30 Days Sober Log
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Thanks heaps guys, the continued support means a lot and helps a great deal.
Going home soon. Back to routine, I'm kinda looking forward to it.
The next step is to wean myself off technology. It's another crutch. If I feel down/anxious, I find comfort in my phone. It lets me sink into my own world, and block everything out. I've talked about this tendency before, but mentioned my daydreaming. It's all interconnected/related. I want to engage in the world more, the hard physical world, not my thoughts. Putting my phone away helped a lot, but it's tricky. I'm not sure how to attack this, it's gonna be challenging because it's a behaviour that's very entrenched. Perhaps I could start with a commitment to checking forums only once a day.
Going home soon. Back to routine, I'm kinda looking forward to it.
The next step is to wean myself off technology. It's another crutch. If I feel down/anxious, I find comfort in my phone. It lets me sink into my own world, and block everything out. I've talked about this tendency before, but mentioned my daydreaming. It's all interconnected/related. I want to engage in the world more, the hard physical world, not my thoughts. Putting my phone away helped a lot, but it's tricky. I'm not sure how to attack this, it's gonna be challenging because it's a behaviour that's very entrenched. Perhaps I could start with a commitment to checking forums only once a day.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 212
Read your blog from the beginning! Such an inspiration! I'm on day 10 today and I love how you give your day to day account! I noticed that you don't really call yourself an alcoholic nor do you say ' I quit' drinking for good! Is this a tactic that you do on purpose so that you aren't disappointed in case you do decide to pick up a drink? Just curious! Either way 200 days is amazing and I will be following you on your journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Thanks again guys. And Finding - awesome work buddy 
I'm going to take a break from the internet, so I may not post here for a while. However - I have made a few exceptions for use, & if I'm really craving a drink is one of them. I'll be on here in a flash.
I'm going through a bit of a down phase again at the moment, but like I've mentioned before - the downs are nowhere near as bad as they used to be. They suck, but they're not compounding like when I'd self medicate with alcohol. They remain even and improve fairly quickly with appropriate behavior (maintenance of routine, meditation, exercise, fresh air, healthy eating, reasonable treats [e.g chocolate])
Day 207
I'm going to take a break from the internet, so I may not post here for a while. However - I have made a few exceptions for use, & if I'm really craving a drink is one of them. I'll be on here in a flash.
I'm going through a bit of a down phase again at the moment, but like I've mentioned before - the downs are nowhere near as bad as they used to be. They suck, but they're not compounding like when I'd self medicate with alcohol. They remain even and improve fairly quickly with appropriate behavior (maintenance of routine, meditation, exercise, fresh air, healthy eating, reasonable treats [e.g chocolate])
Day 207
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Originally Posted by yacine14 
Read your blog from the beginning! Such an inspiration! I'm on day 10 today and I love how you give your day to day account! I noticed that you don't really call yourself an alcoholic nor do you say ' I quit' drinking for good! Is this a tactic that you do on purpose so that you aren't disappointed in case you do decide to pick up a drink? Just curious! Either way 200 days is amazing and I will be following you on your journey!
I do my best to take everything one day at a time. And that goes for a lot of things - gym, work, saving money ...and of course not drinking. Thinking about the future too much causes inaction, at least for me. You get lost in fantasy, in what could be. And it highlights how far away you are from where you want to be.
Focusing on just the day at hand makes you act, and it gives you something realistic to aim for. The cumulative affect of all these little daily successes is very powerful, and eventually they string together into something bigger.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 212
Esh! That makes total sense to take it one day at a time! And not to think too far ahead in the future; the power of now!
25 days for me and feeling great!! Love that I have finally made a decision to put the glass down!
Keep up the good work!
25 days for me and feeling great!! Love that I have finally made a decision to put the glass down!
Keep up the good work!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
I feel that I'm going to drink soon. I promised myself I'd post here if I was close to doing so ... So here I am.
Maybe laying my thoughts out will help. I'll try keep it brief.
Lately I've been thinking about power, and more narrowly social status & its affect on the brain and behavior. I believe people with large amounts of power are happier. I think they make better decisions, have more energy & feel less shame . They can get away with breaking the rules without being called out on it, and feel entitled to take what they want.
The reverse holds true for people with low status. They have anxiety. They're unsure of themselves. They don't take without asking. They aren't listened to. They're punished for minor transgressions.
Maybe these are just my experiences & I'm projecting them onto the rest of the world when I shouldn't. But I see this in action over and over again. It can't just be me.
People are wired to respond to confidence. Our brains change when we're confident, or in the presence of confident people. They change when we're submissive, or in the presence of submissive people. No matter how much we reflect and rationalize our behavior after the fact ... in the moment, in real time we're just a pack of ******* animals. Animal pack mentality rules over logic and reason.
The reason this makes me want to drink ... I can't be bothered fleshing it all out. But basically my thought process is drinking = more short term success with dating/women = higher status = brain changes = happiness. I want that big dick swag that comes from having multiple women. I've been conditioned to pretend that this isn't/shouldn't be what I want, and I've rationalized that deep down this isn't what I really want/this isn't really what will make me happy, but right now I think it would.
Of course, now that I've typed all that out, where it could all go wrong is suddenly more obvious too. It could go drinking = hungover/loss off energy/break in routine = loss of resources /loss of personal development = lower status = unhappiness.
Maybe it's not such a good idea. Part of me knows it isn't. But for some reason this time I feel backed into a corner. Something feels different inside of me, I have less hope. I need to sleep.
Maybe laying my thoughts out will help. I'll try keep it brief.
Lately I've been thinking about power, and more narrowly social status & its affect on the brain and behavior. I believe people with large amounts of power are happier. I think they make better decisions, have more energy & feel less shame . They can get away with breaking the rules without being called out on it, and feel entitled to take what they want.
The reverse holds true for people with low status. They have anxiety. They're unsure of themselves. They don't take without asking. They aren't listened to. They're punished for minor transgressions.
Maybe these are just my experiences & I'm projecting them onto the rest of the world when I shouldn't. But I see this in action over and over again. It can't just be me.
People are wired to respond to confidence. Our brains change when we're confident, or in the presence of confident people. They change when we're submissive, or in the presence of submissive people. No matter how much we reflect and rationalize our behavior after the fact ... in the moment, in real time we're just a pack of ******* animals. Animal pack mentality rules over logic and reason.
The reason this makes me want to drink ... I can't be bothered fleshing it all out. But basically my thought process is drinking = more short term success with dating/women = higher status = brain changes = happiness. I want that big dick swag that comes from having multiple women. I've been conditioned to pretend that this isn't/shouldn't be what I want, and I've rationalized that deep down this isn't what I really want/this isn't really what will make me happy, but right now I think it would.
Of course, now that I've typed all that out, where it could all go wrong is suddenly more obvious too. It could go drinking = hungover/loss off energy/break in routine = loss of resources /loss of personal development = lower status = unhappiness.
Maybe it's not such a good idea. Part of me knows it isn't. But for some reason this time I feel backed into a corner. Something feels different inside of me, I have less hope. I need to sleep.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
You know it's not a good idea.
I've seen the AV use libido before.
Forget about one or two drinks to loosen up - we never drank that way.
I'm yet to be convinced by anyone that we're at our best rolling drunk or that the people we might manage to pick up in those situations are at their best either.
I think you know deep down that drinking won;t bring you power - go back to your first posts and read through them - *thats* what drinking will bring you.
We're not simply animals either - however much that idea appeals to your AV right now.
Our cognitive abilities are very different from other animals. That's both good and bad,
I don't agree power will bring you happiness either.
In the sense that you use it, I have virtually no power at all - I'm not rich, I'm not famous.
I am happy tho - I make good decisions more often that not, I have motivation and drive, I'm at peace with myself and those around me, and I love my life and who I am.
and all that on a disability pension, no job, below the poverty line
I understand you may have different ideas. I'm just suggesting that maybe there are competing ideas about what makes happiness
to me, all this is just another AV con job eshgham.
Be smart.
Going back to drinking would be a backward step.
D
I've seen the AV use libido before.
Forget about one or two drinks to loosen up - we never drank that way.
I'm yet to be convinced by anyone that we're at our best rolling drunk or that the people we might manage to pick up in those situations are at their best either.
I think you know deep down that drinking won;t bring you power - go back to your first posts and read through them - *thats* what drinking will bring you.
We're not simply animals either - however much that idea appeals to your AV right now.
Our cognitive abilities are very different from other animals. That's both good and bad,
I don't agree power will bring you happiness either.
In the sense that you use it, I have virtually no power at all - I'm not rich, I'm not famous.
I am happy tho - I make good decisions more often that not, I have motivation and drive, I'm at peace with myself and those around me, and I love my life and who I am.
and all that on a disability pension, no job, below the poverty line
I understand you may have different ideas. I'm just suggesting that maybe there are competing ideas about what makes happiness
to me, all this is just another AV con job eshgham.
Be smart.
Going back to drinking would be a backward step.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 481
Thankyou guys.
I spoke to my on/off girlfriend last night & feel a bit better. If she could be with me I'd feel happier, and like my life has some direction. But she's Middle Eastern, I'm Australian ... different values, and most of all problems with long term visas for her here/me finding work over there. And anyway, like all relationships there would be problems even if we were together.
What's set of me off recently has been a few things.
#1 Pessimistic view on people/relationships [Underneath all the fluff and narratives we create in our mind, I feel like we're just using each other ... nothing more]
#2 I'd been taking a supplement for the gym (Tribulus). I think it's raised my libido and made me feel more impulsive. I downloaded Tinder & got a bunch of matches - & a lot of the conversation is about having drinks. I mean this is what normal people do when meeting each other, especially on a hook-up app ... So I felt like I was missing out and wanted to say **** it, just drink. My previous post was my way of rationalizing it.
I see now that I was just taking the easy, lazy, destructive route to what I wanted. Drinking liberally would raise my chances, that's the reality. But you know what else would? Having the self respect to hold firm & continue down the path that I know will give me long term results. Giving into social pressures doesn't give me more control, it gives me less. Not more respect, less. And not drinking gives me the chance to cultivate a bunch of other positive traits, which in the long term is better.
Cheers Dee. With respect, you're an older gentleman right? I think when I'm older, I would be happy with a simple life. But I tend to believe that a lot of that is due to hormonal changes. As testosterone goes down, I think our motivation and beliefs change direction. I could be wrong, but that's how I feel about it at the moment. Thanks for sharing. And I'm not saying that our cognitive abilities are the same as animals - I accept they're significantly different, this is obvious. But I think that what the mind does it often complicate things and make us believe we're acting rationally when really our behavior is being driven by base urges.
That's true & the downside - While power can invigorate it can also corrupt.
Thankyou SW.
Day 221.
I spoke to my on/off girlfriend last night & feel a bit better. If she could be with me I'd feel happier, and like my life has some direction. But she's Middle Eastern, I'm Australian ... different values, and most of all problems with long term visas for her here/me finding work over there. And anyway, like all relationships there would be problems even if we were together.
What's set of me off recently has been a few things.
#1 Pessimistic view on people/relationships [Underneath all the fluff and narratives we create in our mind, I feel like we're just using each other ... nothing more]
#2 I'd been taking a supplement for the gym (Tribulus). I think it's raised my libido and made me feel more impulsive. I downloaded Tinder & got a bunch of matches - & a lot of the conversation is about having drinks. I mean this is what normal people do when meeting each other, especially on a hook-up app ... So I felt like I was missing out and wanted to say **** it, just drink. My previous post was my way of rationalizing it.
I see now that I was just taking the easy, lazy, destructive route to what I wanted. Drinking liberally would raise my chances, that's the reality. But you know what else would? Having the self respect to hold firm & continue down the path that I know will give me long term results. Giving into social pressures doesn't give me more control, it gives me less. Not more respect, less. And not drinking gives me the chance to cultivate a bunch of other positive traits, which in the long term is better.
Originally Posted by Dee74
You know it's not a good idea.
I've seen the AV use libido before.
Forget about one or two drinks to loosen up - we never drank that way.
I'm yet to be convinced by anyone that we're at our best rolling drunk or that the people we might manage to pick up in those situations are at their best either.
I think you know deep down that drinking won;t bring you power - go back to your first posts and read through them - *thats* what drinking will bring you.
We're not simply animals either - however much that idea appeals to your AV right now.
Our cognitive abilities are very different from other animals. That's both good and bad,
I don't agree power will bring you happiness either.
In the sense that you use it, I have virtually no power at all - I'm not rich, I'm not famous.
I am happy tho - I make good decisions more often that not, I have motivation and drive, I'm at peace with myself and those around me, and I love my life and who I am.
and all that on a disability pension, no job, below the poverty line
I understand you may have different ideas. I'm just suggesting that maybe there are competing ideas about what makes happiness
to me, all this is just another AV con job eshgham.
Be smart.
Going back to drinking would be a backward step.
D
I've seen the AV use libido before.
Forget about one or two drinks to loosen up - we never drank that way.
I'm yet to be convinced by anyone that we're at our best rolling drunk or that the people we might manage to pick up in those situations are at their best either.
I think you know deep down that drinking won;t bring you power - go back to your first posts and read through them - *thats* what drinking will bring you.
We're not simply animals either - however much that idea appeals to your AV right now.
Our cognitive abilities are very different from other animals. That's both good and bad,
I don't agree power will bring you happiness either.
In the sense that you use it, I have virtually no power at all - I'm not rich, I'm not famous.
I am happy tho - I make good decisions more often that not, I have motivation and drive, I'm at peace with myself and those around me, and I love my life and who I am.
and all that on a disability pension, no job, below the poverty line
I understand you may have different ideas. I'm just suggesting that maybe there are competing ideas about what makes happiness
to me, all this is just another AV con job eshgham.
Be smart.
Going back to drinking would be a backward step.
D
Originally Posted by Tang
Not sure having power makes you make better decisions. Having seen a few very wealthy people in rehab and more recently a senior vp fall down completely smashed...
Originally Posted by soberwolf
What D said this is 5000% your AV running riot this aint you man recognise
Day 221.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
first time anyones called me 'an older gentleman' E, but you're right - I'm no spring chicken.But you didn't invent ego or ambition LOL. I was young once tho - and I totally futzed it up.
You'd be foolish to walk in my 20 something boots.
I still think my advice is sound
D
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