Hopefully This Is the Last Time
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
Posts: 51
Hopefully This Is the Last Time
Well, I"m a 56yo male who has been on and off opiates for 10 years or so. Previous to my current withdrawl, and attempt to rid my body, mind and soul of opiates, I had been on suboxone for about 3 years. HUGE mistake. It did what the percocets did for me (without the very brief euphoria) and let me function somewhat normally and also killed any craving for perks, or the like. Never did much drugs in the last 10 years except perc's.
In July 2012 I decided to quite the suboxone. I was told the withdrawl symptoms are much easier than opiates, heroin, etc. BIG MISTAKE. I had cut back one night on my dosage and went thru some sweats/chills but nothing too bad. So I thought, "Hey, if this is the worst it gets, I can do this". So I went for it. And it was pure hell for me. Around day 3, 4 and 5 it hit me and hit me hard for the first 2 weeks. I had to take off work for a full week. So I was absolutely miserable. Chills/sweats, diarhhea somewhat but manageable. By far the worst part was 1. Restless legs. 2. Insomnia 3. Zero energy - everything was an effort. Even brushing my teeth. On top of that, I was doing this during the worst heat wave of the summer. We don't have AC in our house (live in CT) but use fans and have a pool in back yard. Unfortunately, the nights were still hot even with the fans. Days were unbearable. Even the pool made me miserable as it gave me the chills when I came out of the water. Even in 98 degree heat wave. It was around week 4 that I was still not feeling well but had gone back to work by day 11 of my recovery. I couldnt' function at all. Prayed for lunch break and then for quitting time and basically could barely function at work. Stared at a computer all day and surfed the web but couldn't bear to even focus on work.
I was praying the entire time for week 5 to be much better as I had scheduled a trip to Calif to see my son. We went to San Fran and I was still miserable but tried to hide it and bare with it for the sake of my family who wanted to enjoy San Fran. Not a very pleasant trip for me.
It never really got better until I forced myself to get back to the gym. First week or two was tough but felt better the more I got more active. By maybe week 9 or 10 I was doing much better although energy was still a problem.
So here is my other big mistake. Thinking I am now better and just wondering what it would be like to take a pill or 2 and convince myself I can handle it, I bought a few pills, did them, Got my energy back. More of a sociable personality etc. But kept off till the following weekend. And bought a few more. However, as the weeks went by, I went from 3 a week to 10 a week and then more. My supplier went to Florda for a month. I bought 50 15mg percs and had a plan to taper down to 1 1/2 per day the first two weeks, and 1 a day the last 2 weeks until she got back and then maybe quite.
What a joke. I finished the fifty in 10 days. So I bought 20 more and cleaned that person out of his stash. Did those in 3 days. My final day, Jan 3, I took my last 15mg perc and awaited what lied ahead. I knew it was going to be miserable but wanted the weekend to deal with the hard part.
Wd's started about 12 hours later. That night, sweats, chills, runny nose, and diarrhea. 24 hours in, diarrhea, insomnia despiate 12mgs melatonin, GABA and l-tryptophan and calcium. Got maybe 90 minutes of crappy sleep.
Got the Immodium to control the diarrhea. Taking Vitamins B Complex, C, MultiVitamin, Potassium, bananas, and lots of gatorade.
Thinking about going to work MOnday despite not feeling well, no energy except, kidney stone yesterday. Now I"m 3 days in and on the downside of the worst of WD's. Go to ER, they want to shoot me up with Dilaudid. Thank God I found the strength to turn them down and refused the shot. Why? Because I am so sick of being sick. I also go a script of percs 20 5mg's just in case the kidney stone became unbearable. However, I had my wife pick up that script and told her to hold onto them only in case of emergency. Where I found the strength to do that, I can only give credit to God who was watching out for me and answering my prayers.
Today I am 4 days in and starting day 5. Feeling a little better. Nighttime worrying me but I had 1 valium, NyQuil and melatonin to help me sleep. I'm going to try no valium tonight and just NyQuil and 3mg Melatonin and see how that goes. Also, thinking about going to work despite the fact I still have kidney stone stuck right at junction of my bladder and ureter. Drinking and peeing every 20 minutes to try to flush it out. Otherwise, they go in and have to grab it and I really wouldn't want to go thru that unless they put me out. But I would request NO narcotics. No way.
I"m hoping I"m done. I know now I can't control my addiction. I thought I could but that was the addict inside me telling me otherwise. Hoping for a good night sleep tonight and we'll see about work tomorrow. Going stir crazy at home. Just wanted to share. My prayers for all of yo
In July 2012 I decided to quite the suboxone. I was told the withdrawl symptoms are much easier than opiates, heroin, etc. BIG MISTAKE. I had cut back one night on my dosage and went thru some sweats/chills but nothing too bad. So I thought, "Hey, if this is the worst it gets, I can do this". So I went for it. And it was pure hell for me. Around day 3, 4 and 5 it hit me and hit me hard for the first 2 weeks. I had to take off work for a full week. So I was absolutely miserable. Chills/sweats, diarhhea somewhat but manageable. By far the worst part was 1. Restless legs. 2. Insomnia 3. Zero energy - everything was an effort. Even brushing my teeth. On top of that, I was doing this during the worst heat wave of the summer. We don't have AC in our house (live in CT) but use fans and have a pool in back yard. Unfortunately, the nights were still hot even with the fans. Days were unbearable. Even the pool made me miserable as it gave me the chills when I came out of the water. Even in 98 degree heat wave. It was around week 4 that I was still not feeling well but had gone back to work by day 11 of my recovery. I couldnt' function at all. Prayed for lunch break and then for quitting time and basically could barely function at work. Stared at a computer all day and surfed the web but couldn't bear to even focus on work.
I was praying the entire time for week 5 to be much better as I had scheduled a trip to Calif to see my son. We went to San Fran and I was still miserable but tried to hide it and bare with it for the sake of my family who wanted to enjoy San Fran. Not a very pleasant trip for me.
It never really got better until I forced myself to get back to the gym. First week or two was tough but felt better the more I got more active. By maybe week 9 or 10 I was doing much better although energy was still a problem.
So here is my other big mistake. Thinking I am now better and just wondering what it would be like to take a pill or 2 and convince myself I can handle it, I bought a few pills, did them, Got my energy back. More of a sociable personality etc. But kept off till the following weekend. And bought a few more. However, as the weeks went by, I went from 3 a week to 10 a week and then more. My supplier went to Florda for a month. I bought 50 15mg percs and had a plan to taper down to 1 1/2 per day the first two weeks, and 1 a day the last 2 weeks until she got back and then maybe quite.
What a joke. I finished the fifty in 10 days. So I bought 20 more and cleaned that person out of his stash. Did those in 3 days. My final day, Jan 3, I took my last 15mg perc and awaited what lied ahead. I knew it was going to be miserable but wanted the weekend to deal with the hard part.
Wd's started about 12 hours later. That night, sweats, chills, runny nose, and diarrhea. 24 hours in, diarrhea, insomnia despiate 12mgs melatonin, GABA and l-tryptophan and calcium. Got maybe 90 minutes of crappy sleep.
Got the Immodium to control the diarrhea. Taking Vitamins B Complex, C, MultiVitamin, Potassium, bananas, and lots of gatorade.
Thinking about going to work MOnday despite not feeling well, no energy except, kidney stone yesterday. Now I"m 3 days in and on the downside of the worst of WD's. Go to ER, they want to shoot me up with Dilaudid. Thank God I found the strength to turn them down and refused the shot. Why? Because I am so sick of being sick. I also go a script of percs 20 5mg's just in case the kidney stone became unbearable. However, I had my wife pick up that script and told her to hold onto them only in case of emergency. Where I found the strength to do that, I can only give credit to God who was watching out for me and answering my prayers.
Today I am 4 days in and starting day 5. Feeling a little better. Nighttime worrying me but I had 1 valium, NyQuil and melatonin to help me sleep. I'm going to try no valium tonight and just NyQuil and 3mg Melatonin and see how that goes. Also, thinking about going to work despite the fact I still have kidney stone stuck right at junction of my bladder and ureter. Drinking and peeing every 20 minutes to try to flush it out. Otherwise, they go in and have to grab it and I really wouldn't want to go thru that unless they put me out. But I would request NO narcotics. No way.
I"m hoping I"m done. I know now I can't control my addiction. I thought I could but that was the addict inside me telling me otherwise. Hoping for a good night sleep tonight and we'll see about work tomorrow. Going stir crazy at home. Just wanted to share. My prayers for all of yo
to SR! You've come to a very friendly supportive site. I hope we can help you stay clean. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
Posts: 51
Wanted to add a word of caution re: suboxone. If you decide to use it, I suggest only for a very short term IF your intention is to get completely off of opiates, heroin, etc. If however, you need it for longer term as a maintenance because you feel you will relapse if you don't have suboxone to repel the urges, just know that when you do finally decide to come off of suboxone, to do it with a taper plan in mind. I went from 4mg to 6mg per day to zero and it is a very very long withdrawal and recovery period. I know...I went thru the agony.
Anyways, this is my first day on this site. I apologize for the long intro. I needed to just let go and I did it in this forum. Sorry.
Going out for a walk in the bitter cold to get some fresh air. 4 hours into day 5. Feeling better. A little more energy. Hot baths help. Exercise..just freaking getting off the couch and moving is very helpful.
It's 10 degrees outside with windchills about 10-15 below. But I dont' care. I bundled up and need some fresh air and clear my head from suffering the past 4 days.
God bless you all! Stay strong. I am sure as heck going to give it my best try. I"m 56yo and need to be done with this. For those younger, heed my words, get out now and get your life on track. Don't give into the urge to relapse. And I pray I don't either.
Anyways, this is my first day on this site. I apologize for the long intro. I needed to just let go and I did it in this forum. Sorry.
Going out for a walk in the bitter cold to get some fresh air. 4 hours into day 5. Feeling better. A little more energy. Hot baths help. Exercise..just freaking getting off the couch and moving is very helpful.
It's 10 degrees outside with windchills about 10-15 below. But I dont' care. I bundled up and need some fresh air and clear my head from suffering the past 4 days.
God bless you all! Stay strong. I am sure as heck going to give it my best try. I"m 56yo and need to be done with this. For those younger, heed my words, get out now and get your life on track. Don't give into the urge to relapse. And I pray I don't either.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,454
Welcome lastcall 
I don't have experience with opiate withdrawal but I know you'll find support and understanding here.
do also check out our substance abuse forum as well
D
I don't have experience with opiate withdrawal but I know you'll find support and understanding here.
do also check out our substance abuse forum as well
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
Posts: 51
Thanks everyone. Did I post in the right forum? I'm not an alcoholic but my father was. It ruined his life. Lost everything...his business, marriage, home, life. Was very tough to deal with that growing up. So I don't drink much at all. Maybe one or two a month. It's the pills that I enjoyed as there was no hangover. Is there a forum specifically or more focused on opiate withdrawal and recovery? You all are awesome.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 506
Hi last call. I quit opiates in August. It was pure hell! I'd been on them for close to 15-20 years? Really terrible. Now I don't crave them much anymore. I still think about them but honestly the withdrawal ISNT worth taking them again! Happy to chat if you like
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
Posts: 51
Thanks again everyone.
Day 5 in the books. Starting day 6. Actually struggled to make it to work this morning. Hoping to last the entire day here at work but will have to see. And, as if the challenge of opiate withdrawal isn't enough, I am still dealing with a kidney stone that is stuck between my urethra and bladder and it doesn't seem to be moving. So they may have to go up and grab it which I am NOT looking forward too. Regardless, I am not asking for any narcotics at all. I'm starting day 6 and feeling a little better and trying to function at work. Constant focus is difficult. I'm looking forward to my noon lunch break where I can go home and just veg out. Then back for another 4 hours until quitting time. That's how I have to play it out until my energy comes back and maybe be more productive. But right now, everything I do seems to be an effort. Shaving, showering, coming my hair, brushing my teeth, cooking breakfast, getting dressed, etc. etc. Hoping each hour that passes brings me more relief. Small steps....moving forward. To sleep I took a 3mg melatonin. I went to bed around 7:30pm as I was exhausted but my brain doesn't shut off. Finally fell asleep about 9:30pm. Woke up at midnight and after realizing I probably wasn't going back to sleep, took some NyQuil. Slept till about 4:15am and got up and made work by 8:00am. Hoping I exhaust myself today, stay up too 8pm and just collapse and sleep unaided (no meds).
NewStar - I'd like to know more about your experience so I can compare to mine, what your daily habit was, how long the symptoms lasted, etc.? Are you close to 100% yet?
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here but I am looking forward to the day can produce all the right chemicals in my brain that are natural and wonderful. I just don't know if that will ever happen. Settle for just normal, if there is such a thing.
Day 5 in the books. Starting day 6. Actually struggled to make it to work this morning. Hoping to last the entire day here at work but will have to see. And, as if the challenge of opiate withdrawal isn't enough, I am still dealing with a kidney stone that is stuck between my urethra and bladder and it doesn't seem to be moving. So they may have to go up and grab it which I am NOT looking forward too. Regardless, I am not asking for any narcotics at all. I'm starting day 6 and feeling a little better and trying to function at work. Constant focus is difficult. I'm looking forward to my noon lunch break where I can go home and just veg out. Then back for another 4 hours until quitting time. That's how I have to play it out until my energy comes back and maybe be more productive. But right now, everything I do seems to be an effort. Shaving, showering, coming my hair, brushing my teeth, cooking breakfast, getting dressed, etc. etc. Hoping each hour that passes brings me more relief. Small steps....moving forward. To sleep I took a 3mg melatonin. I went to bed around 7:30pm as I was exhausted but my brain doesn't shut off. Finally fell asleep about 9:30pm. Woke up at midnight and after realizing I probably wasn't going back to sleep, took some NyQuil. Slept till about 4:15am and got up and made work by 8:00am. Hoping I exhaust myself today, stay up too 8pm and just collapse and sleep unaided (no meds).
NewStar - I'd like to know more about your experience so I can compare to mine, what your daily habit was, how long the symptoms lasted, etc.? Are you close to 100% yet?
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here but I am looking forward to the day can produce all the right chemicals in my brain that are natural and wonderful. I just don't know if that will ever happen. Settle for just normal, if there is such a thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
Posts: 51
NewStar - I'd like to know more about your experience so I can compare to mine, what your daily habit was, how long the symptoms lasted, etc.? Are you close to 100% yet?
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here but I am looking forward to the day I can produce all the right chemicals in my brain that are natural and wonderful. I just don't know if that will ever happen. Settle for just normal, if there is such a thing.
I know I'm getting way ahead of myself here but I am looking forward to the day I can produce all the right chemicals in my brain that are natural and wonderful. I just don't know if that will ever happen. Settle for just normal, if there is such a thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Central CT
Posts: 51
Ugh. Just got back from Urologist. They just want me to stick it out and try and pass the stone normally. That is more bearable than how I"m feeling now in day 6. Tired, headache (maybe from NyQuil I took last night), no energy or focus at work. Leaving for lunch soon to put a little something in my stomach and rest before I come back to work for the second part of my day. I shouldnt' complain I guess as I know the PAWS weren't even close to the suboxone PAWS but uncomfortable none the less and kicking myself in the *ss for being so damn weak and stupid at my age to put myself in this predicament, again. I have to admit, I was daydreaming about how good I'd feel if I could snort a perc but thankfully, my supplier is out of town for at least two more weeks and that helps. As well as the fact I do NOT want to go thru this anymore. I have to figure out how to strenghten my will power and make good, healthy decisions. Can't afford any more withdrawals and certainly the money to buy any more pills. Need to put blinders on and keep my focus on recovery.
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