ReadyAtLast

Happy Birthday

It was very insensitive of your bf but also inconsiderate and rude. I know many couples don't spend money on gifts/cards and if both are happy that's fine. But I don't think your situation is fine and I think it goes deeper than not getting you gift-it's ignoring your feelings. when we get sober,it makes question so many difficult emotions/relationships which we chose not to question when drunk. of course,only you know your bf but you are worth more than a man who does not consider your feelings. I agree with TRix-you should tell him how you feel,you can do this in a non-accusatory way.Hiding your feelings is not good in a relationship

FreeFall

Patty, I can really relate. I also have a boyfriend who doesn't recognize holidays or milestones and it does hurt. He is helpful and considerate almost all the time, but when it comes to gifts he's hopeless. I tell myself I should appreciate the fact that he's consistently such a good guy, and I do. However, I make sure every holiday and birthday are special for him and he should make the effort to return the gestures once in awhile with something (anything at all, I'm not materialistic). I wish I had a good solution for you. A friend went through the same thing and basically told her guy what she expected until he finally started doing it on his own. I feel like it doesn't really count if I have to tell him what to do.

Know you're not alone in this. Happy Birthday! Maybe you can kind of jokingly say to him "I want a do over on my birthday. It's not too late to make it special"?

pattyj

I did talk to my bf just now. He originally wanted to repay the favor and do a party bus as well but with me not drinking he says that he couldn't come up with something. (an excuse, but that was his reason). I realized that we never do it up big for our birthdays but, in my book, this is one of the big ones. He apologized, said he felt like **** for not doing something and will make it up to me. He said he wasn't thinking because of the fact that we never do anything big for birthdays. Although I didn't want him to feel like ****, I did want him to realize that it was inconsiderate for not doing anything at all. (he is normally a great guy) I originally wasn't going to say anything but after posting on SR, you all made me realize that these little things in life that **** us off are some of the reasons why we drink. Not everything is going to perfect from here on out but I now know that if I don't talk about it nothing will get done. And now I have something to look forward to.

ReadyAtLast

You did the right thing talking to him.Hope you feel better-your post sounds positive and he sounds like a good guy now

I hope you are glad you were honest with yourself and him.good on ya for not drinking over it

Dee74

I'm glad you let him know how you felt too Patty

Happy Birthday

D

TrixMixer

Happy for you Patty that you cleared the air. Men do have a problem of reading our minds, and if you never made a big deal about Birthdays in the 5 years, I guess I can see where he did not know how much it meant to you.

But NOW he does . ....and Happy you actually think he is a great guy otherwise. This blip can only make your relationship stronger.....and we ALL want an invite to the WEDDING!!!!!!!LOL!!!!

conga

I don't remember my 30th b-day! Your b-day gift to yourself is your sobriety. Last month was my 42 b-day and I had some beers because I figured, well that's what you do. I had been sober for 16 days before that. I ended up going to bed early and felt terrible the next day. Where is the fun in that? Happy b day too you.

RevivingOphelia

Seriously, your bf sounds like a class A jerk. If it were me, I'd do the dump. You shouldn't have needed to tell him anything--especially after what you did for him.

He sounds like a selfish, immature inconsiderate cad. You have every right to be pissed.

Happy Birthday.

FreeFall

Glad you had the guts to tell him how you felt. He's going to have to come up with something pretty big to make up for it

Delilah1

First, :day1

I love my husband dearly, but he does not always seem to get things that are a big deal to me. I turned 40 two years ago and wanted to go to San Francisco for a long weekend and also spend some time in Napa (this was pre sobriety). I knew from past experience that I had to tell him this was what I wanted.

The older I get the more I just tell him things that are important. It saves me from being disappointed and him for trying to figure me out (which I admit can be tricky!!)

Hope you find a way to celebrate your 30th this weekend.

Obladi

Delilah and others said it!

In my experience, most men are not good mind readers and are completely bemused (if not worse) by the notion that we think they should be. Then when you go to rip their eyeballs out for being inconsiderate dumb*ss jerks, they can get extremely defensive (looks like angry) because you have now pointed out how inadequate they are.

Yep, the best approach for a good relationship is straightforward communication. As Delilah says, make sure he knows in advance what's important to you and be as specific as possible. And when he comes through, show the same appreciation you would had he actually read your mind.

If he doesn't come through, that's when you have proof that he's a cad.

I'm glad you two talked. Sounds like things are on the mend. Not a bad way to start your new year.

Happy Birthday!