posting here because I need support
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
posting here because I need support
and this is the most active forum. My BF has been sober for about six months and things have been going very well. Today he went to his art studio to work. It's 1:00 am and he's not answering my calls or texts and hasn't come home. When he drank this was his MO. The last time he was gone for two days with no contact.
I know I am jumping to conclusions and making myself anxious, but this is a huge trigger for me. It doesn't matter if he's drinking or not. I know I can't control him and don't want to. I just wish he would check in with me regardless of what he's doing.
I need someone to talk to right now.
I know I am jumping to conclusions and making myself anxious, but this is a huge trigger for me. It doesn't matter if he's drinking or not. I know I can't control him and don't want to. I just wish he would check in with me regardless of what he's doing.
I need someone to talk to right now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
relaxing tea and a good book to distract yourself until you are able to sleep?
You know the score in your guts and it is embarrassing to keep phoning.
You will hear soon enough when it is time.
You know the score in your guts and it is embarrassing to keep phoning.
You will hear soon enough when it is time.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Hey Readerbaby,
Big hugs. Can you throw on your running shoes, warm sweats, plug headphones in your phone and go on a brisk walk with deep breaths for half-hour to hour?
The stress hormones are very hard on your body and a positive distraction during this time of stress would be a good idea. Work up a good sweat.
That is my first thought. There are more.
But de-escalating your body and brains response to this situation, over which you have no control, in the best way you can right now sounds like it is a priority.
More hugs.
Big hugs. Can you throw on your running shoes, warm sweats, plug headphones in your phone and go on a brisk walk with deep breaths for half-hour to hour?
The stress hormones are very hard on your body and a positive distraction during this time of stress would be a good idea. Work up a good sweat.
That is my first thought. There are more.
But de-escalating your body and brains response to this situation, over which you have no control, in the best way you can right now sounds like it is a priority.
More hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 38
An old friend of mine's wife used to call me or come by when he would do this. She would cry and beg me to go find him because she was worried sick. This was before we all had cell phones. I'd go to all of our haunts and end up finding him. He would be drunk as a skunk and I'd tell him it was time to go home. He rarely listened, but I'd phone her and tell her he was fine, albeit drunk. I understand how you must feel, because she was overcome with grief and fear at those times. I hope maybe he's not drinking, for your sake and his.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Yeah, I understand. It is pretty late. And Dee is right. We folks are here 
Do you want to write about it some more?
Or simulate running or walking with imagery? Even put a warm hat on When I run I take one large inhale breaths to 3 mini exhale breaths. In the the nose out through the mouth. Believe it or not but my brain actually thinks I am running
Do you want to write about it some more?
Or simulate running or walking with imagery? Even put a warm hat on
When I run I take one large inhale breaths to 3 mini exhale breaths. In the the nose out through the mouth. Believe it or not but my brain actually thinks I am running Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
He's been doing really well, so I don't know what's up. I had a rough day. My sister has been ill and went to the ER, and long story short my family was really pissing me off. When I got home my BF was so loving and caring and asked me if I needed him to stay home tonight. I felt better and I said no. He has a commissioned painting he's working on and I enjoy my alone time.
It's just odd that he would do this today. Maybe not. I don't know. Oh well......I'm supposed to go out of town tomorrow and he's working so he was going to take care of our dogs. I'm not gonna worry about that right now but if doesn't come home I might not be able to go. blah.
It's just odd that he would do this today. Maybe not. I don't know. Oh well......I'm supposed to go out of town tomorrow and he's working so he was going to take care of our dogs. I'm not gonna worry about that right now but if doesn't come home I might not be able to go. blah.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
BTW, I'm much better than I used to be. In the past I would get myself so worked up and angry. If he's drinking it's not the end of the world, and I am not all that worried. It's just disappointing. Thanks for listening. Getting it out is helping already.
pray for strength
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New England
Posts: 2,414
Talk to yourself. Say "Brain, just stop now. No more thoughts going in all directions." "We are staying right here, right now and it is time to alphabetize the soup cans. Let's start with the soup and then do the spices. Together now, Brain"
Get a little crazy by talking to yourself out loud. Even better, put on some Chopin and start talking.
*Oh hey! Talking with a real person is a better idea!
Get a little crazy by talking to yourself out loud. Even better, put on some Chopin and start talking.
*Oh hey! Talking with a real person is a better idea!
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I found that, I hope it helps. Also make a "present check" become aware of your environment. Where are you right now physically, what are you doing, is everything ok in the physical space you are at? then this is your reality right now. Hang on to it and as soon as you start racing off again, go back to doing a physical reality check...that technique really helped me a lot
What Is worry? Worry is a very strong feeling of anxiety. It’s fear of the unknown – the thought that the worst will happen.
We may become overly concerned with future events. We may engage in repetitive negative self-talk with all the worst case scenarios. A lot of our thoughts will begin with …
“If only ….
I would have stayed at home”
I would have said”
I made the opposite decision”
Or
“What if …
I get into a car accident?”
I get fired or laid off?”
My teenager gets pregnant?”
I become ill?”
Worry is a behavior – a habitual way of thinking. If your parents were chronic worriers, chances are you will be too – then you’ll pass it on to your children. Since worry is a habitual behavior, you do have the ability to overcome it – to replace worry with a more positive habit.
What Do We Worry About?
When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:
40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.
30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.
12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.
10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.
8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…
4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.
4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.
Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions:
How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control?
Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill?
Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?
I can’t answer these questions for you. What I can do is offer you techniques to overcome worry. It’s up to you to decide to stop the worry habit.
How Can You Stop or Reduce Your Worries?
“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.” – Mary Hemingway
1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.
2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.
3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.
4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.
5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.
6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.
7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.
8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)
9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.
10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.
11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!
12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).
There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.
Read more at 12 Techniques to Stop Worrying | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement
We may become overly concerned with future events. We may engage in repetitive negative self-talk with all the worst case scenarios. A lot of our thoughts will begin with …
“If only ….
I would have stayed at home”
I would have said”
I made the opposite decision”
Or
“What if …
I get into a car accident?”
I get fired or laid off?”
My teenager gets pregnant?”
I become ill?”
Worry is a behavior – a habitual way of thinking. If your parents were chronic worriers, chances are you will be too – then you’ll pass it on to your children. Since worry is a habitual behavior, you do have the ability to overcome it – to replace worry with a more positive habit.
What Do We Worry About?
When it comes to worry, studies have shown the following statistics:
40% never happens – so in essence we are wasting our time by worrying.
30% of what we worry about has already happened. Learn to “let go” and forgive yourself and others. You cannot change the past – no one can. Accept it for what it is and go on.
12% are needless worries, such as what someone else thinks about us.
10% are petty and unimportant such as we worry about what’s for dinner, we worry about being late, we worry about what to wear.
8% of what we worry about actually happens. Of this percentage…
4% of our worries that happen are beyond our control. We cannot change the outcome. These worries may include our health, the death of a loved one or an impending natural disaster. Often times the reality of these events are more bearable than the worry.
4% of what we worry about we have some if not all control over the results. Basically I think this is the consequences of our actions or inaction on the problems and challenges we face.
Given these statistics, you may find it worthwhile asking the following questions:
How many times do we work ourselves into frenzy over a situation that is beyond our control?
Why do we allow worry to stress us out so much that we become ill?
Why do we waste our mental energy with worry?
I can’t answer these questions for you. What I can do is offer you techniques to overcome worry. It’s up to you to decide to stop the worry habit.
How Can You Stop or Reduce Your Worries?
“Worry a little bit every day and in a lifetime you will lose a couple of years. If something is wrong, fix it if you can. But train yourself not to worry. Worry never fixes anything.” – Mary Hemingway
1. Prepare for the worst – Hope for the best. This comes right from the advice of Dale Carnegie in “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living”. Accept the worst possible outcome and then take action to improve upon the worst.
2. Get Busy. When you find yourself beginning to worry – get busy on your to-do list. If you don’t have a list – then write one. List your goals and the action steps required to meet them. One of the benefits of your to-do list is you will stop worrying about forgetting something important.
3. Distract Yourself. Call a friend. Read a good book. Watch a funny movie. Take the kids to the park. Take a walk. There’s dozens of things you can do.
4. Get Support. Friends and family can be an excellent source of support. Especially if they will tell you how they see things. Sometimes just talking things out, helps the worry go away.
5. Make a Decision. If you’re worrying about an unresolved personal or business issue – then it’s time to make a decision. Once you decide what to do, you can begin taking steps for the best possible outcome.
6. Confront the Problem Head-On. It’s usually not the problem itself that is causing your worry. It’s usually the anticipation of the problem. How will others be affected or react? Deal with the problem as soon as possible.
7. Practice Relaxing. It is important that you take time to totally relax. Close your eyes take long deep breaths in through your nose and out through your mouth. With each breath tell yourself to relax. It just takes a couple of minutes of this exercise for the tension to leave your body.
8. Listen to CDs. This can be your favorite music, brainwave CDs or behavior modification tapes that are designed to dissolve worry and anxiety. (These do not have to be self-hypnotizing or subliminal – but of course you can choose these types of tapes.)
9. Journal. After writing down everything they are worried about in a journal, most people feel a sense of relief. In writing you may have discovered what you are really afraid of, and then you can objectively work on improving the situation.
10. Take Care of Yourself. Get plenty of rest. Eat a healthy diet and exercise. When you nurture your body and mind, it’s easier to put things in perspective. It’s easier to cope with the unexpected.
11. Count Your Blessings. You have a lot to be thankful for. Look around you … We live in a beautiful world. You can be thankful for your health, your family, your mind, your country, your house, your job, your TV or even your microwave!
12. Monitor Your Thoughts. Be aware of your thoughts and be ready to replace worries with positive thoughts. Be prepared with a positive thought or quote, such as “Calmness is the cradle of power” (Josiah Gilbert Holland).
There are many techniques you can use to stop worrying. The important thing is to consistently use them until the new behavior becomes a habit.
Read more at 12 Techniques to Stop Worrying | PickTheBrain | Motivation and Self Improvement
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