Lyoness

LOL on the toilets! I DID run out. Let's just say it's a good thing I'm familiar with country living, camping and outhouses--got me shovel out and took care of things. I'm being oh so careful now but I'm discovering that this is going to be an ongoing issue. And it's definitely NOT me or what's coming out of me. The toilet doesn't flush properly. The water moves too slow to move things, I've watched enough times to see now. And of course over time that's going to make a clog.

Not sure what long term solution is. My landlord (who is a really nice guy) didn't live here, his sister did. So I don't think he's familiar with this place too much. And she's ((sadly) passed away (which is why this place was available, I miss her though!), so can't ask her about anything.

I'm truly thinking about setting up an outhouse. I know it sounds backwards and 19th century but they can actually be great and much better and cleaner than toilets. I used one for 15 years and really came to prefer it. At the very least if I had one I could use it if problems arose.

More than anyone ever wanted to know I am sure!

That's great you bought a place, such a sense of security in that. One nice thing about mobiles, they're much more affordable. And some are really nice. My rental is big, light, airy, all things I was hoping for. An equivalent house would have been close to double the rent.

I'm not sure what brought on my functionality. I think lessening the anxiety really helped. And maybe the positive aspects of the antidepressants kicked in. Definitely the bright warm sunshine. And...? I want to know so I can replicate.

I had another functional day too. Went to town and it was so good to get OUT and talk to other human beings. I saw a new doctor, went to the library, saw my lawyer, grocery shopped. I was fried by the time I got home but it was so good to spend a day in town.

The new doctor is an "alternative" practitioner. He is an M.D. but does nutrition, acupuncture, etc. It's out of pocket but he'll accept payments over time so I'll see what I can afford. I really liked him. He had a calm, compassionate demeanor, listened, spent a long time with me. He heard me which is big. I told him my whole story, including IV drug addiction and my legal issues. He didn't run screaming or judge. Instead he shared a personal issue from his own life. Trusted me. That's huge too. I'm hoping he can help me.

That was my last functional day. Because that day, the nights before and since I've been struggling with insomnia. Like two hours of disturbed sleep in a night insomnia. Just AWAKE all night. When my body gets this version if insomnia it's a bear. Just will not let up, not go to sleep. It feeds itself.

I've also had extreme physical pain, old syndrome that hasn't bothered me for a few years but came roaring back. Either keeps me from sleeping or wakes me up. Miserable. Taking ibuprofen, supplements and herbal meds (not that one) and can turn volume down a little. Not enough. I've been in tears. Even the methadone doesn't stop it. (Methadone is pretty much for tapering only. Doesn't do anything else.) Bad enough I've considered the ER, tho I know they wouldn't help. Today add the migraine and I walked around wishing someone would just shoot me and put me out of my misery! That really had me contemplating the ER but I knew I couldn't get a ride. (Even though they do not give me opiate pain meds, I'm still too wacked out to drive after they treat me.)

I'm better now. Tried a different herbal medicine (still not that one) and with my anxiety med is helping. Whew. I hate being in overwhelming physical pain--can't think, can't sleep, can't do anything but hurt. No thanks!!!!

I think hormone stuff makes sense. I need to look into that more, too, as I am a woman of a certain age, lol. Fifty two. Didn't think of it in terms of mental health stuff but that makes a lot of sense. Our bodies run in hormones aka neurohormones and neurotransmitters. Mess with any of them and big changes can result.

Your chicken is making me hungry. Time for some chow. Like you mentioned, I need to eat more too.

Live

I only have a couple of minutes, will reply with thought tomorrow.

Sugarangel, that is by far the worst, most horrid reaction I have ever heard of. So sorry you had to go through that.

I have been eating more if not well balanced. We will do our big grocery shop on the 11th.

I like to think in terms of successive approximations, instead of baby steps or etc. To me, there is a subtle difference. Anyway, I am aiming to better regulate my sleep patterns...so am going to bed very soon and much earlier than doing whatever I feel like. I have dropped back on caffeine and am esp careful beginning mid-day.

((((hugs)))) to all.

T

Fabat50

In my long experience with numerous anti depressants, and related drugs, I have learnt that you can't mess about with them like that! Not only will they not help they may well make you worse. Many (most) antidepressants I have taken caused me side effects such as dizziness, sickness, anxiety, fatigue for the first week or so. You then need to wait at least a full month to see if you feel the benefits or not, sometimes even longer. The only way to know if they are going to benefit you is to respect your Drs prescription and be patient.

I have been successfully medicated for a couple of years. The relief is indescribable.

Have been thinking of you. x

Soberwolf

Lyoness

Thank you. I've been thinking about you,too, yesterday in particular. I know you are right. It is my impatience with side effects that has been so challenging. And the fact that I only see psychiatrist once a month for 15 minutes. I really am left to my own devices.

The other factor is that in the past, when these meds worked it was much sooner. Within a week or two. Not sure what has changed so much. My hormones, having been on super high dose opiates for three years, or how bad (life-threatening) this particular bout of depression has been. Maybe all three.

I will clarify that I took anxiety causing antidepressant for over three weeks and only a few days off to test anxiety levels. I took the prior med only a couple of times to prevent antidepressant withdrawals. So maybe it's not as bad as it sounded. (Or sounds worse, who knows.)

I do take what you say seriously and agree with you. I just feel like I'm floating out there on my own with this psychiatrist who is barely there. She was running late last appt and just hurried me out the door. Don't know if I even got my 15 minutes. I feel she can't possibly know or understand me at this rate.

There's no careful crafting of a plan or anything. It's like, how's the med, what side effects, okay, NEXT! Not good medicine. I am asking around to see if I can find someone more responsible, responsive and thorough.

I'd love to find someone like yours. That is true medicine.

Live

I am so sorry you are in so much pain.
I hope you get to the ER.

I have done some reading that has me thinking about side effects.
My mental status was so dire that I have been willing to accept and live with most any side effect if it relieved my mental & emotional anguish.

And I have gotten what I sought, i.e. mental peace and contentment.
I truly could not have gone on as I was.

I've only recently dropped the "stay asleep" med due to it giving me foggy medicine head all day.
Nevertheless I am still heavily tranquilized and have no energy.

But I don't recall any significant side effects when I was only treated for depression and anxiety..and reading others' experiences, theirs tend to pass after a month or so.
So I guess that can be a reasonable expectation.

Me, it's a trade off. For now, I will continue to focus on the basics.

Soberwolf

Hi Lyoness x

Lyoness

Heading off to my final court appearance in a little while. I'm nervous but relieved because this is last one. I will post later what final decision was, etc. Meantime any positive thoughts you want to send my way would be most appreciated! Hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Lyoness

Ugh, just lost my post. Start over....

Writing about my final court date. I started lost post this way--by first saying thank you so much to all of you who've posted, given me support, been patient and impatient with me, given kind words and hugs. I couldn't have got through to here without your support and help.

So, today was final appearance in court. My lawyer talked with DA and explained my situation, that this was about suicide attempt, I have mental health issues and longstanding suicide issues and no record. So DA was very humane (to use lawyer's words) and gave me a "DA deferral." Which means one charge was dropped (there were two both the same) and I pled guilty to the other. The sentencing is then deferred for 270 days and then as long as I keep on as I am, out of further trouble, the charges will be dismissed at the end of that time.

I also have fines to pay, either a little more than half my monthly income or almost exactly my monthly income ($4 less) don't know for sure yet.

So all in all pretty amazing. I am incredibly grateful! Going from first getting that horrible letter in the mail, telling me of the charges, almost passing out (which I never do, I'm not a fainter) , to the first terrifying court date, to getting fingerprinted and photographed at the jail to lawyer appts to now. I never thought I'd make it, especially at the beginning but I did. Whew!

I don't think it's sunk in yet. And I'll be paying over time but the worst is over. I'll be totally relieved in nine months but it's going to sink in and feel relieving as I realize no more court, etc. I'm always slow for stuff to sink in. I'm just grateful that in the main, it's over. So grateful.

Dee74

That's a really good outcome Lyoness - I'm glad for you

D

Lyoness

Thank you Dee. I really am grateful and awed. The worst punishment theoretically possible was five years in jail and $125k--nearly had a heart attack when I read that! I'm Aware of how this could have gone versus how it turned out. I'm so so thankful. For good lawyer, getting one of the "newer more humane DAs," for all the support I've gotten, for having an incredible outcome.

I really did get aware, feel it, on the way home that it's over! Yes I need to pay fine but in the main it's over. Brought tears to my eyes when I GOT it and FELT it. Getting this huge weight, this STRESS off my back.

Hopefully I can now find a good therapist and maybe a new psychiatrist who can spend more time with me. Help me really get this depression healed and move forward. I feel like I am taking steps. Baby steps, slow ones, but still steps.

Soberwolf

Dee74

Closed by request OP
D