Admitting there's a problem.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 4
Admitting there's a problem.
Hi,
Just joined, in the UK, but Google pointed me to forum posts that I could relate to so here I am.
I've been drinking since I was 16 and I'm now 44. Lager/beer mostly. My whole social set-up is based around alcohol. It's not an uncommon UK position to be in, but I'm now finding it is affecting me more and more and I think I need to stop.
I used to get hangovers and take them as part of the whole drinking cycle. One day and back to normal. I don't drink everyday so no harm done was my feeling.
Now things are different. I don't crave a drink, I start a day swearing I wont drink. I'll leave work and come straight home. I really don't want one. Then as the day drags I get messages from co-workers "quick beer after work?" I dont seem to be able to say "no". Then its not a quick beer, in fact I almost feel cheated if the people I go with want to leave before I feel satisfied. This isnt everyday. Maybe 2 out of 5 days. I've also gone for lunchtime drinks and just not returned to work. Nature of my job means I can cover this up, but its not something I want to do.
Then there's the next day(s). I awake feeling I havent slept. Usual hangover feelings in affect, but also a crushing anxiety. Partly from the guilt of annoying my wife, missing my kids bedtime and maybe skipping work, but its more than just that. It's all encompassing. I can't work effectively, I can't think past the anxiety. I lose myself on the internet, surfing for anything that will take my mind from the here and now. Often the anxiety is worse on the second day after. I then also cant sleep properly, although I am so tired. I have fitful bouts of sleep and awake sweating and again anxious. Agfter a couple more days I'm back to 'normal'... thats if I havent started the whole process back over in the meantime.
At this point I hate the thought of drinking. I wish I could give up, but wonder how I'll fill the gap in my life. Ideally I could just have a fews social beers and call it a night. More and more I think this is probably impossible.
Really intertested in if others experienced the same/similar and how they coped.
Cheers
Steve
Just joined, in the UK, but Google pointed me to forum posts that I could relate to so here I am.
I've been drinking since I was 16 and I'm now 44. Lager/beer mostly. My whole social set-up is based around alcohol. It's not an uncommon UK position to be in, but I'm now finding it is affecting me more and more and I think I need to stop.
I used to get hangovers and take them as part of the whole drinking cycle. One day and back to normal. I don't drink everyday so no harm done was my feeling.
Now things are different. I don't crave a drink, I start a day swearing I wont drink. I'll leave work and come straight home. I really don't want one. Then as the day drags I get messages from co-workers "quick beer after work?" I dont seem to be able to say "no". Then its not a quick beer, in fact I almost feel cheated if the people I go with want to leave before I feel satisfied. This isnt everyday. Maybe 2 out of 5 days. I've also gone for lunchtime drinks and just not returned to work. Nature of my job means I can cover this up, but its not something I want to do.
Then there's the next day(s). I awake feeling I havent slept. Usual hangover feelings in affect, but also a crushing anxiety. Partly from the guilt of annoying my wife, missing my kids bedtime and maybe skipping work, but its more than just that. It's all encompassing. I can't work effectively, I can't think past the anxiety. I lose myself on the internet, surfing for anything that will take my mind from the here and now. Often the anxiety is worse on the second day after. I then also cant sleep properly, although I am so tired. I have fitful bouts of sleep and awake sweating and again anxious. Agfter a couple more days I'm back to 'normal'... thats if I havent started the whole process back over in the meantime.
At this point I hate the thought of drinking. I wish I could give up, but wonder how I'll fill the gap in my life. Ideally I could just have a fews social beers and call it a night. More and more I think this is probably impossible.
Really intertested in if others experienced the same/similar and how they coped.
Cheers
Steve
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome Steve 
I think many of us can identify with the progression you've experienced. I'm sure you realise it won't get better only worse if you continue drinking.
I had a lot of gap to fill when I quit - I would drink all day everyday...
but you make changes and you find things to do and you get in contact with a you you thought you lost...rather than being bored, I simply don;t have enough hours in the day to do what I want to do these days.
It's the difference between living and simply existing.
I know it's scary - but none of us would have stayed sober if we felt we lost out on the deal.
The first few weeks, the transition stage, is not much fun - but you're not alone here
I'm glad you found us
D
I think many of us can identify with the progression you've experienced. I'm sure you realise it won't get better only worse if you continue drinking.
I had a lot of gap to fill when I quit - I would drink all day everyday...
but you make changes and you find things to do and you get in contact with a you you thought you lost...rather than being bored, I simply don;t have enough hours in the day to do what I want to do these days.
It's the difference between living and simply existing.
I know it's scary - but none of us would have stayed sober if we felt we lost out on the deal.
The first few weeks, the transition stage, is not much fun - but you're not alone here
I'm glad you found us
D
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
Dee said it all. I might add that in honestly assessing my drinking I found that "having a few socially" was never part of my history and I DID give it my best effort. No real need to try THAT again. Also, it's not so much giving up something as it is GAINING a whole new life.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Hi Steve
There are a number of us here from he UK.
I think there is a lot of pressure on us to drink.
For me every celebration - birthdays, christmas, holidays, exam success, even funerals - seem to centre on having a drink.
I have a child and I think that sometimes when you have children, there is less time for other activities and hobbies so there is even more time to drink.
For me drink created anxiety and depression.
Drink made me unhappy.
I worked full time, I'm a single mum.
I never felt like I did anything to my best ability.
I was always a bit hungover.
I never really felt proud of myself.
Although I didn't loose my job, or my home or my friends, I did things that made me feel guilty because I knew drink was the reason why.
I went home early from work or went to work late - I had that type of job too.
Anyway.....one day I decided I had had enough and the fact was drink made me unhappy.
It didn't matter whether I was an alcoholic, a binge drinker, alcohol abuser whatever - drink made me sad and unhappy and that was enough to stop.
I stopped for a month and much preferred how my life was.
I was 3 years without a drink in Feb 2015.
I go to bed feeling proud of myself.
I wake up with no anxiety.
Life is not perfect - I have gone through my relationship breaking up and been made redundant in the time I have not drunk.
Life is a bit quieter - I don't tend to go out if the focus is just drinking.
However I would not swap the peace of mind I have no for those horrible boozy days where I woke up and my first thought is what did I say, what did I do?
I would suggest you read here a lot and learn all you can about alcohol.
I'm glad you found us and I wish you the best xx
There are a number of us here from he UK.
I think there is a lot of pressure on us to drink.
For me every celebration - birthdays, christmas, holidays, exam success, even funerals - seem to centre on having a drink.
I have a child and I think that sometimes when you have children, there is less time for other activities and hobbies so there is even more time to drink.
For me drink created anxiety and depression.
Drink made me unhappy.
I worked full time, I'm a single mum.
I never felt like I did anything to my best ability.
I was always a bit hungover.
I never really felt proud of myself.
Although I didn't loose my job, or my home or my friends, I did things that made me feel guilty because I knew drink was the reason why.
I went home early from work or went to work late - I had that type of job too.
Anyway.....one day I decided I had had enough and the fact was drink made me unhappy.
It didn't matter whether I was an alcoholic, a binge drinker, alcohol abuser whatever - drink made me sad and unhappy and that was enough to stop.
I stopped for a month and much preferred how my life was.
I was 3 years without a drink in Feb 2015.
I go to bed feeling proud of myself.
I wake up with no anxiety.
Life is not perfect - I have gone through my relationship breaking up and been made redundant in the time I have not drunk.
Life is a bit quieter - I don't tend to go out if the focus is just drinking.
However I would not swap the peace of mind I have no for those horrible boozy days where I woke up and my first thought is what did I say, what did I do?
I would suggest you read here a lot and learn all you can about alcohol.
I'm glad you found us and I wish you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 154
Also from UK, I wish wish wish I could drink socially , there's a part of me that tells me one day I will be able to but I know that is a trick of my mind. I can't. So I had to quit and it's 2 weeks today . It's the best decision I have made in many years. I understand that anxiety, the itch to find a way to drink and the guilt and everything else that goes along with it.
This site has helped me. Many nice, helpful and understanding people here. It's a lifeline to many
T
This site has helped me. Many nice, helpful and understanding people here. It's a lifeline to many
T
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I have been right where you are....
But I kept going for several more years.
It got worse and worse and worse....
You are at a critical point; you see the writing on the wall and want to follow its message - yet there is a voice in you whispering how it's not 'that bad...' And things have yet to get truly so bad that your life is in danger of ruin....
That is quite a trap.
Makes it so hard to do what needs to be done to get out; a total commitment to sobriety.
But you CAN do it.
Last time I was in London I was sober.. It was my best ever visit to the UK. Yeah the social fabric of the nation is woven with boozy threads..... But you can choose another path and find it immensely rewarding. I know, because I have.
Go in and go ALL IN with sobriety now.... I guarantee you will not regret it.
And welcome.
But I kept going for several more years.
It got worse and worse and worse....
You are at a critical point; you see the writing on the wall and want to follow its message - yet there is a voice in you whispering how it's not 'that bad...' And things have yet to get truly so bad that your life is in danger of ruin....
That is quite a trap.
Makes it so hard to do what needs to be done to get out; a total commitment to sobriety.
But you CAN do it.
Last time I was in London I was sober.. It was my best ever visit to the UK. Yeah the social fabric of the nation is woven with boozy threads..... But you can choose another path and find it immensely rewarding. I know, because I have.
Go in and go ALL IN with sobriety now.... I guarantee you will not regret it.
And welcome.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome to what can be a great life.
You labeled your post “admitting there’s a problem.” I and many had made that observation before doing something about it.
For me it started with being honest with myself about my drinking, not always easy thinking our best friend has turned on us,
Next I needed to accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row. Simple, not easy all the time
In order to achieve sobriety I needed to work and change the reasons alcohol kept beckoning me for “just one.”
The result of this work can result in many fulfilled dreams.
BE WELL
You labeled your post “admitting there’s a problem.” I and many had made that observation before doing something about it.
For me it started with being honest with myself about my drinking, not always easy thinking our best friend has turned on us,
Next I needed to accept the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row. Simple, not easy all the time
In order to achieve sobriety I needed to work and change the reasons alcohol kept beckoning me for “just one.”
The result of this work can result in many fulfilled dreams.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 173
Hi Steve - welcome to SR. I'm new to sobriety (in feb) after 30+ years drinking on some level - many years of it quite social/fairly innocent looking drinking. And, like you a lot of it work related. It didnt really affect my career...But like many have already said in their responses to you...it does simply get worse. The fact you're asking some good questions of yourself and you have found us here seems you're enough aware that maybe its time to get some real help to stop?
What you say at the end of your initial post is important...you say you worry about what will fill the gap of not drinking... This is very hard. Its why most people here on the site advise on creating a plan to help fill that gap - with new routines and experiences - in time. Although I am only 42 days into sobriety (today - yippee!) - its the developing of a such a plan for myself thats been my daily saviour... Maybe one of the other posters will forward you some good links that'll help you get started on putting together your own (I don't know how to do the link sorry).
I hope you'll hang around here...there's always an understanding ear, and loads of good advice on what might help - especially from those who have been sober a lo...nnnn...g time...x
What you say at the end of your initial post is important...you say you worry about what will fill the gap of not drinking... This is very hard. Its why most people here on the site advise on creating a plan to help fill that gap - with new routines and experiences - in time. Although I am only 42 days into sobriety (today - yippee!) - its the developing of a such a plan for myself thats been my daily saviour... Maybe one of the other posters will forward you some good links that'll help you get started on putting together your own (I don't know how to do the link sorry).
I hope you'll hang around here...there's always an understanding ear, and loads of good advice on what might help - especially from those who have been sober a lo...nnnn...g time...x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 4
Guys, thank you very much for taking the time to reply! It means a lot to have that understanding. Colleagues seem to want me back on the beer more than trying to help me stop and my wife listens, but doesnt get it. She's just fed up with the moods.
Out to lunch today and swapped wine for mineral water. Felt awkward and was frustrated, but stuck with it and was pleased afterwards. Wide awake for the afternoon which was nice.
Tomorrow is work however and thats the real test. There will be requests for a 'quick beer'. I like the idea of making soemthing to fill the time instead of the pub. Maybe I'll use that gym membership I pay for... if i can rmemeber where the place is.
Thanks again
Steve
Out to lunch today and swapped wine for mineral water. Felt awkward and was frustrated, but stuck with it and was pleased afterwards. Wide awake for the afternoon which was nice.
Tomorrow is work however and thats the real test. There will be requests for a 'quick beer'. I like the idea of making soemthing to fill the time instead of the pub. Maybe I'll use that gym membership I pay for... if i can rmemeber where the place is.
Thanks again
Steve
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: London
Posts: 4
Failed. Day's activities ended early. Pub proposed. Feeling wanted to go home, but all reasoning of past days blocked out and went there. Strong lager pint on pint. Others left and so did I but feel angry again. Will be anxious and tired tomorrow.
Did speak to colleagues again about issue. They could identify, but just pass it off as "it's only a few".
Wife fed up, I'm fed up at her being fed up and so the circle goes on.
Tomorrows another day and Ill see what happens.
Hope everyone okay out there.
Good night
Steve
Did speak to colleagues again about issue. They could identify, but just pass it off as "it's only a few".
Wife fed up, I'm fed up at her being fed up and so the circle goes on.
Tomorrows another day and Ill see what happens.
Hope everyone okay out there.
Good night
Steve
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
You need to get yourself a day one.
Then build on it with day 2, day 3, day 4, a week, a fortnight....etc.
The longer I did, the less I wanted to drink.
I'm glad you came back here.
Many post once and never again.
Its not failure.
If it was so easy, this place wouldn't exist would it?
Tomorrow is another day and could be your day 1 if you want it to be!
Wishing you the best xx
Then build on it with day 2, day 3, day 4, a week, a fortnight....etc.
The longer I did, the less I wanted to drink.
I'm glad you came back here.
Many post once and never again.
Its not failure.
If it was so easy, this place wouldn't exist would it?
Tomorrow is another day and could be your day 1 if you want it to be!
Wishing you the best xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Stebbit, I had to chuckle a little bit. I saw your post about work, and the very next post started "failed". That was quick.
Anyway, I can relate to your situation, when the physical effects go from hangover to anxiety and rapid heartbeat, and what I call impending doom like something bad is going to happen, its time to pay attention. That's when I found this site, I didn't join for months, but I was here reading and reading. I wish you the best
Anyway, I can relate to your situation, when the physical effects go from hangover to anxiety and rapid heartbeat, and what I call impending doom like something bad is going to happen, its time to pay attention. That's when I found this site, I didn't join for months, but I was here reading and reading. I wish you the best
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
Here are a few things that might help.
Set a date on which you will quit. In preparation for that specific date tell everyone you know that this is the the last quit date, EVERYONE. Do at least one thing every single day to support your sobriety (perhaps post here on this site). Learn about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). If you develop a great deal of anxiety or depression after you quit, have it treated by a professional. If you need support, go to an AA meeting and talk to other people who have had problems with alcohol.
In short, be active in your recovery. Fill it with things that you DO (like those suggestions above). Not with things that you don't do (e.g. not drink drink, not go to pubs etc ).
If the plan does not work, alter it and try something new.
All the best to you.
Set a date on which you will quit. In preparation for that specific date tell everyone you know that this is the the last quit date, EVERYONE. Do at least one thing every single day to support your sobriety (perhaps post here on this site). Learn about PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome). If you develop a great deal of anxiety or depression after you quit, have it treated by a professional. If you need support, go to an AA meeting and talk to other people who have had problems with alcohol.
In short, be active in your recovery. Fill it with things that you DO (like those suggestions above). Not with things that you don't do (e.g. not drink drink, not go to pubs etc ).
If the plan does not work, alter it and try something new.
All the best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I've done the 4am early starts from drink induced anxiety.
I don't miss them.
Can you organise something after work so you have no choice but to avoid the pub?
Maybe meet your wife and kids and go somewhere?
You will get there.
I believe in you xx
I don't miss them.
Can you organise something after work so you have no choice but to avoid the pub?
Maybe meet your wife and kids and go somewhere?
You will get there.
I believe in you xx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Steve the funny thing about not drinking is that you find out how many people don't drink and it's a lot more than you think.
You're a smart guy to realise at 44 that it might be time to stop, it took me until 57, it was one of the best decisions of my life -- even though I was a slow learner.
You're a smart guy to realise at 44 that it might be time to stop, it took me until 57, it was one of the best decisions of my life -- even though I was a slow learner.
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