poetlefemme

This is day 1 again. I relapsed after 15 months clean and I don't know why I can't do it now. I'm still not sure why i relapsed in the first place. I was the person I wanted to be. Happy, joyous and Free. Now 2 months later, the progression of my addiction is astounding. They aren't kidding when the say that it is a progressive disease. Its like I reverted right back to all my old negative habits. I am reading aa/na literature, praying, pleading, begging to please have God take over. I surrender on a daily basis and hate what kind of person I am. As soon as the drug entered my body, the lies came out of my mouth. I recently got married and I am terrified that he is going to give up on me before I can get a handle on this. The state I live in literally has 1 place to detox that is filled for weeks with a list already with hundreds of people waiting. I can't do this on my own. I have a sponsor, but it seems like she doesn't think I will ever be clean again. I'm grateful to have a working knowledge of the program:but I can't seem to apply it so it works. Congrats to all you newbies doing the dang thing. I only hope God sees fit to change me from the inside out before its too late.

least

Welcome to the family. Can you see a doctor for help in getting thru the withdrawals? You just need to break the cycle. I hope you can do it. There's a lot of support here.

Soberwolf

try this for cravings http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

If you have had 15 months you know you can do it im 15 months

Try this also http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

You really can get sober you have done its all about when not how

Good luck & Welcome to sober recovery

sprout50

You did it for 15 months-you can do it again. Come in here, read, post....if you want sobriety, you can have it again.

JanieJ

Hi, Poet, welcome. I'm a newbie here but have tried to quit dozens of times over the last few years. I didn't make more than three days. Got 17 days now, because of the wonderful support here. Try again, we will support you.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!! Great to have you onboard!!

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

You may be able to detox, with your drs okay, on your own. Check with your physician.

You said you don't know why you relapsed after 15 months, but I think it's going to be very important for you to figure it out. It could prevent another relapse.

I'm glad you're here and working on your recovery.

Nonsensical

I waited 25 years for a lightening bolt to strike me and take away my obsession to drink. It never came. Things got much better when I did some work and developed a plan that worked for me.

Pray, but move your feet. (an old African proverb)

You can do this.

Fly N Buy

God can move mountains, but we must grab a shovel.

Doctor = yes!
Drugs and alcohol = no......Start over at step one. Take your time - only one we need to do perfectly.

Makes no dif what your sponsor thinks. That person doesn't keep you sober!

Typically, I have heard from others that gained your length of sobriety that perhaps the duration of relapse isn't as bad.

You can do this, glad you're back!!

Dee74

welcome to SR poetlefemme

D

awuh1

I agree with Anna, but I would be even more emphatic. It is extremely important for you to come to an understanding of why you relapsed. There is a lesson in every mistake but you are bound to repeat the mistake without a lesson learned.

Notmyrealname

I had a couple cigarettes a week or so ago on a lark, after a week I was close to a pack a day. Started on the patch yesterday.

Really reminded me how easy it is to drop back into those old habits, probably the only positive part of the whole short-lived detour. Gotta say no and keep saying no.

escapethecycle2

Oh, my dear. Please don't beat yourself and don't surrender to anyone or anything but yourself. It's bad for your brain and heart. YOU are strong and have already realized that alcohol isn't for you. Sounds to me that something triggered this and your anxiety made you spiral. BREATHE. Everything is going to be okay. You "relapsed", yeah. But you have already abstained for so long that you know where the sobriety road ends up. Quitting is so hard for people who cant imagine being sober. You have your foot in the door and the door is open. Go back into your sanctuary of sanity and meditate on how happy you are as a sober person. Whenever you make excuses to cave in to alcohol, that is the disease. SAY: Shut the **** up BOOZE BRAIN! Say it enough times and your moments of life anxiety will become more manageable and the itch to drink will fade all over again. Its just a hump. PASS IT. MOVE ON.
Much love.
-Your friend in sobriety

oak

welcome! it is hard after a relapse. i relapsed after long sobriety too. the shame for me was intense. but after a little sobriety, it seemed a lot easier to stay sober because i had been sober before- kind of like i could access those earlier skills.

you still have all the experience and skills that you learned in 15 months of sobriety.

what can you do to get sober again? praying is helpful, but what footwork can you do? i agree with what an earlier poster said about motivation- motivation comes after action, not before. and you may well feel deprived, craving, etc. but you can get sober again.

keep posting!

poetlefemme

Wow.. thanks so much. I'm trying to enlarge my spiritual life, while abstaining. I've started to journal to try to understand the feelings.. and just let myself feel them without them controlling me. as of today, I don't really have a sponsor. What I really need to commit to is 90 meetings in 90 days. Meeting makers make it. That was part of the reason I relapsed. Thank you for the words of advice. I really appreciate you.. God bless you.

biminiblue

What caused you to drink again?

FreeOwl

you're still that person.

don't let the voice of addiction drag you into the trap of hating YOU.

Why can't you do it again?

BECAUSE YOU CAN!!!!!

starting RIGHT NOW.

Get on the program, get into ACTION, get to embracing clean and sober.

YOU.

CAN.

Soberwolf

You can do this pm anytime poet

Soberwolf

Well done Poetlafemme pm anytime friend

Soberwolf

Well done Poetlafemme pm anytime friend