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Old 01-04-2013, 08:51 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Feelings

I hate having to feel feelings now that I am sober.
I turned 30 yesterday. My boyfriend didn't have anything planned, didn't get me anything. Asked me where I wanted to go for dinner the morning of my birthday. He had recently bought himself a car, a 3D TV and new shoes. My twin sister had the day off and spent the day at the spa courtesy of her husband. I told my boyfriend that I was jealous of her for what she got. People keep saying how big 30 is and it felt nothing different to me. My boyfriend's 30th was 6 months ago and I spent $1500 on a party bus, wine touring, and an evening at the Space Needle. He doesn't understnad why I am pissed. I would normally drink these feelings away and just push them down. But, since I am sober now, I am crying and pissed. I shouldn't have to depend on someone else to make me happy on my birthday but I expected a little more thought would be put into this, maybe flowers, or a card... Just needed to vent!
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:00 AM   #2 (permalink)
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It hurts when the people we love are thoughtless. Happy Birthday.
30 wasnt that big of deal for me. 40 seemed to have more impact on me. 50 was a landmark. Can be depressing. Really depressing. The female body goes through a lot of changes. I was drunk for it. Got sober at 51. I plan on being sober for the 52 birthday coming up way too fast . Lol
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:29 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:36 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Happy Birthday from the other side of the state.:day1
We should not have to depend upon others for our happiness, but that is how the human mind works. Vent away.
However, you did give yourself a wonderful gift. Sobriety. Revel in that fact.
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Old 01-04-2013, 09:38 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hear ya...we are so 'raw' now that we are sober so we feel emotions and feelings stronger and more realistic than in our drinking days. I get so emotional when it comes to loved ones & sad states of affairs. It is hard to deal with at first, but at least we are dealing with it & not avoiding it or numbing it by drinking.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:00 AM   #6 (permalink)
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I guess after spending 4 months planning, a months salary and getting people to come in town for his 30th birthday, I expected more. How do you talk to a significant other about this situation? I know I am not the only one who has experienced this. I don't want to sound conceded but I am still mad and what him to realize that what he did wasn't nice.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:01 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you for the birthday wishes!
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:05 AM   #8 (permalink)
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:day1 Pattyj, yea, that was about as thoughtless as a husband can get. Your thread actually pissed me off too. Nonetheless you didn't drink, so you are FANTASTIC.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:06 AM   #9 (permalink)
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It also depends on his upbringing. If he is still a young critter, he is used to being the center of attention on his own b'day. Let him age a bit, remind him in advance that next year you expect bigger and better things out of him.
Don't give him a guilt trip. The male mind has a tendency to dig in its heels when guilt is ladled on.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Happy birthday!! Maybe your boyfriend is planning a surprise for you? My H's best friend recently turned 40. He was bummed all day because everyone around him downplayed his birthday... but we downplayed it because we were throwing him a surprise party that night.

But even if that's not the case and your boyfriend is just being inconsiderate about your birthday, take some time to celebrate YOU, and treat yourself to something nice! You deserve it.
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:09 AM   #11 (permalink)
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That stinks! I'm sorry he hasn't made your b'day special. Maybe you can tell him just what you told us?
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:10 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Happy Birthday, pattyj!

My 30 birthday wasn't great either. Actually, it was awful (and I wasn't drunk, by the way, but my ex was). No I realize that if I want something great I have to plan it myself. No disillusions, no dissappointment. And, you know, it's not bad either! I like to keep reins of my life in my hands.

Chin up! Pamper yourself with something great that you deseve!

Best wishes to you)
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Old 01-04-2013, 10:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Im sorry I know how hurtfull that can be. Iv been married 31 years my husband has never gotten me anything for my bday, Mother.s day (Im not his Mother) Christmas he sends one of the kids to pick me up somthing, ect. for a long time i let it hurt and then I relized if I wasnt going to leave him i better learn to live wit it. Every time it still hurts i just quit saying anything. I hope today is better for you. Happy late Birthday.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:04 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I plan to use some of my fantastic living social vouchers to take myself out for a facial, massage and pedicure. After I told bf that I was jealous that my sister spent the day at the spa, he asked why I didn't take the day off. I replied that I didn't have anything to do and didn't realize that I had to plan my own birthday. All he said was sorry. In the past, if he doesn't have anything for me the day of my birthday, he will tell me that something is coming in the mail. I don't drink so I know that he is not planning any kind of party. He grew up with a father who spoiled the heck out of his mother for birthdays and special occasions so I know he knows what to do. I can't help that it still hurts and the more I talk/think about it the more pissed I get. What really bugs me is all the gifts he bought himself in the last month and all I get is a dinner with the help of a coupon.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:07 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pattyj View Post
I hate having to feel feelings now that I am sober.
I turned 30 yesterday. My boyfriend didn't have anything planned, didn't get me anything. Asked me where I wanted to go for dinner the morning of my birthday. He had recently bought himself a car, a 3D TV and new shoes.
Edited by TrixMixer for space

HI Patty, and Happy 30th,

I must preface what I am about to say by telling you I am Not a Big celebratory person and neither is my Husband. A check for my Birthday and Xmas and a big present for our 10, 15, 20 year anniversary. I have a wonderful life with him and don't want or need gifts or cards from anyone. ......BUT that is me.

You however, girlfriend, have a seemingly very selfish little boy for a boyfriend.
Irregardless of what you did for him or what your sister got for her birthday, if you were hurt by an inconsiderate boyfriend (and You were), you should talk to him first chance you get and let him know how you feel. If you keep it in it will fester and derail your relationship. So your boyfriend will either understand or not--if not he does not care about you the way you thought, than you deserve better.

Do I sound like Dear Abbey, LOL!

I can tell you this if I were still drinking I would have gone for his throat , even when my burthday is no big deal. I was always VERY indignant when drinking, so the feelings you have are genuine because you are seeing them through SOBER eyes.

Good luck getting through to you guy while he is driving his NEW car and watching his New 3D T.V.

Stay strong and stay sober,
TrixMixer:day1
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:19 AM   #16 (permalink)
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How was Christmas?
I did'nt do anything . I did'nt want anything. I just wanted to stay sober and I did.
All you can do is tell him about it. It is good you don't feel like drinking. Best birthday present you can have.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:20 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Happy birthday! Sorry your bf didn't do anything special for you. I know how much that must have hurt. But,you are sober,and that's a great gift in itself. 30 is a great age,wish I could be there again,but sober this time around. Treat yourself to something you enjoy, and celebrate your day and your sobriety.
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Old 01-04-2013, 11:22 AM   #18 (permalink)
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Your post, TrixMixer, really hit home. I am not a big celebratory person either, except for the major milestones. I hate Valentine's Day but we did something special for being together 5 years, about a year ago. I have been making a big deal about turning 30 in the last month or so. I will not tell him to get me anything but when he spoils himself like that, I would think he would include me with it being a milestone birthday. If I was drinking, I would have gone for the throat as well; bitchy, pissed, crying, yelling, all in front of him. Now, I am just sad and really disappointed.
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:06 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by pattyj View Post
Your post, TrixMixer, really hit home. I am not a big celebratory person either, except for the major milestones. I hate Valentine's Day but we did something special for being together 5 years, about a year ago. I have been making a big deal about turning 30 in the last month or so. I will not tell him to get me anything but when he spoils himself like that, I would think he would include me with it being a milestone birthday. If I was drinking, I would have gone for the throat as well; bitchy, pissed, crying, yelling, all in front of him. Now, I am just sad and really disappointed.
LOL! That a girl, Patty, just like me!! Crazy Drunk!!!

Sober is soooooo much better though, and I do think you should tell him your were hurt. He should know how you feel. Do not keep things iside they only snowball.

Wishing you all the best for you and your relationship.
Stay strong/ Stay sober
TrixMixer
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Old 01-04-2013, 01:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
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That was quite insensitive of your boyfriend. May want to think twice before marrying him.
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