Tired
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Tired
Hi everyone~ I have been here a while and comment sometimes but not a lot just because I am still trying for recovery myself and don't feel like I have a lot to offer most of the time. I see it posted often about not being able to get sober until you realize you want to be sober more than you want to drink. I don't know if I am there. I want to be sober otherwise I wouldn't be here in the first place, but drinking seems to win out more often than not so I don't know what that means? Maybe I want to drink more than I want to be sober? I am not sure.
Today was supposed to be day 1 but I stopped and got wine after getting my hair done, and beer. I drank all of the wine. Now I am drinking the beer. I failed in the April class and was thinking of joining the May class. I don't know if I should even bother though because I will most likely end up failing that class too. How do I get to the point that I want to be sober more than I want to drink? The first step in AA is admitting you are powerless over alcohol. I struggle with that as well. I know I don't have a lot of power over it don't get me wrong but if I am powerless, then how did I stop for 2 months last year and almost a month at the beginning of this year? Please don't think I am being flippant because I honestly do not know. Maybe I need to work with a sponsor or someone in AA to understand better what it means. I just feel lost and want to stop but the pull of drinking is so strong. Anyway, I am not giving up but I just feel like I really don't know if I will ever be able to get this, or sometimes if I even want to. Thanks for listening.
Today was supposed to be day 1 but I stopped and got wine after getting my hair done, and beer. I drank all of the wine. Now I am drinking the beer. I failed in the April class and was thinking of joining the May class. I don't know if I should even bother though because I will most likely end up failing that class too. How do I get to the point that I want to be sober more than I want to drink? The first step in AA is admitting you are powerless over alcohol. I struggle with that as well. I know I don't have a lot of power over it don't get me wrong but if I am powerless, then how did I stop for 2 months last year and almost a month at the beginning of this year? Please don't think I am being flippant because I honestly do not know. Maybe I need to work with a sponsor or someone in AA to understand better what it means. I just feel lost and want to stop but the pull of drinking is so strong. Anyway, I am not giving up but I just feel like I really don't know if I will ever be able to get this, or sometimes if I even want to. Thanks for listening.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Even I could stop for a few days at times. I couldn't stay stopped. That was the powerless bit, and why I don't agree with the idea that you have to want to stop more than you want to drink, in order to stop. That's not my experience.
I desperatey wanted the misery to stop. Waking up in the morning, sick as, full of remorse, and desperately wanting not to drink that day. Yet all that misery faded from my mind, the memories of the night before gone, so at the end of the day I found my self drinking. The reasons, for not drinking had completely gone from my mind, yet they should have been fresh and compelling.
At certain times I had no effective mental defence against the first drink. That's powerless. Take a simple but very common scenario, the start of many a relapse. Alcy, having been dry a month or two is rocking along quite happily. Having had a good day he drops in to see some friends. He's relaxed. They chat a bit, then someone asks him the wrong question. Would you like a drink? The memory defence fails, not a single thought of consequences occurs to him. In the most casual way he replies "yeah thanks!" And we are off again. That's powerless over alcohol.
The AA book tells a story, exactly along these lines of a "certain Americam businessman" After a year sober under the constant care of the famous doctor Carl Jung, the man was returning home when someone asked him the wrong question. A years work down the drain. It's a good story.
So the thing is how to get some power. Well that's exactly what the AA big book is about.
I desperatey wanted the misery to stop. Waking up in the morning, sick as, full of remorse, and desperately wanting not to drink that day. Yet all that misery faded from my mind, the memories of the night before gone, so at the end of the day I found my self drinking. The reasons, for not drinking had completely gone from my mind, yet they should have been fresh and compelling.
At certain times I had no effective mental defence against the first drink. That's powerless. Take a simple but very common scenario, the start of many a relapse. Alcy, having been dry a month or two is rocking along quite happily. Having had a good day he drops in to see some friends. He's relaxed. They chat a bit, then someone asks him the wrong question. Would you like a drink? The memory defence fails, not a single thought of consequences occurs to him. In the most casual way he replies "yeah thanks!" And we are off again. That's powerless over alcohol.
The AA book tells a story, exactly along these lines of a "certain Americam businessman" After a year sober under the constant care of the famous doctor Carl Jung, the man was returning home when someone asked him the wrong question. A years work down the drain. It's a good story.
So the thing is how to get some power. Well that's exactly what the AA big book is about.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,594
You just keep getting up each time you fail. It comes to you that way....eventually the negatives do outweigh the positives. We learn, and everyone here understands. And good thing is it is not a sacrifice in the end, it's a gift lol. Sober is so much better.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Sounds like your drinking but it is causing you to be miserable .
Drink and be miserable ,
Don't drink and be miserable ,
If you don't drink, work on life and yourself then tomorrow/ next week / next month has a chance to be better.
I'm sober 4 1/2 years because life is better this way .
No more stress over drinking , no more stress over not drinking because it's over .
I'm secure , reasonably safe, reasonably happy, make better choices for myself, have better relationships, do you want that or do you want drinking ?
Take care , m
Drink and be miserable ,
Don't drink and be miserable ,
If you don't drink, work on life and yourself then tomorrow/ next week / next month has a chance to be better.
I'm sober 4 1/2 years because life is better this way .
No more stress over drinking , no more stress over not drinking because it's over .
I'm secure , reasonably safe, reasonably happy, make better choices for myself, have better relationships, do you want that or do you want drinking ?
Take care , m
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Southern Oregon U.S.
Posts: 1,023
There's times I want to be drunk or high more than I want to be sober but deep down I want to be sober. I want to be healthy, financially better off, safer, not in handcuffs, not hungover etc.. So I do my best to stay sober. Getting to a year was so flipping hard for me I said "I don't ever wanna do that again." So here I sit, sober. Can I guarantee I'll stay that way? No. But I'm gonna give it a run for its money:-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
As long as I recognise that I'm powerless over gravity if I step over the cliff edge, then I won't step over the cliff edge. If after a couple of months I start thinking that actually, I've been fine and haven't fallen to my death so maybe I'm not powerless over gravity after all, then the outlook starts looking bleak.
I know that I'm powerless over alcohol, once I've taken the first drink. Sometimes things didn't end disastrously. Sometimes they did. It was a game of Russian Roulette and I was taking a risk every time. Like choosing not to step off the cliff, if I don't take that first drink then I stay safe. If I took a drink today, then all bets would be off for me.
You stayed sober for a month ir two at a time before, just like I've stayed sober for two years. By not taking the first drink. Once you did, you got sucked back into the vortex. And that's what happens when alcoholics drink. It took me so many years to figure that out. And what I couldn't see at the time was how alcohol was affecting so many areas of my life. Things just seemed normal, when actually it was fairly chaotic with loads of unnecessary stress and drama. And my emotional state was also pretty insane. Life without booze really is do much calmer and happier.
I think your idea re getting someone to go through this stuff with you is a great idea. You might also like to try some of the AA speaker recordings that focus on steps 1 to 3. There are lots to choose from. 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
As I worked through step one with my sponsors guidance the whole issue of powerlessness became clearer. That's why we have sponsors. It's hard to get our heads round this stuff without talking things through.
I know that I'm powerless over alcohol, once I've taken the first drink. Sometimes things didn't end disastrously. Sometimes they did. It was a game of Russian Roulette and I was taking a risk every time. Like choosing not to step off the cliff, if I don't take that first drink then I stay safe. If I took a drink today, then all bets would be off for me.
You stayed sober for a month ir two at a time before, just like I've stayed sober for two years. By not taking the first drink. Once you did, you got sucked back into the vortex. And that's what happens when alcoholics drink. It took me so many years to figure that out. And what I couldn't see at the time was how alcohol was affecting so many areas of my life. Things just seemed normal, when actually it was fairly chaotic with loads of unnecessary stress and drama. And my emotional state was also pretty insane. Life without booze really is do much calmer and happier.
I think your idea re getting someone to go through this stuff with you is a great idea. You might also like to try some of the AA speaker recordings that focus on steps 1 to 3. There are lots to choose from. 5500+ AA Speakers & Tapes - Organized & Mobile-Friendly!
As I worked through step one with my sponsors guidance the whole issue of powerlessness became clearer. That's why we have sponsors. It's hard to get our heads round this stuff without talking things through.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
I'm only a mild AA attendee but I did do the steps. For me "powerless over alcohol" means, as Beccy says, accepting that once I put alcohol in my mouth I lose all control of my life.
For me, both of those phrases that you point to — being powerless, and wanting sobriety more than wanting to drink — were not big starting point revelations. They only took on meaning for me after I'd been sober eight months, relapsed, and been sober again. At that point they had just become true for me, without me forcing anything. It was the experience that taught me that if I drank I became a person without power, so, ok yes I very much want to be sober.
I guess what I'm saying is... for some people those are the concepts that flip the switch and make it connect. If that's not the case for you, don't let that be a barrier to getting sober. There are other concepts, and definitely talking to as many people as you can will expose you to them. Also there's so much to be said for just doing anything in your power to get the sober time under your belt. With every month that goes by I feel stronger. And statistically the longer you're sober the less likely you are to go back. I'm not saying white knuckle it forever... but if at first that's what you can manage, that's still going in the right direction.
You're on the right road.
For me, both of those phrases that you point to — being powerless, and wanting sobriety more than wanting to drink — were not big starting point revelations. They only took on meaning for me after I'd been sober eight months, relapsed, and been sober again. At that point they had just become true for me, without me forcing anything. It was the experience that taught me that if I drank I became a person without power, so, ok yes I very much want to be sober.
I guess what I'm saying is... for some people those are the concepts that flip the switch and make it connect. If that's not the case for you, don't let that be a barrier to getting sober. There are other concepts, and definitely talking to as many people as you can will expose you to them. Also there's so much to be said for just doing anything in your power to get the sober time under your belt. With every month that goes by I feel stronger. And statistically the longer you're sober the less likely you are to go back. I'm not saying white knuckle it forever... but if at first that's what you can manage, that's still going in the right direction.
You're on the right road.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 2,332
Thanks everyone~
I am winging it right now. I wrote a recovery plan at the beginning of April but it is so different from my life today I have trouble following it or knowing what part(s) to implement first. I guess I just need to pick one or two things and focus on those until they become part of my daily routine and then add more. The hard part is sticking with it because I fall back into old habits too easily.
I am winging it right now. I wrote a recovery plan at the beginning of April but it is so different from my life today I have trouble following it or knowing what part(s) to implement first. I guess I just need to pick one or two things and focus on those until they become part of my daily routine and then add more. The hard part is sticking with it because I fall back into old habits too easily.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Emme,
Consider you are not falling back into drinking until you have about a month sober.
Until you are fully clean and giving your brain a real chance to start freaking out from the lack of booze, you will not have that mental anguish that motivated me to stay away from the booze.
Once your brain is clean, the central nervous system receptors begin to see life w out a dulling filter.
It will scare you. You will wonder if it is permanent. Fear might be what you need to strengthen your resolve to stay clean.
You may truly never want to drink again once you experience the fear.
But, I am not sure everyone gets this, otherwise more people would stay sober.
For me, the post drinking long term...spacy...feeling started happening years ago.
I thought it was work related. It wasn't. It was all....Booze related.
Get clean.
Consider you are not falling back into drinking until you have about a month sober.
Until you are fully clean and giving your brain a real chance to start freaking out from the lack of booze, you will not have that mental anguish that motivated me to stay away from the booze.
Once your brain is clean, the central nervous system receptors begin to see life w out a dulling filter.
It will scare you. You will wonder if it is permanent. Fear might be what you need to strengthen your resolve to stay clean.
You may truly never want to drink again once you experience the fear.
But, I am not sure everyone gets this, otherwise more people would stay sober.
For me, the post drinking long term...spacy...feeling started happening years ago.
I thought it was work related. It wasn't. It was all....Booze related.
Get clean.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Given the choice between easy and hard, it's human nature to pick easy. Drinking is easy. Getting sober is hard. So it should be no surprise we pick door number one...over and over and over.
But nothing worth achieving is easy. I'm sure you have done things that were difficult because the outcome was worth it: be it school, career, a personal challenge. And we usually succeeded because we overcame the fear that we couldn't succeed.
Same with recovery. Believe you can succeed. Don't be afraid.
But nothing worth achieving is easy. I'm sure you have done things that were difficult because the outcome was worth it: be it school, career, a personal challenge. And we usually succeeded because we overcame the fear that we couldn't succeed.
Same with recovery. Believe you can succeed. Don't be afraid.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 166
I would rather get drunk most days than be sober, it's instant stress relief, escapism from all the crap life throws at us but...life won't ever get better or easier to deal with if you don't live a life sober. Just start to consider and reflect upon the idea life is easier without alcohol, hopefully after some contemplation you'll see why the journey is worth it.
When the bad times out weigh the good times it's time to change.
When the bad times out weigh the good times it's time to change.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
I get what she's saying.
I couldn't confidently say that I wanted to be sober MORE than I wanted to drink since I didn't know what real sobriety looks like, so this concept didn't drive my decision to stop putting alcohol into my body. What I did want is CHANGE, and since the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, I took a leap of faith and have been sort of white-knuckling it - it'll be 50 days this Saturday.
Emme - try getting even a week or two under your belt. Have an ice cream instead of the wine or beer. Check out that sticky "looking for things to do?" in this section. Just get through the TIME, and take a leap of faith. You already know what it feels like to actively drink - no mystery there. You don't know what sobriety feels like without actually being sober for a good long stretch of TIME.
I couldn't confidently say that I wanted to be sober MORE than I wanted to drink since I didn't know what real sobriety looks like, so this concept didn't drive my decision to stop putting alcohol into my body. What I did want is CHANGE, and since the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results, I took a leap of faith and have been sort of white-knuckling it - it'll be 50 days this Saturday.
Emme - try getting even a week or two under your belt. Have an ice cream instead of the wine or beer. Check out that sticky "looking for things to do?" in this section. Just get through the TIME, and take a leap of faith. You already know what it feels like to actively drink - no mystery there. You don't know what sobriety feels like without actually being sober for a good long stretch of TIME.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I didn't want to be sober more than I wanted to drink, esp when I first got here. However, the one thing that changed my mind on this, was that it was exhausting to be battling those cravings in early sobriety. Almost 2 weeks worth of intense cravings for a night out, drinking didn't seem worth it to me any more.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by emme99 
I failed in the April class and was thinking of joining the May class. I don't know if I should even bother though because I will most likely end up failing that class too.
That's not true. Who says you'll end up failing again? Believe in yourself!
There are so many people in this world that are in recovery. Many years sober. It's possible.
Change that 'i'll fail anyway' to 'i'll succeed' and do the next best thing!
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
I certainly didn't know when I woke up on Sunday morning, March 13, 2016, and declared yet again for the thousandth time, "I'm not going to drink anymore" that I'd still be sober and my life would be this much better almost two months later.
Don't quit trying ten minutes before the miracle happens.
Don't quit trying ten minutes before the miracle happens.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: NC
Posts: 662
I'm sorry you are struggling but we have all been there or are there this very moment and this is a place of great support.
It took me getting evicted, living in the woods and having to pan handle for money everyday to get heroin for me to realize I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to use. I realized that using held NOTHING but pain for me and that finding the strength to discover recovery held the key to life.
There isn't one specific way to find recovery- it all depends on what you personally need to get there. Please don't give up on yourself, you deserve so much more than that. Maybe look at what you have been doing so far to get sober and decide what types of things you can add to help make it stick this time,
It took me getting evicted, living in the woods and having to pan handle for money everyday to get heroin for me to realize I wanted to be sober more than I wanted to use. I realized that using held NOTHING but pain for me and that finding the strength to discover recovery held the key to life.
There isn't one specific way to find recovery- it all depends on what you personally need to get there. Please don't give up on yourself, you deserve so much more than that. Maybe look at what you have been doing so far to get sober and decide what types of things you can add to help make it stick this time,
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