Sally1009

Hi, I'm a bit confused as to which forum to join. Some years ago I was a regular poster in the Alcoholism forums.I was going fairly regularly to AA but something was always missing. I had played down my almost constant use of sleeping pills and tranquilizers to deal with either my severe and life-long bouts of depression and insomnia. When I couldn't obtain pills I turned to alcohol even though it wasn't my first choice of drug. Eventually I was drinking to treat the depression and insomnia, AND the increasingly horrifying withdrawals from the pills. I began to buy pills online but becauseI wasn't taking 'street drugs' I didn't feel I belonged in NA. I was unclear if buying tablets online was strictly legal, and I suppressed the worry that I was a) possibly breaking the law and b) that my use of the pills was every bit as serious as taking heroin. I had not had any experience of being around street drug users, knew nothing of that culture, and all this led to me being isolated from every group.

Desperately lonely, abandoned increasingly by friends and family I didn't know what to do. I was further isolated by my atheism, and could get no sense of a higher power. People in AA would say my higher power could be anything I wanted- the sea, a tree etc. But I was lost at step three: How do you seriously turn your life and will over to a tree, for God's sake! No one could ever give me a satisfactory answer...

Last summer I began to experience manic episodes, for the second or third time in my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar ll and left all meetings. But where I live there are no groups for that disorder, so having lost my AA friends ( you are dropped like a stone if you leave - and it's very painful indeed). So I felt and still feel like a misfit that doesn't belong anywhere. I suppose I would be technically described as having 'Dual Diagnosis, but again no local groups, and not much even on this site. Not many recent posts that I can find.

I'm a widow of 59, still grieving my husband's death six years ago. My daughter lives 200 miles away and our relationship is virtually non existent; my two adult sons do live with me, as do a couple of lodger. But my eldest son has mental health problems, and my poor younger son has been my main support and is exhausted. So even though I don't technically live alone I feel it because I have no peer group, no social life at all, and the remaining friends I do have live miles away or abroad.

I know of things like SMART and Life-Ring, but I really do desperately need to bong to a group of people. I can spend days and days in my bedroom and it simply fosters more depression.

So I'm just asking for some advice and ideas really. Paradoxically although I yearn for friends and groups, I have a terrible resistance to joining clubs and societies, probably because I'm afraid of getting close to people only to be rejected, which I have been time and time again..I have asthma and COPD which further hampers my dailies, and am very overweight due to an atypical antipsychotic called Amisulpride which is great for the depression, but whenever I try to stop it the rebound depression is so crippling, worse than the original depression it is impossible. The rebound depression starts around 24 hours after the last tablet. . My doctors are out of ideas, and the psychiatrist too. I live in the UK, and our health system, the famous NHS is falling apart.

Is there anyone who could please, please help me?
Thank you for reading this long probably boring epistle of despair and no doubt what many will see as a rambling account of self pity...

Sally

Dee74

Hi Sally,
I'm a little confused too - do you mean bond with people in a recovery sense or just in a friendship sense?

If you want group threads here at SR I can recommend some
As far as posting, post where you feel comfortable - there's no need to stick to one forum either

D

Coldfusion

Well, if you're looking for an answer here at SoberRecovery, there are many threads you could join to share your challenges and receive support. But one in particular comes to mind, and it is in fact the longest-running thread here at SoberRecovery. Please don't be offended by the title--you'll find some great folks there!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...takes-all.html

Sally1009

Thanks Dee,
The simplest answer I can give is that I am searching for both a recovery group where I can get real identification, plus a group of friends who are not necessarily addicts. Like from an art group or reading group. Places where I could go to eventually build up some good people in my life with whom I can have fun with, confide in and all that goes with friendship. I'm dangerously cut off from human contact at the moment.

Dee74

I hope some people with a knowledge of the UK will be able to help Sally

D

Sally1009

Thanks for that- very funny! 😀