and positive actions to keep me moving forward in the right direction. I need to learn from the past and never forget how horrid I have felt. But I also need to let go and forgive myself.

Like right now. The house is quiet, clean and organized. The yard looks pretty. It's a gorgeous, perfect evening. Birds are singing, dogs are snoring and I'm comfy in my room. I can't ask for anything more. That helps me.

FLCamper

I recall how poorly I felt and remind myself why drinking was bad for me: hangovers, lack of accomplishment, self loathing, etc. I didn't write down every sad and pathetic event. I can remember enough to motivate me to not drink

I agree with you - I don't want to recall over and over every slimy detail.

awuh1

Making a list of what you have done wrong is not the same thing as beating yourself up about the things on that same list. The list contains facts. It's real.

If during the writing (or later reading) of that list you start to beat yourself up (by what you tell yourself ABOUT what is on that list) remind yourself that this is not the purpose of the list. The purpose is to remind you of the slippery slope that alcohol is for you. Period.

There is a thing called amends in the AA program which makes living with those past events far easier. You might want to find out more about that's all about at some point.

Fly N Buy

Alcoholism isn't a moral failure, but I certainly exhibited some poor behaviors. I did find value ( on occasion still do) in replaying the tape in my head of some things that transpired. I don't regret the past and it can become a great asset if used as an instructional tool for ourselves and others.

fini

being real clear on where it took you, not "forgetting" how that is, keeping that truth and not shoving it somewhere else is hugely helpful. to me, that's what knowing i'm an alcoholic means.
it has nothing to do with beating myself up about it but everything to do with staying in that truth.
much like awuh says: fact.

Tamerua

I journaled. It helped me a lot. Honestly, all i have to do is remember that last year of my drinking and I remember why I can't.

Berrybean

I'm not sure I could have done this without support without it being counterproductive for me. As it is, I DID do it, through inventory taking in AA. The first thing being reflecting on how alcohol made my life unmanageable (financially, physically, in my relationships, how my work was affected, etc.). Further down the line a few steps, then I did more inventories - and this time the cringey ones as part of my step 4. Then went thorough this with my trusted person, my sponsor, to think about why I made the choices I did, etc. Later on that was used to think through who I owed amends to, and the best way of doing this. It sounds scary, and it was a bit, but it's done in a structured and supported way so that it's a learning process, rather than one of pure self-flagellation.

fantail

What if you set yourself a smaller goal, like 30 days? At 5 days (in my way of doing it) the goal is to not even be thinking about whether or not drinking is bad for you... it should be just putting one foot in front of the other and getting the time. Could you make a deal with yourself that you'll do one month just to see how it feels?