How do you reward yourself?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 709
First of all, congrats on almost 4 months!! I guess I'm not the only one "rewarding" myself with ice cream. Look at it this way: waking up without a hangover is a reward -- every single day, lol! Actually, I don't really reward myself for not drinking but I make sure I indulge in other sensory pleasures: a new scented candle or perfume, nice sheets, a good book (very important!), and just generally being gentle with myself. At least for now.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,046
I don't even reward myself I used to but now if I want a book or something as long as I have my bills paid & my savings for the month il just buy a book or like yesterday I went out got a new saw a Jr hacksaw & some other bits not a reward but my toolbag didn't complain
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
I just paid off two credit cards yesterday and man it felt good! The immediate reward is that I felt like a burden of sorts was lifted and then it adds to my overall peace whenever I take any steps toward "financial peace". It feels good to sit down and do the budget and not feel like you are walking such a tightrope. How am I gonna reward myself? Hmmm. I don't know yet. Maybe wait until after I finish paying all the bills for this month and balance everything out. Then, I might treat myself to some nice comfy spring/summer shoes to go for long walks in while keeping my feet cool. Gotta take care of the FEET! Maybe shop at the health food store for some good skin care products. Maybe get a new book; a new pillow (a good one). Maybe get a bunch of flowers and make a creative bouquet....get some new strings for my guitar....get a new music CD....get some artisan bread....go out to dinner....etc, etc.
Those difficult conversations are tough. You never know how they will turn out. Good job Jeni.
Those difficult conversations are tough. You never know how they will turn out. Good job Jeni.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thanks guys. I've reflected a bit and decided that I'm actually quite impatient...it was a bit of a revelation because I always thought I was a master at patience and tolerance...turns out not so when it comes to myself.
I want to be free of my addictive thinking and I want it like yesterday. Think I need to slow down, accept I'm on a journey of self-discovery, and start enjoying the ride.
Living a sober life in this beautiful world is just amazing. Sitting out in my garden listening to the birds sing is just reward itself.
I want to be free of my addictive thinking and I want it like yesterday. Think I need to slow down, accept I'm on a journey of self-discovery, and start enjoying the ride.
Living a sober life in this beautiful world is just amazing. Sitting out in my garden listening to the birds sing is just reward itself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Jeni26 
Thanks. And I think you are right about not being able to just feel relieved that something went well, it doesn't feel enough, and I probably need to think about that.
i would find it rather selfish to reward myself for living how i should have my entire life. a prayer of "thank you,God" is pretty good for me.
after all, Hes running the show now
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
I can relate to your post Jeni. I had this conversation with someone on the board my last time through here.
As a child I lived for the next holiday. Once a holiday was over I already was counting the days to the next. The reward system was in gear for me at a very young age. Not to mention that as a child didn't most parents reward for doing the right thing?
As I got older although drinking at first was done for fun, it quickly became something that I felt entitled to because I had worked hard all week. That and it's what all the big kids are doing right? Having that "adult beverage" to reward themselves for all the work they've done? Commercials about alcohol use this concept all the time. "It's 5:00, and it's Friday, it's MILLER TIME!". So who wouldn't understand that we grow to look at alcohol as a reward for being good? Works for some of the population, not so much for others like you and me.
So, in getting sober it feels like an entire reward system has been taken away from us which makes it that much harder. We work hard, we do the right thing, and we come to expect that because of that we deserve to do whatever the hell we please. It's hard to realign that way of thinking.
The best I can to is to tell you that in the 17 months that I had in before my relapse I did eventually come to find alternatives to considering alcohol to be a reward. What used to bore the hell out of me on a weekend (having take out for dinner and watching a movie) slowly became something that I looked forward to. Oh yes, chocolate and ice cream became part of that list too. Have to be careful there because eventually the pants tell you that's the wrong decision, at least all the time.
The more you work on recovery the more you'll find other systems of reward that you didn't think were anything near that previously. What I felt was a reward too was waking up in the morning not feeling like crap. Always fully accountable for my actions.
Hang in there, it's a major adjustment. It's tough to read why do you think you should get a reward, why wasn't the good conversation itself enough? That answer is simple. Because you're adjusting and learning and you're ridding yourself of the reward concept. Learning how to divert your mindset from drinking being a reward. It's hard. I totally understand.
As time passes you'll see that the little, simple things in life replace what you used to perceive as a reward. I understand that you want to already be there but think about this. If sobriety and recovery were easy and we could all be where we wanted when we wanted there wouldn't be a need for recovery programs or this board.
You're doing really hard work and succeeding, that is a huge reward in itself!
As a child I lived for the next holiday. Once a holiday was over I already was counting the days to the next. The reward system was in gear for me at a very young age. Not to mention that as a child didn't most parents reward for doing the right thing?
As I got older although drinking at first was done for fun, it quickly became something that I felt entitled to because I had worked hard all week. That and it's what all the big kids are doing right? Having that "adult beverage" to reward themselves for all the work they've done? Commercials about alcohol use this concept all the time. "It's 5:00, and it's Friday, it's MILLER TIME!". So who wouldn't understand that we grow to look at alcohol as a reward for being good? Works for some of the population, not so much for others like you and me.
So, in getting sober it feels like an entire reward system has been taken away from us which makes it that much harder. We work hard, we do the right thing, and we come to expect that because of that we deserve to do whatever the hell we please. It's hard to realign that way of thinking.
The best I can to is to tell you that in the 17 months that I had in before my relapse I did eventually come to find alternatives to considering alcohol to be a reward. What used to bore the hell out of me on a weekend (having take out for dinner and watching a movie) slowly became something that I looked forward to. Oh yes, chocolate and ice cream became part of that list too. Have to be careful there because eventually the pants tell you that's the wrong decision, at least all the time.
The more you work on recovery the more you'll find other systems of reward that you didn't think were anything near that previously. What I felt was a reward too was waking up in the morning not feeling like crap. Always fully accountable for my actions.
Hang in there, it's a major adjustment. It's tough to read why do you think you should get a reward, why wasn't the good conversation itself enough? That answer is simple. Because you're adjusting and learning and you're ridding yourself of the reward concept. Learning how to divert your mindset from drinking being a reward. It's hard. I totally understand.
As time passes you'll see that the little, simple things in life replace what you used to perceive as a reward. I understand that you want to already be there but think about this. If sobriety and recovery were easy and we could all be where we wanted when we wanted there wouldn't be a need for recovery programs or this board.
You're doing really hard work and succeeding, that is a huge reward in itself!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: virgin islands
Posts: 148
I've come to the realization that there is something in me that makes things more addictive. Be it drinking, smoking, eating certain unhealthy foods, and even other behaviors. With smoking I used a patch to help me quit, that and a the love of a good woman. With drinking I planned my quit, researched everything I could, and found support in the fellowship of AA.
With these other things, I sometimes still struggle. I can tell myself, don't do it, just have one, you don't need a second one, or .... But sometimes I just don't have the strength or willpower. I'm not overweight but I do realize that some habits are unhealthy - just like I was with drinking.
I find I need to be more focused to apply the same things I've learned about drinking to all the other small addictions in my life. This means making new habits. Having plans on how to deal with the feelings of desire. Avoiding certain temptations. It's these things that will help me lead a healthier life and is just the way I have to deal with my addictive self.
PS. I'm learning there is a big difference between pleasure and happiness. Some things bring us momentary pleasure, but cause us anxiety and other bad feelings. Happiness is a very different pursuit that cannot be found in a piece of chocolate, or the bottom of a glass.
With these other things, I sometimes still struggle. I can tell myself, don't do it, just have one, you don't need a second one, or .... But sometimes I just don't have the strength or willpower. I'm not overweight but I do realize that some habits are unhealthy - just like I was with drinking.
I find I need to be more focused to apply the same things I've learned about drinking to all the other small addictions in my life. This means making new habits. Having plans on how to deal with the feelings of desire. Avoiding certain temptations. It's these things that will help me lead a healthier life and is just the way I have to deal with my addictive self.
PS. I'm learning there is a big difference between pleasure and happiness. Some things bring us momentary pleasure, but cause us anxiety and other bad feelings. Happiness is a very different pursuit that cannot be found in a piece of chocolate, or the bottom of a glass.
Last edited by anotherquitter; 05-20-2016 at 11:50 AM. Reason: (more to add)
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: FL
Posts: 28
I think that it is very important to "reward" oneself an celebrate, especially early in recovery.
In my opinion, these are ways to practice kindness towards yourself and this is something that many of us lack when we arrive here. Self-kindness, however, necessitates that we not replace one damaging behavior with another (i.e. too much sugar).
What has been working for me as small gifts/rewards:
quiet time for myself- with coffee or tea (essential for me)
borrowing a fun book from the library
Splurging on "fancier" coffee... and grinding the beans fresh
A bouquet of flowers. My local grocery has them for $4 or less. Put them somewhere where you will see them every day. Always makes me smile.
A new face mask or lotion. I personally like the sample packs that most stores sell next to the full-size versions.
New shade of nail polish and an at home mani/pedi. Makes me feel polished and put-together.
Fancy loose leaf teas. If there's one within a day-trip of you, try to find a specialty tea shop. Go and sniff the jars of tea and sample until you find several you like. Have the shopkeep teach you how to prepare them. Make an event of it. I have a small collection now, with several that I reserve for rewards/special occasions.
Full-out celebrations:
Fancy dinner at a new place, or favorite place.
Purchasing extravagant food that I normally wouldn't purchase: lobster, grouper, the best steak in the counter, etc. and preparing a gourmet meal at home.
Experiences: think spas, adventure tours, getaways, etc. Groupon and livingsocial are great for this is you are confident you can navigate past the booze groupons.
And this was lengthy and estrogen-centric in looking at this list, lol. Just my $0.02 and I hope someone finds it helpful!
In my opinion, these are ways to practice kindness towards yourself and this is something that many of us lack when we arrive here. Self-kindness, however, necessitates that we not replace one damaging behavior with another (i.e. too much sugar).
What has been working for me as small gifts/rewards:
quiet time for myself- with coffee or tea (essential for me)
borrowing a fun book from the library
Splurging on "fancier" coffee... and grinding the beans fresh
A bouquet of flowers. My local grocery has them for $4 or less. Put them somewhere where you will see them every day. Always makes me smile.
A new face mask or lotion. I personally like the sample packs that most stores sell next to the full-size versions.
New shade of nail polish and an at home mani/pedi. Makes me feel polished and put-together.
Fancy loose leaf teas. If there's one within a day-trip of you, try to find a specialty tea shop. Go and sniff the jars of tea and sample until you find several you like. Have the shopkeep teach you how to prepare them. Make an event of it. I have a small collection now, with several that I reserve for rewards/special occasions.
Full-out celebrations:
Fancy dinner at a new place, or favorite place.
Purchasing extravagant food that I normally wouldn't purchase: lobster, grouper, the best steak in the counter, etc. and preparing a gourmet meal at home.
Experiences: think spas, adventure tours, getaways, etc. Groupon and livingsocial are great for this is you are confident you can navigate past the booze groupons.
And this was lengthy and estrogen-centric in looking at this list, lol. Just my $0.02 and I hope someone finds it helpful!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,065
Hi Jeni,
Just wanted to pop in and say hello! You and I started on SR around the same time, and I am glad we are both back and doing well with sobriety!
My rewards are going for a walk, escaping to read a book, or bubble bath. I have also lost 30 pounds and have rewarded myself with a few purchases at my favorite resale shop. I had originally put all of my "I am going to fit back into those clothes again," in bags in the garage, they were on cabinets, and some were stacked. My husband cleaned the garage one day and donated all of my clothes to Goodwill!! After a few deep breaths I settled on a reward for losing weight, and not drinking since NYE has kick started my weight loss akin with Weight Watchers.
Have a great Saturday!!!
❤️ Delilah
Just wanted to pop in and say hello! You and I started on SR around the same time, and I am glad we are both back and doing well with sobriety!
My rewards are going for a walk, escaping to read a book, or bubble bath. I have also lost 30 pounds and have rewarded myself with a few purchases at my favorite resale shop. I had originally put all of my "I am going to fit back into those clothes again," in bags in the garage, they were on cabinets, and some were stacked. My husband cleaned the garage one day and donated all of my clothes to Goodwill!! After a few deep breaths I settled on a reward for losing weight, and not drinking since NYE has kick started my weight loss akin with Weight Watchers.
Have a great Saturday!!!
❤️ Delilah
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 937
Ok. For some reason this thread makes me feel a little huffy. 
Yes, as addicts, we probably have an unhealthy expectation to be "rewarded" for a week well-spent (sober, productive, etc). Yes, as we grow in sobriety, the idea is probably to relinquish that expectation, and realize we're adults and should no longer need a "gold star" for simply behaving as we should have been behaving all along.
But maybe the real question here is - what do we sober folks do for "fun" on days off? What are some new activities to engage in purely for pleasure? I think there are some good answers on the thread, but mixed in with some of the answers was a form of judgement - "you should learn how to relinquish the expectation for rewards, and just sit and be at peace with yourself and the moment".
She's sober. She's making a good choice to be sober, and it's still early days. As long as the activities suggested are harmless, why pepper the suggestions with judgement?
Yes, as addicts, we probably have an unhealthy expectation to be "rewarded" for a week well-spent (sober, productive, etc). Yes, as we grow in sobriety, the idea is probably to relinquish that expectation, and realize we're adults and should no longer need a "gold star" for simply behaving as we should have been behaving all along.
But maybe the real question here is - what do we sober folks do for "fun" on days off? What are some new activities to engage in purely for pleasure? I think there are some good answers on the thread, but mixed in with some of the answers was a form of judgement - "you should learn how to relinquish the expectation for rewards, and just sit and be at peace with yourself and the moment".
She's sober. She's making a good choice to be sober, and it's still early days. As long as the activities suggested are harmless, why pepper the suggestions with judgement?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,453
I really think a lot of these "rewards" are great ideas to take care of ourselves. And that's wonderful!! I think a lot of us used to drink because we were punishing ourselves over something and didn't think we deserved to take care of ourselves.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Location: Oxnard
Posts: 173
Maybe instead of sugary snacks and sweets you should reward yourself with more healthy alternatives. I am super grateful my parents didn't give me a lot of candy growing up as a kid, but we certainly had a lot of fruits around. Maybe a good substitution for some of those unhealthy snacks would be some fruits instead?
I am big on weight-lifting and working out these days. Maybe you should make it a habit to reward yourself with a workout outdoors or at a gym? It's helped me out a lot. I have dropped 20 pounds in the process and a lot of body fat to go with it.
I am big on weight-lifting and working out these days. Maybe you should make it a habit to reward yourself with a workout outdoors or at a gym? It's helped me out a lot. I have dropped 20 pounds in the process and a lot of body fat to go with it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 2,605
Hi Jeni, I so hear ya on the chocolate thing. Honestly my first 6 to 9 months, I just didn't fight the chocolate urge and I did put on weight. I was able to sort of taper down my chocolate after those initial months. Now I try to avoid sugar altogether, on most days, because it does provoke sugar cravings. I'll still occasionally have a small bit of chocolate.
I don't know if that's the best way to go or not ... I am now working the weight back off, and I stayed sober, so it kinda worked. Maybe if I had been able to substitute fruit instead of chocolate, that would have been better ... but I did what I could.
I have been trying to change my mindset to "reward" myself with taking a walk, which sounds odd but it's kinda working. "Oh, I've done some good office work today, I'm going to play hooky for a whole hour and take a nice relaxing walk." Maybe that works for me because I'm a workaholic, so anything besides office work is a treat!
I don't know if that's the best way to go or not ... I am now working the weight back off, and I stayed sober, so it kinda worked. Maybe if I had been able to substitute fruit instead of chocolate, that would have been better ... but I did what I could.
I have been trying to change my mindset to "reward" myself with taking a walk, which sounds odd but it's kinda working. "Oh, I've done some good office work today, I'm going to play hooky for a whole hour and take a nice relaxing walk." Maybe that works for me because I'm a workaholic, so anything besides office work is a treat!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Well, for those that think people rewarding themselves shouldn't be necessary, maybe think about it this way. Everybody rewards themselves all the time, whether they are an alcoholic or not. A lot of the things people have mentioned that they do to reward themselves are things nonalcoholics do to. They just might not think of it as a reward. Maybe the difference is that alcoholics have deprived themselves of doing normal activities for so long that they see these activities as special. I think it's like someone that hasn't had a decent meal is a long time, and finally gets the chance to go to a nice restaurant for a great dinner. John
NA Member - Atheist
Join Date: Feb 2016
Location: Middletown CT USA
Posts: 770
Reward yourself with a new sponsor.
The best reward that recovery has given me is myself. Being able to look in the mirror and being able to sleep at night are priceless commodities.
That said, I have a bit of an ice cream thing going on at the moment.
The best reward that recovery has given me is myself. Being able to look in the mirror and being able to sleep at night are priceless commodities.
That said, I have a bit of an ice cream thing going on at the moment.
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