Delizadee

Screw sobriety. I am done. I give up. I want to drink. I want to throw away my hard earned near six weeks of sobriety. No. I don't just want throw it away. I want to SMASH it to smithereens.

I want to get so wasted that I don't remember the next 2 or 3 weeks. I want to detox myself again, until the worst of it goes away and then bender again and then detox again. Why? Because real life sucks. I'd rather go through the hell of detox because I seem to know that business better than the business of REALLY LIFE. I am good at something!! I'm a fantastic drunk! Look at me walking around with a funnel in my mouth, bottomless pit for the booze and the money!!! BRING ME MY BOOZE!! F U SOBRIETY!!!! Take my six weeks and shovery it!!! Let me forget again!!! Screw life!!






Wow, that sounds completely ridiculous. Shew! I needed to get that tantrum out.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now.
G'night sober peeps.

(Sorry Dee. We were locked out of class. )

GardenGal

DON'T DO IT!!!

Yep, life can definitely suck, but it sucks worse when you can't deal with it properly due to booze.

Stay the sober course, Ddee!

Delizadee

I have so many failsafes in place to avoid drinking I have yet to pick up a drink in those moments.

I'm snowed in with two dead vehicles and a sleeping babe. So I'm stuck.

I don't really want all that bs anyways.
There really is something to this telling on av for me. It kills the urge as soon as I've tattled to someone, anyone my thoughts.

It's embarrassing, but there you have it. Too much other crap going on in my life to waste much more time with that nonsense.

SansaS

You're scaring me!

least

I hope you don't drink.

Delfin

I can't remember who it it is, but somebody here always reminds people that these are all just thoughts, and we don't have to act on them. I found that realization to be so helpful; it just took all the power away from the thoughts. So, when I have those thoughts (and I do at times), I watch them come and wait, and watch them go...
Keep posting if you feel like you're in danger.

Delfin

zlhzlh

Read the thread again peeps.....he's not gonna drink!!! Nice work Del.

venuscat

Wo Delizadee....you scared me!!


I'm glad I got to the end of your post(s).

Lostmyoffswitch

You scared me too until I got to the end! Sometimes it's good to be snowed in. As long as you're not snowed in with the booze!

venuscat

Mind you...it' a pretty awesome post Del.
If I wanted to drink tonight...I think reading that would deter me pretty quickly.

I got awfully good at that roller coaster as well. I knew how to do it. And I didn't know how to do much else. Reading that is a really good reminder of how messed up that thinking can be for me, and any of us.

Soberwolf

Drinking is never the answer

Dee74

Many people do fall by the wayside cos they think this is as good as life will get.

Of course that's not true. Early recovery is a difficult but definitely finite period of transition.

It does, and will get better

D

Delizadee

Thanks guys! still sober.

I had to get that out and shut it up. There's too much other crap going on in my life, legal things, emotional family things, that I do not want to and cannot afford to deal with by or while drinking. But those thoughts coming into my head when I am already running on 200% bad feelings and thoughts is overwhelming. I had to give it's stage so I could move past it. It worked.

Peace and serenity were hard won in early sobriety for me, so I'm going to do whatever I can right now to shift back into that. I'm staying my path tho, regardless of how I think or feel

Thanks for the listens guys.

Soberween

That is why getting sober is so difficult. Early sobriety is really tough and many throw in the towel and spiral down that rabbit hole only to have to slowly, but surely climb their way out again and again. You are at the top of the hole now, just try a little harder and you will be out completely. Now is the time to really fight for your sobriety. Now is the moment that separates you from the rest.... those who don't get sober. Just do it.

D122y

Crazy. I have those thoughts sometimes. Not as crazy, but same concept.

I am so clean, so much healthier.

I am dealing with life clean, not murking it up w booze.

It is tough because i am middle-aged and struggling w life skills that should have been well developed.

Frustrating.